Some days just spin me in too many directions, and this was one of them. My moods have been all over the chart and then some. I’ve had my feelings hurt. I’ve been scared. I’ve been pissed off. I’ve been deliriously happy. And soooo many hallucinations, or at least I assume I was hallucinating, unless there really is a league of white uniformed aliens outside following me around while I am trying to play with my son.
Days like this are just, ugh, no words. So out there, so all-consuming, so confusing. I kept putting my hand on my chest and feeling how hollow and soundless I am. Am I even here? Am I a ghost? But then I would tense with that drumming in my brain, the feeling feeling feeling until I wanted to scream out that I don’t want to feel anything anymore! But it will never stop. Not until death, and then, who knows…the rat-a-tat-tat may follow me for all eternity.