Daily Archives: January 2, 2013

panic…without the disco

I am at the shop. It is 8 degrees outside. I am hopped up on Cymbalta. My anxiety is sky high.

I just had a to place an order with an unfamiliar person looking over my shoulder. I cannot type when being watched, I get too nervous.


Nice to know the anxiety disorder isn’t gonna cut me any more slack in 2013 than it has in previous years.

Happy Ghoul year.

Back to the World

Have I mentioned how awesome and considerate my husband is? I have? Well, I’ll keep doing it, because he deserves every iota of acknowledgment.

Anyways, this is only tangential to him, other than him having forethought on how to help me get eased back into things on the back of this depressive spell. Today is my day off, which is Monday most weeks; this is the day I get the house to myself because we all know it goes a very long way towards keeping me functional and ‘happy’. Tonight is Stitch ‘n Bitch, so I can hope the socialization will be enjoyable (the crochet won’t, because the hands not working thing… stupid atmospherics!). Tomorrow, I have a driving lesson, so that won’t be too much time spent worrying about work. Friday I can use to refresh myself on what needs doing for the month, and then we have the parent night thing at the nursery school we are going to send our daughter to for the afternoon session. This is an exceptionally busy week by our reckoning, but it’s broken down and placed in such a way that my brain is handling it a lot better than it otherwise would (which would be panic and shutting down).

I’m not looking forward to getting back into the swing of things, frankly. This isn’t related to a desire to slack off, but rather, because the depression is leaving me so worn out and spoonless. I’m sleeping well, I’m mainly eating well, and I’m doing my best to not tax myself, but when there is nothing there, EVERYTHING is taxing. But I can hope that it will wok out for the best, and that it will be engaging enough for me to push past the spoonlessness to a better place. Okay, probably not, but at least work seems to be a null zone against my spoon issues; I’ve generally always been able to apply myself to work regardless of how I felt. It’s a weird exception, but one I’m grateful for!

Anyhoos, off to trying to convince myself to do a single thing today.


Borrowed Laughs

Mr. Chickadee sends me comics from his RSS feeds, pretty much every day. He knows what stuff is going to …

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