Two Years of Hell

Is what I’m in the middle of.

For most people, they can’t wait to get out of college and school. They can’t wait to graduate and get into the “real world” and get a job…get out and be done with school. I really don’t want to be out in that “real world”. I hate the real world. It isn’t what I like, or what I’m comfortable with.

I enjoy school. I love learning and being in college. I would love to keep being in that academic environment for the rest of my life. That wouldn’t be possible for quite a long time, but it is my dream.

The problem was my mental health rapidly deteriorated over my last year of university. I was falling apart my senior year. Two dissertations for degrees in one year, the stress of my whole last year of school, and just the whole weight of everything that had to be done in my final year of college was enough to fully stress me out. Add into that my mental health rapidly falling apart, and I was one step from losing it. I needed a break from school, desperately. So I didn’t opt to go directly to grad school for an MA like I had originally planned.

It actually worked out okay. I needed time to figure out which of my interests I wanted to go for first. I had to figure out my game plan towards the end-game for what I see my eventual career path. So some time off was absolutely necessary.

Also, I was burned out. Stress from mental health concerns, my family issues, and just the strain of completing 5.5 years of college in 4 years (2 degrees), inclusive in that was 1 year abroad in an intensive program where I was a fully matriculated student at a German university…it was enough to nearly wipe me out. I needed a break to recharge my batteries per say. I also had to learn exactly what was wrong with me, mentally. I could have completely lost it, if I wasn’t careful to take care of myself.

Now though, I know what I’m going to do, what I want to do for my plan. However, I have monetary problems. My student loans are too extensive for me to plan on going back to university next fall. I’ll have to take another year and plan on going back to school in Fall 2015, not Fall 2014, like I had originally wanted. If I’m lucky, I may be able to start in Spring 2015, but that’s not likely. I need to find a university that has the program I want…and isn’t in the middle of nowhere. I need to be somewhere close to where I’m working, and where I can hopefully work, after I finish my first Masters degree.

So my one year break from college has now become an almost certain 2-year break. Or, my 2 years of hell. I hate not being in an academic setting. I thrive in academics. In the real world I do far worse. Academics I do far better in. I know what to do as a student.

But now, with my mental health more stable…and with a better knowledge of what I’m dealing with, I am more comfortable to go back, once I’ve got a better handle on the colleges I’m looking at. Now all I need to do, with mental health under tighter rein, is look into which college I’m going to attend.

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