I met with my advisor at school yesterday. I told her that I was following my psychiatrists orders and we began cancelling classes that I was scheduled to attend this Fall. We cancelled them all except for English 101. That’s it. Just one damn class. That’s all I apparently am capable of.
I thought I was ready. I thought I could finally take classes full time. I was stoked until my pdoc told me I wasn’t ready. I thought maybe I could cut back a class. Maybe even two. I never considered That I could only handle one. So, I talked to my friends and family about it. To my unpleasant surprise there was unanimous agreement that my pdoc was right.
I figured I was on a ten year plan. Get my BA degree in Religious Studies. Two – three years at seminary and then one – two years of internship. But what now? How long is it going to take me to get through school taking one class at a time. My advisor and I had drawn up my action plan towards graduation. I started to ask her if we should redo it, but I didn’t. How can I create an action plan when I have no idea how many classes I’ll be able to take each semester?
Does this sound like a pity party? You bet your ass I’m having a pity party. I’m going to allow myself to wallow in it for a day or two and then, I guess, I’ll work on acceptance. It ain’t going to be easy.