Daily Archives: October 30, 2012

non-theist 12 steps

a friend sent this to me a few days or so ago and i just got the chance to look at it.

i like it, so i’m going to share.  :)

A Buddhist’s Non-Theist 12 Steps

  1. We admitted our addictive craving over alcohol, and recognized its consequences in our lives.
  2. Came to believe that a power other than self could restore us to wholeness.
  3. Made a decision to go for refuge to this other power as we understood it.
  4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
  5. Admitted to ourselves and another human being the exact moral nature of our past.
  6. Became entirely ready to work at transforming ourselves.
  7. With the assistance of others and our own firm resolve, we transformed unskillful aspects of ourselves and cultivated positive ones.
  8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed.
  9. Made direct amends to such people where possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. In addition, made a conscientious effort to forgive all those who harmed us.
  10. Continue to maintain awareness of our actions and motives, and when we acted unskillfully promptly admitted it.
  11. Engaged through the practice of meditation to improve our conscious contact with our true selves, and seeking that beyond self. Also used prayer as a means to cultivate positive attitudes and states of mind.
  12. Having gained spiritual insight as a result of these steps, we practice these principles in all areas of our lives, and make this message available to others in need of recovery.

Discrimination in the Medical Field (or… my experience at the Family Doctors…)

Oh. My. God. Yesterday was horrible. I went to the doc to get an order for my labs. This was the first (and LAST) time I saw this new doctor that took over the practice. Not a good experience, and just Oh… My… God….

Excerpt from my FB:

Well, went to the Dr… what a trip that was. Got my lab orders and an appointment in a month. I learned that I am overweight (shocker, I know!) and I need to go on a program, you know, the kind that you pay for, so that I will stick to it. I’m suffering from the “American Diet”. And well, all the pain I deal with? Yeah, I just gotta suck it up! Nothing he can do about it. And Oh, how he wishes he can send me to France, so I could just drop 50 pounds! But the Dr. is so proud of me for being off my meds! I have so many people depending on me, I’m such an important person, and it is a blessing I haven’t let my Bipolar get in the way of my life.

Really? I’m so upset. Like my feelings are hurt. I feel like I wa not understood at all. And… I might not have Lupus, because ANA tests are crap. Ok… Still leaves me completely clueless about what is going on with me. I do have lab orders… Will be getting those done at a different day. Today was just too much. I had to have my BP taken 4 times, they couldn’t get my insurance card to recognize me…. I will give the doc another shot… Today WAS a monday…. But if I still don’t mesh with him, I will be looking for a new doctor. I just felt like I was talking to a brick wall….

One of the things that makes me upset is I have changed my eating habits. I will admit that here lately I have strayed (to the point I have gained 3 pounds) But even when I did lose all that weight, It still wasn’t enough, I was still over weight, even with the exercise. Don’t tell me that I suffer from the American Diet, when you don’t even ask how I eat!

And lets not forget the whole “I am annoyed because I KNOW there is something not right, but no one believes me” thing I have going on…

Not to mention, this dude asked me if I graduated high school! AND THEN proceeded to tell me that I must not have Bipolar very bad if I managed to graduate high school. WHAT? ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!?!? Dude, you don’t even know my story, and hey, thanks for asking! Thank you for ASSUMING things!

And back to the American Diet thing…. He assumed because I am overweight that I nosh on McDonalds and other fast food 24/7. Because he lectured me on drinking 32 ounce sodas.. Um… I don’t drink soda. Furthermore, I don’t let my kids drink soda. As a matter of fact, we do not allow anything with HFCS in our house! Don’t lecture me on things that do not pertain to me. I explained that we are a long line of heavy women, and that my mother even had to have weight loss surgery… Well, he thought that was ridiculous. If people would just go to France, and stop drinking soda, we would be a healthier nation. OK, fucker, you don’t even know how much my mother struggled. She dieted, she exercised, and NOTHING helped. It was under the advisement of mer physician that she have the surgery. Because she has a lung disease and she was dying slowly, and if she didn’t get rid of some weight, she WAS in danger of dying…. So, tell me again how stupid it was for my mother to have surgery.

And then he remarked on our diet. I told him that I have modified my diet because my husband is on the paleo diet and has been for several years… Well, that is a weird diet! But he guesses everyone has to be weird. Yet, right before that, he was going on about how great his Gluten Free diet was and how he can stand on his head!?! (For those of you that don’t know, the Gluten Free and Paleo diet are VERY very similar!)

And did you know I don’t look like I have arthritis? I didn’t know there was a certain “Look”. And I like this one too… Medications do not cause weight gain! Then he felt like an ass because he looked at my medications list and said about every one of them…. “Oh, that one causes weight gain….” (This was gone over when he asked me how long I have been over weight, and I told him ever since I have been on psych meds!)

And in case you didn’t know, there are people in poor countries that don’t even have band aids, they have to deal with their pain.

All in all, I felt like he did a lot of assumptions. He assumed that I sit on my ass and eat fast food and crap and that is why I am over weight. He assumed that I do not have Bipolar very bad if I could manage to graduate High school (Um… I wasn’t diagnosed with BP until I was in my 30′s, but I did deal with depression and self medicated with drugs and alcohol while in high school) He assumed that I don’t have arthritis even though it does state on my records that I have osteoarthritis…. Basically there is NOTHING wrong with me, and I just have to live with the pain and fatigue because people in other countries don’t have band aids, and American’s just want drugs….

For the record, I wasn’t drug seeking, and if he looked at my records he would see that it has actually been exactly 1 year since I have been to the family doctor. I just want to know what the hell is wrong with me and then work on getting better through diet and exercise. (Meds if needed to manage)

So, today, I’m looking for a new doc. Fuck this shit.

checking in with myself

my house is so clean. in fact, i don’t think i’ve ever lived in a cleaner house.

somewhere along the line, i figured out that cleaning is ah-MAY-ziiiing therapy.  i just flip on Law & Order and let it play while i get to work.  before i know it, my laundry is done, folded, and put away; my dishes are clean and/or put away; counters scrubbed, floors swept, furniture dusted, papers organized, food prepped, cooked, and frozen…you get the idea.

there are two motivations running parallel here.

one, my home is my sanctuary.  i walk into my home and it makes me feel happy and comfortable.  i feel at peace and i can think when i don’t have a big mess.

two, cleaning is great distraction.  i’m even looking for things to clean.  like today, i cleaned the lids on my trash and recycling bins.  the lids.

a clean house.  regular exercise.  keeping up with work.  connecting with friends.

is it just me, or am i getting my life back?  :)