Daily Archives: April 8, 2014

DIY Compost Pail!

I’m back with a DIY to share with you! I’m always looking for tips on how to grow my plants more successfully. I only have a balcony to grow them on, so I try to use my space and effort wisely. In researching when to plant, I looked a bit into fertilizing and realized I have the resources to compost here in my kitchen. Only trouble was my space limitation. My condo/urban farmstead is roomy as far as living space, but not so much for gardening and I’m not allowed to do any kind of extreme renovation without approval from the housing committee. So I looked into what I can reasonably do, at minimum cost and effort.

My solution to fertilizing is to compost, it saves me money and it’s more ecologically sound. If you Google compost pails, you will find all kinds of containers in all varieties. I wasn’t about to spend upwards of $50 for what is essentially a slop pail, so I decided to make my own. I used a vacuum seal coffee container I had previously painted.



I had painted the container with the intent of using it for dry pantry storage, but it was a different kind from ones I’d revamped in the past and wasn’t as large as I would like for storage. But it’s shorter stature and round shape made it ideal for becoming a compost pail. I got out my drill and purchased a carbon filter intended for installing on a cat litter box (a whopping $1.40) to use as a filter on the lid.



I drilled four small holes into the lid and then flipped the lid over and attached the filter I had cut in half




The filter helps to stop the compost from stinking up your house. I’ve already got the pail on my countertop ready to go. If you’re wondering what exactly you can put in your compost pail or how to compost, I found this website helpful. I am looking forward to adding the compost to my veggies and flowers later this spring and hopefully having a better turn out for my plants!



Filed under: Crafty Tagged: compost, craft, DIY, green

Ticking Timebomb

Motherfucking FUCK! My sweet dark morning was almost ruined by the late rent notice that was halfway tucked under the door that I found this morning, just as I was about to sneak out. I immediately thought - Great. More motherfuckin mail stolen - bills that have fucking checks in them!!! I let it fall from my hand and walk out so I could have a smoke asap. I wasn't medicated yet. I sucked my coffee down pretty fast while I was out, but it seemed the sun was coming after me even earlier than the last time I went out. I was in a rush to try to deal with the fucking mail problem. 

I decided that I would blame it on the mailman/post office workers. No one has the key to the outgoing mailbox but the mailman and the owner. I sent 3 different but similar complaints of stolen mail to USPS  online. I called my bank asked how much it would cost to put a stop payment on a check. They said $34 each. I said "Are you fucking serious? That is TERRIBLE service! FUCK THAT!" and hung up. I had to take 200mgs of seroquel and had about 4mgs clonazepam already, my total dose. I have 400mg seroquel left for tonight. I sure as fuck was feeling suicidal/homicidal.

I checked my bank account online again, and there hadn't been any checks cashed lately. Then I remembered that I sent a check to the IRS with my return. So I called them and was passed around and around and hung up. Then I tried chatting online to one of their CS people. They didn't have access to IRS information. It was back to calling again, and I must have waited about 40 mins on hold before I got a good lady on the other end who understood my freakout, and I told her thank you and to have a good day in the end. You know she deserved it, working that job! I was as nice as I could be to her because CS is one bitch of a job, and you end up with crazy angry people like me sometimes. My seroquel had kicked in by then.

So my rent, return check, and a couple of bills are still floating around out there, or something evil. I'm betting on something evil. Motherfuckers, now I can't mail shit from my own fucking building, and will have to start paying more bills online or by phone, which I hate, because I don't like my information out there. I'll be checking my bank account a few times a day to see what the hell is up, and waiting for a quick follow up from USPS. This shit is bad. Hopefully it was destroyed like one report I'd heard of way back when in the news where a postal worker just buried the mail and didn't deliver. Better than being in more evil hands.

Whew! Am I relieved that the spouse has decided to pick himself up, clean up a bit (still needs a haircut), dust himself off, and make phone calls to connections he's made through his previous employer. He ended up getting a call yesterday, an interview, AND a job today. He'll have the rest of the week to prepare himself mentally and sleep-wise. I'll be getting up earlier with him, which will help both of us. I get more time in the dark outside, and I make better coffee and he likes that. Plus we can spend some time in the morning together, which he likes when he's working.

As far as the crap on my timeline (is that what it's called?) I need to follow more folks with the good stuff to outweigh the garbage. If I want to see porn, I'll do it on my own time. Alone. Gay porn. Hahaha!!!

Somehow using the word "patriot" in a description of me doesn't feel right deep down in my bones, when my ancestors roamed  here long before the nearly canonized "founding fathers". Some of those "founding fathers" owned bought or stolen people as property they called and made their slaves. Nah, I don't fucking dig that, admire that, or let that slide just because others were doing it. 

Propaganda from all sides is being thrown at us through various sources. We have no privacy. I wasn't wrong about being spied on when I was manic, paranoid, and sent to the psych hospital. We have little hope. It feels like we're living in a police state. We don't know what poisons we are eating and drinking. It goes on and on. 

The media here is censored and biased, so we don't get real world news, or see all the uprisings, strikes, crime, or anything going on in other countries. We only see the poverty when it's packaged in a neat little commercial with footage of a few children living in poverty, and an aid organization asking for money. The media are terrorists and they are terrorizing the public. Some really bad cops are terrorizing the public, and therefore terrorist too.  

I won't fight for a government that's bought by the insanely rich, who basically want to kill the poor. I don't want to fight anybody. I'm not going to kill anybody. I will only try to protect my closest people. Yep, others will judge, so I guess it doesn't really matter until the shit hits the fan. 

I won't put on a uniform and be told what to do, even if it's at the Dairy Queen. Mommy never put up with that shit as as a teenager, and she won't start now. Nobody but the voice(s) in my head tell me what to do or not do.

Call me stupid, ignorant, and naive. I want peace, love, and equality. Happiness couldn't hurt.

Tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock...

And now for something completely different...

Article of the day at The Free Dictionary:  Loch Ness Monster

Sasquatch and friend

What’s been goin’ on

Ugh.  Life. I’ve been 2 weeks without a cigarette. None. Nada. Not even a drag. Not even an e-cig. I even threw out all my e-cigs. They make me cough until I throw up. Yum eh? Go Wellbutrin! Hardly any cravings anymore.

Sooo.. hm. I saw an orthopaedic surgeon yesterday and he was great. I took the magnet out of my finger (what a hassle at the hospital, they refused, as it was “self inflicted”, give me a fucking break, how many self inflicted things do they deal with daily!) myself, and now I can get an MRI. So I’m getting an MRI in June to decide what to do with my shoulder. Looking at surgery, since the tear won’t fix itself.

My doctor got me in an hour early, was very thorough. Very nice man. He’s highly recommended, and not bad on the eyes either. *wink* I actually looked at him as he spoke. He was very kind. Explained a lot. Answered my questions. Didn’t bat an eye at my schizoaffective diagnosis or meds. Just wrote it all down. Liked the story of how I damaged my arm. Is happy I do a sport that won’t re-damage it unless I repeat the exact scenario again.

Going riding tomorrow. Learning games. Like pole bending, barrel racing. Gonna be sooo much fun. Finished a big knitting project, started on another.

Have more oral surgery on Monday. There were 3 scenarios for my pain: 1. A piece of root broke off and would reject itself out of my gums in a few days. 2. A piece of bone broke off, same ending as 1. 3. My jaw bone was poking out of my gums and would cause pain until I had my jaw shaved down and my gums stitched over it.

I hate option 3. Why does it have to be option 3?! So I go in to the surgeons to have option 3 taken care of on Monday. I have my shot on Friday. Hopefully Dr B can find the Piportil. It’s like a game there, “Hide San’s Piportil”. I called to make sure they had it, and I didn’t have to hit the pharmacy sometime this week. Oh well. I can tell Dr B I haven’t had a smoke since the day he rx’d the Wellbutrin. He was excited at the last shot that I made it 3 days!

He’s such a friendly doc, I wish everyone had a GP like him. He’s knowledgable, friendly, funny, fast with referrals, and busts his ass for his patients. When I gave him a Christmas card, saying that (in different wording) he asked if I meant it, and thanked me so much. It was nice of him. He’s very sweet. He said I made his day! I’m glad I could. He busts his ass for patients!

Sooo.. that’s about it.. knitting.. I started a blog where I’m writing my autobio.. not much up… Tired n Wired.

Nationwide Recall of Antidepressant Issued

Nationwide Recall of Antidepressant Issued.

via Nationwide Recall of Antidepressant Issued.


Heads up, Effexor XR users.  Pfizer has recalled lot numbers V130142 and V130140, and Greenstone lot number V130014, because they may contain a heart medicine that could potentially be life threatening.  In case you can’t access the above linked article without a password, I will quote the relevant passage from the Medscape article here:

A voluntary nationwide recall of 3 different lots of the antidepressant venlafaxine (Effexor, Pfizer Inc) has been issued by the drug’s manufacturer owing to possible contamination with a heart drug and subsequent potentially fatal consequences.

As a precaution, Pfizer Inc is recalling 1 lot of 30-count Effexor XR (venlafaxine HCI) 150 mg extended-release capsules, 1 lot of 90-count Effexor XR (venlafaxine HCl) 150 mg extended-release capsules, and 1 lot of 90-count Greenstone LLC-branded venlafaxine HCl 150 mg extended-release capsules.

According to Pfizer, the action is being taken because 1 bottle of Effexor XR contained a single capsule of dofetilide (Tikosyn, Pfizer Inc) 0.25 mg, an antiarrhythimic medication used to treat atrial fibrillation/atrial flutter and maintain normal sinus rhythm.

Pfizer says the probability that other bottles of Effexor XR have been similarly contaminated is low but that it has issued the recall as a precaution.

This recall involves Pfizer lot numbers V130142 and V130140, which both expire in October 2015, and Greenstone lot number V130014, which expires in August 2015.

“Although Pfizer has not received any other such reports, these 3 lots are being voluntarily recalled as a precaution because they were packaged on the same line,” the company said in a release.

“The use of Tikosyn by an Effexor XR/Venlafaxine HCl patient, where the contraindications and drug-drug interactions with Tikosyn have not been considered by the prescribing physician, could cause serious adverse health consequences that could be fatal,” the company notes.

I hope no one is taking these lots of Effexor XR/Venlafaxine HCl, but if you are, stop taking it immediately and call your prescribing provider.

Am I Crazy?

Am I crazy? How about loony? Demented? Deranged? Loopy? Mad? Psycho? Whacko? Cuckoo? Nutjob? Are all of these okay? Are any of them okay? What about calling me mentally ill? Is that okay? It is with me. Unlike many diagnosed with a mental illness I don’t mind being called mentally ill. Granted, many of the […]

The post Am I Crazy? appeared first on Depression and Bipolar Disorder:.

Rising Tide of Rage


I managed to get out of bed in the dark this morning at 6 am wth the help of the alarm and my cat tapping on me. I changed into my usual sloppy "workout" clothes, and while changing, I looked over at the sliding glass door, and it was looking too light out there for me. If it wasn't for "Game of Thrones" last night, I probably would have run and hid under the covers around 8pm, maybe earlier. It's easier for me to fall asleep alone, even though I'm on such a big dose of drugs for my size (I think).

After looking at the giant, black rat's nest, I thought twice about going outside, but I thought again that this is going to be my only happy time of the day, so I better fucking go, no matter what. I put on some powder, mascara, and lip balm, patted my hair down, and called it good enough. Who cares. My ears will be plugged with earphone so I can't hear any insult that might fly my way. That was paranoia.

More and more shattered car window glass was on the sidewalk a few steps away from my building. Somebody must really get their jollies out of smashing car glass into a trillion "diamonds". The homeless neighbors were still asleep on their stoops. No one was camped out behind the bushes where I saw someone a couple of times. I was glad it had been a dry and fairly mild night.

After I finished sucking down my coffee, I was starting to freak a bit because I was unmedicated, and the daylight was coming! I tried to be calm about it, tried to look away, and act like it was no big deal. I tried to notice something different about the usual early crowd, but there was nothing. I couldn't think fast enough of something to find on my ipod to listen to that might help. So I said fuck it, and I was outta there. I chain smoked on the way home, which helped, found the spouse was awake already (damn!), and went straight for the meds.

The first thing he said to me was that he needed a smoke. Nice. He could have gone out and got some while I was gone! I told him to wait, that I needed my meds BADLY, and he just has to wait. No surprise that he was looking pissed. I didn't care. I made him wait. Later, he drove 3 or 4 blocks instead of walking a block or 2 away to get more. Fucking lazy or what?

Got some potentially good news this afternoon, though. Someone he used to work with called him and told him that his company is hiring and they have a lot of work. He updated his resume, and arranged an interview for tomorrow. FUCKING FINALLY. He was finally starting to see the slob he'd become, wearing PJs all day, never doing anything, never going anywhere, never helping out, never being supportive apart from the occasional ride to the shrink.

Bitch bitch bitch.

I got tired of G+ a while ago, with all the fucking flag-waving shit, yammering on about what patriots they are, and unwanted softcore porn. Fuck that shit. I don't give a fuck about flags, I am not a "patriot", nor do I care to see pictures of half-naked/naked broads that these men deem worth of making out like they are the ideal types/body types, objectifying them. Lumps of meat. Why post such crap when you can just jerk off to it on your own time. Funny you never see pictures of what they look like themselves.

The Oxford dictionary lists a patriot as:
A person who vigorously supports their country and is prepared to defend it against enemies or detractors.

I don't support the shit that goes down in this country. I'm not getting shot or killed for someone else other than to save my child or immediate family, friends, and their families. Violence just escalates, and nothing good comes of it. Murder is murder, whether you want to label it "war" or not. "Thou shall not kill". Can it be any more clear than that?

Parent trapped

That’;s how I felt this morning when the alarm went off. I am now trapped by my kid’s schedule. I can’t handle being tied down to a set schedule myself, I go off the rails just trying. Now I have to take her to all these appointments for the kindergarten paperwork and my anxiety and tension are sky high. I can’t relax, can barely breathe, and no amount of blowing sunshine up my own skirt (aka positive thinking) does a bit of good.

She was on spring break for a week. I was looking forward to her going back ‘cos it’s mommy’s time out. But this morning, that alarm went off…and i hit snooze again. and again. and again. I even contemplated calling her in sick yet again because the motivation thing was not working. At the last minute I forced myself up, though by then it was too late for her to catch the bus so I had to take her.

I don’t know why I am struggling in the mornings. It’s been that way for months. And since starting Paxil, lethargy and grogginess are two of the un excellent side effects, which combined with other stuff, makes me think this isn’t the one for me. I am torn, though, because at some point this doctor is going to give up on me and determine nothing works for me. It’s so frustrating and also, frightening.

Spook had an appt with the doc to make sure her ear infection cleared up. I asked the doc if she was too young for counseling. I know I could use the help with her.She’s defiant only to me and I am at my breaking point. The kid has no grasp of how much I love her but I’m not her welcome mat and I am not her enabler. Letting my mom babysit her was such a mistake. I always knew it would be. Now I need helping cleaning up the mess.

Grrr, R is texting me again. I spent three hours of my time looking for a part for him over the weekend and he cost me a bunch of cell time with incessant texting, doesn’t this place have it, can’t you find it cheaper, blah blah blah. DO IT YOURSELF AND LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE. Now he wants me to stop by and order the damn thing for him. Because clicking a few keys and entering a credit card number are so bloody difficult. No doubt he will expect me to do out of the goodness of my own heart. Newsflash. I don’t have a heart, let alone any goodness.

People think I am being sarcastic. Mostly, I am not. My warm fuzzy emotions are crippled by lithium. All I feel these days is blinding anger. I don’t know why it doesn’t numb that. That I could do without. Though I do consider anger and outrage fuel for my soul. If I ever get to the point where things like child abuse and animal cruelty don’t warrant some anger…I’ll shoot myself. That is being heartless. I’m just…chemically stunted.

I am TRYING not to be overreactive and suspicious and paranoid. I am TRYING to be nice and open to friendship. I am TRYING to pretend I feel things I simply don’t because I am rather bored with being called “anti social.” I simply don’t have any tolerance for fake people and their asinine behaviors. That’s not anti social, that’s intelligent. Let me meet someone who’s company makes me feel more nourished than used and I’ll be a social butterfly. Until then…meh.

Spook has TWO appts tomorrow. Eye dr and counselor. I am nervous about the eye dr. She has one eye that has never tracked quite right and they have mentioned surgery might be needed at some point. That’s very anxiety inducing for me.

But then, what isn’t? Right, chainsaw wielding guys in chainsaw masks, spiders, snakes….I only fear the social norms.

On the plus side, whatever space I was in where I was too anxious to watch X Files, it’s gone and I am now watching it, normal as ever. The inconsistencies in my insanity would drive me insane but, oops, too late.

I need to focus and line up how to handle tomorrow. School, shop, eye doc, lunch, counselor, then I am coming home to regroup. It occurred to me that all this running about is what “normal” people live for, it’s their whole purpose in life. Yet for me…it’s living hell. It’s not keeping busy. It’s living on a damned clock. I can’t take my entire day being scheduled to the last waking moment. It’s soul sucking.

I’m starting to think “soul sucking” is just a synonym for “life”.

Except I see the two fat little kittens that survived and their eyes are open now and they make their ittty bitty meows…and I think…Maybe it’s not an exercise in futility, this life thing.