So…I have numeric dyslexia, apparently. my appt with the sunshine spewer wasn’t Friday, it was today. It went okay, she was pretty supportive for a change. (Is she sick? Am I sick?) Still, I walked out feeling pretty bloody empty, like I am so totally alone it’s not funny.
Spent the day at the shop with R singing my praises. He seems to really seems to appreciate me, which kind of defuses what Kenny said about R only keeping me around so he doesn’t have to do everything for himself.
My mom had my kid good and sugared up, just got her down for a nap. I’m talking Toddler Cornholio here, which is a reference only Beavis and Butthead fans will get.
It is hotter than hell out, hotter inside this trailer.
The only good point today was on the way home, they played a song on the radio that I really liked and rushed home to download.
Is that all that keeps me holding on? Occasionally finding a good song?
I told the counselor I am miserable and struggling.
She said she’s proud of me and I am doing well.
(eye roll here.)
When I have my breakdown, her expert opinion will be duly noted.
I’m slipping, I know I am slipping. I can’t keep up with the bloody housework, I have two kittens who won’t catch onto the litter box bit, I cured my ant problem only to inherit roaches, I am sleeping in fits a couple hours at a time, haunting the place at 3 am night after night, in NO mood for company yet bored and feeling isolated and every day I come home (mon-fri) and swear someone has been in the place messing with things I know (or think I know) I left a certain way.
Then I come home and read that a friend lost a friend to cancer and I just feel so sad for her, and feel like such a selfish jerk for thinking my stupid problems count for shit…
I live in a perpetual state of GRRR.
I just want emotional novacaine, why can’t they make a pill for that? Just make me numb. Because as of late the anxiety attacks have been kicking my ass on top of the depression, and frankly, this crazy bitch could use a goddamned break. (Pardon my french, but ya know, I have anger issues and when angry, I swear A LOT.)
I guess I will post this while I can still see the publish button through the sweat streaming down my face. Bloody hell, I hate summer. Fall may bring seasonal affect but it’s better than the wicked witch melting disorder.