Daily Archives: December 11, 2012

8 Polish Dishes -First Holiday Mental Moment

Well Christmas is right around the corner. Maybe 2 corners.  We are talking what, 12 days til Christmas Eve?  Sorry, I am not really up on the rest of my December Holidays but I know they all fall within this next few weeks too. Pretty cool how everything happened at once and no matter what … Continue reading

Holiday Shopping Guide: the Bipolar Disorder Edition

What do you give the bipolar person who has everything? Well, it depends on your relationship and their sense of …

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What’s wrong?

I DETEST when people ask what is wrong.

Because 99% of the time, they don’t want to know and they don’t care. They just feel socially obligated to take notice that something is off kilter with you and inquire.

Sometimes, I lie and say “Nothing.”

Sometimes, I simplify and just say, “I’m just kinda down.”

Yesterday was like that.

R asked several times why I was down.

I didn’t have an answer.

Depression is like that most of the time. You are sad, but you don’t really know why.

It’s nice that he thought to ask, although I sincerely doubt it was because he cared. He was probably just curious as to why I was harshing his mellow since he was bouncing off the walls.

Maybe I am paranoid and cynical to a psychotic degree. Maybe occasionally, people are sincere.

It has been my experience that most are not. I have had friends out and out say, “I can’t hang out with you anymore, you’re too depressing.”

Which was about the time I began to bottle everything up, keep it to myself, and put on the happy face that seems to be the only thing the mindless masses can handle.

And about the time I’d trust someone enough to let them into my corner of hell and explain why I am the way I am…They’d run screaming into the night,or at the last, vanish from my life all together.

I get sick of putting on the happy face. I get sick of faking it.

I’m not the one who can’t handle it.

I shouldn’t be charged with protecting people from things they cannot understand or empathize with. None of us should, yet most of us are. Depression/mental illness/anxiety/mood disorders, all are dirty words that make people uncomfortable and we must shield them from the reality that some of us were born with misfiring brains. Not all is well with the world.

I don’t want pity, I don’t expect people to listen for hours to my tales of woe, only to find me manic and cheerful an hour later. I know that roller coaster ride is rough and confusing.

But some empathy would be nice. Understanding I didn’t ask for this, I don’t like it, and I have spent my entire life putting question mark chemicals into my body in an effort to “become normal”. Whatever that is.

I am not here simply to harsh someone’s mellow.

I don’t much like having mellow harshed all the time by my idiotic brain and it’s whacked out chemicals.

Anyway…That is what’s on my mind this morning.

If you don’t want to know how someone feels, really…Don’t ask.