Yesterday,I was manic. The common question is “what are you on?”
Manic episodes are a bit like being drugged up. Only all natural.
My concentration and focus were LESS THAN ZERO. I was just…off into the stratosphere, talking rapidly, about nothing, finding myself irritating. Can only imagine how I must have grated uponst R’d nerves.
Then when I got home, I became jumpy and paranoid and realized..I hadn’t had a xanax in 19 hours. Not a good idea but proof that I do not abuse the stuff. I take it when I need it. I needed it because I started thinking the mailman was going to be bringing me bad news. Like it’s his fault for the mail I get.
Now today…I am peeling the cobwebs off my brain, a little down, but I took my meds so I should be lifting off soon.
I still don’t want to take a shower. It’s such a hassle. I hate showering when it’s cold. I need one, though. My grooming has been rather lax this week. One look at my gray roots proves that much. Really need to use the dye I have. Just lazy and unmotivated.
That’s one of the most frustrating things about bipolar. When you’re up, you are flying high.
When you come down, you are lower than low.
Up,down, and all around. Especially with cyclothymia. My episodes don’t last for days or weeks. This is a daily thing.
I don’t know if the Cymbalta is canceling out the Lamicatal or what,I should not be rapid cycling like this.
Have to address it with the shrink. I have an appointment here soon. I am bad at dates, though, will have wait for the reminder call the day before.
Blah. I still need that shower.
I still am not moving.
My 3 year old just said “You’re a bitch.”
I don’t use that word a lot. If she copied me, it would likely be “fuck.” I own that one, I say it a lot. I am a bad mom.
I think she’s learning most of this at my mom’s house. My mom is probably telling her what a bitch I am. Yes, my mom thinks I am a bitch and says so. Feeling is mutual.
Onto the next mood shift.
Rinse, lather, repeat.