I feel like I could breathe fire… and not because I have halitosis, but because I am soooooooooooooooooooooo fuuuuuuuuuuckin aggrivated! EVERYTHING is getting on my nerves. Why is it, that everything can be going along just fine, and then boom! I get pissed? Actually I have been irritated for a week or so but just trying to handle things. My words come out as so sharp and sarcastic, even when I don’t mean for them to be. I just need some alone time. And that is blown right out the window, because my daughter wants to go to the store with me…. Because….. she doesn’t get out enough.
Sounds like a personal problem to me. And um… I leave the house for three occasions; to take the youngest to the bus stop, to pick the youngest up from the bus stop, and to go grocery shopping. The daughter comes and goes as she pleases… She has gone out almost every night this week. So…. I am so much smarter than that. She WANTS something…. That is the only time she wants to be out with me, is if I can give her something. At least that is how I feel. *sigh*
The oldest son peeved me, he will empty the dishwasher later…. when he wants to… WHAT? Ok, two can play at that game….
Then perhaps I won’t pay you this week until you get your shit done.
Good Lord. Really? I do see what it was that pushed me over the edge and made me get on meds… It was my children.
Sunday can’t get here soon enough!
Green is a pretty easy weekly photo challenge theme for me to put together a hefty gallery without even touching …
Continue reading »
take a deep breath.
that’s what i say to myself when i review the variables on my plate.
one thing at a time.
that’s my second thought, because my obligations are mounting.
i can do this.
the third and final thought. a welcome one because it has been so long since i’ve believed it.
i would just like to take an inventory of the tasks i am [slowly] incorporating into my life.
- i have successfully taught 150+ students at two campuses
- i have semi-successfully managed a TA for the first time
- i am increasingly connecting with friends and family, welcoming long phone conversations and venturing into social activities of increasing diversity and complexity
- i maintain a relatively clean home
- i make time for relaxation and hobbies
- i make an effort toward exercise and achieving a healthy lifestyle
- i have begun planning my online winter course (key question: how much grading do i really want to do over winter break?)
- i will begin planning my online spring course
- i am working on three collaborations: 1) a methods paper with my advisor, 2) a model of aggregate economic factors and behavior, 3) a revision and extension of my Master’s thesis
- i will revisit my dissertation beginning next semester
- i will seek out additional collaborations to build my academic resume
- i am thinking about potential jobs and places to live
i would just like to say: relative to even as recently as august, my life has completely turned around. i could not function, think, speak, or interact with people. i have come, quite literally, from nothing. no ability to handle responsibilities. no ability to think or speak. no ability to perform mundane tasks.
assuming i can keep her steady, my life may become very fulfilling indeed.