First off, I’d like to wish a very Merry Christmas to everyone reading my blog. I hope the spirit and meaning of the season touches each one of you. For myself, it’s a blue Christmas. Not sure why this year I find myself with so little joy. Christmas is usually my favorite time of year, but for the past couple of years, that joy seems to be missing. Is it growing up? Is it bad memories of my ex fiancee? Not sure, all I do know is I can’t seem to find the joy any more.
Every ornament on my tree has a memory attached to it and generally, looking at the ceramic ornaments my grandmother and mother hand painted for me makes me feel warm and loved. This year, they didn’t even go on the tree. The Paramour is stuck working today and tomorrow and honestly, we seem headed towards disaster. Two broken people do not make for a healthy relationship. Every aspect of my life seems to be bringing me down right now. It’s like there’s a hole in my heart and no matter what I do, I cannot repair it. I look, as always, to God for strength, to help me remember what this season is all about and to be my guide through this dark time.
I hope all of you are in a far better mindset than myself. Thank you all for the support of my blog, and I hope that my next post finds me feeling more joyous.
Filed under: Self Discovery Tagged: bipolar, Christmas, depression, loneliness, memories, S.A.D.