Good to be Back

Where the hell have I been?  Good question.  I’ve been busy juggling the various aspects of my life and not doing a very good job of it.  It’s been odd not having read or written any blog articles for a couple of weeks.  It’s good to be back.  Well kinda.

An update regarding my depression.  I finally spoke with my pdoc about it.  I’m not happy.  He pretty much blew off how bad it has been and would not adjust my meds at all.  I’ve said it before – I take my meds very seriously and do not take adjustments to them lightly, but I don’t take severe depression lightly either.  If it would make a difference I would fill out one of the forms the county offers so that I could change doctors.  It doesn’t make a difference because my pdoc is the department head.  For now, I’ll just use the tools I’ve learned and depend on the people around me for support.

Schools over…at least for me.  I was only taking one class.  English 101.  It was going well until it came time to turn in our first essay.  I lost it mentally.  Major panic attack.  I didn’t finish it and I fell completely apart the morning it was due, so I skipped class.  I crunched the numbers and found that if I busted my ass the rest of the quarter then I had the chance of getting a “C”. On Monday my pdoc suggested I should probably drop the class, but I didn’t like the idea.  On Tuesday my professor convinced me I should.  He said that I am an “A” student and he didn’t think it was a good idea to be killing myself to get a “C”. He convinced me to drop the class and take it again during the spring session and get an “A.”  This time I listened and withdrew.  (sigh)

I agree it’s for the best, but I’m feeling pretty deflated.  I broke down in tears the other night.  I’ve not been released to go back to work by either my pdoc or my therapist.  Now I can’t even take classes.  What the hell am I supposed to do?  I guess I’ll be a house husband for a while. 


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