Daily Archives: July 17, 2012
One Puny Ant, Mid-Afternoon Mental Moment
Today is Tuesday. State the Obvious and then let’s move on. Although I get that song in my head every Tuesday now, no matter how I rush through the daily stuff. sigh Today’s Mental Moment is just a quicky Food for thought, or thought for thought I guess. Food for thought is kinda silly don’t … Continue reading
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Tagged life, mental health
So, here we are, on vacation. I’m having a nice time, relaxing, enjoying my family. Not even having any stress. I read a couple things today that kind of upset me (untruths that were being told about me by my daughter and other assorted rubbish) and I decided I’m not going to let it ruin my time. I am hurt. I am upset. And I want to say something to her, but…. I’m walking a fine line of privacy.
Didn’t go to the beach today, because I was having a little belly ache… (If I don’t have enough protein in the morning, I get a belly ache) so I stayed home and played Words with Friends with my oldest son while everyone else went to the beach. And apparently, that was too much for me, because I got really tired and had to take a nap. But that is how it goes these days…. I have good days and bad days…. and I guess today was just a bad day.
I have been getting along well with sleep. I did have to take a lunesta the first night we were here. But as always while we are here, cocktails with dinner. The second night (or was it the first??) I had 2 delicious glasses of wine (pictured above). My husband and I got my mother in law a Wine of the Month club membership and this was one of them. Last night they had red wine and I don’t do red wine, it gives me a headache. So, I had my “slushies” (frozen dacquiri’s).
Found out the day before we were leaving that my aunt has a mass on her overies most likely cancerous. And my family is so weird, its like if someone has something, it spreads like whild fire, and you HAVE to go get checked because EVERYTHING is hereditary…. I mean yes, I know that this could be serious. And really that she even still has her ovaries at her age is saying something for my family; everyone has had hysterectomies. I must get my female stuff from my dads side, because luckily, I don’t have any female problems. But, I digress….
So, that is that. Just wanted to check in with everyone, let them know I’m alive….
edit: I should note that everyone that wanted to meet up with me has plans. so, no seeing friends or cousins on my side of the family.
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Slacking Off Tiems
Today is my fifth wedding anniversary. We are free of our child until Thursday… yeah, I’m going to go do Things™®, hee hee. Maybe I’ll have something to say tomorrow, but I’m not going to worry about that overly.
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well today was a waste of a fucking day. i spent the better part of it hooked up to an IV and oxygen. i got my first EKG today too. la-dee-fucking-da.
lemme back up a bit.
Saturday i woke up with a cramp in my right shoulder and neck. Felt kinda like i had slept funny so I tried slowly stretching it out a bit and taking it easy. shouldn’t have been a big deal…these things usually resolve themselves in a couple of hours.
only it didn’t. by Sunday it was worse. far worse. my range of mobility was limited even more. before i could only turn my head to the left, but by Sunday neither direction was working. XBF came by relatively spontaneously to “pick something up” and after he finished inspecting the place (“why is there a condom wrapper in the bedroom?”…uh, don’t you remember fucking the other day? let me refresh your memory. you were blindfolded and had wrist cuffs on.) he tried to massage the area but it was so painful i started to cry and told him to stop. i took 400mg of ibuprofen that didn’t do shit. then i took 1000mg of tylenol which barely took the edge off.
clearly a trip to the health center was in order for monday. i figured i’d go after my psychiatrist appt. by monday morning though, the pain was excruciating. i thought, this is fucking ridiculous. i’ll just go in now. i changed out of my pjs into a sundress, a process that was extremely painful. i shouted and cried as i pulled my shirt off and my dress on. i briefly considered calling XBF for a ride but thought it would take too long.
i almost fainted on the way but i made it to the health center. by then i couldn’t sit down. fortunately it’s summer so students are all gone. the nurse called my name in just a couple of minutes. she asked me to sit down and the room started to flash and spin. a sweat broke out on my face. i tried to breathe slowly and told her i felt like vomiting and passing out. she asked me to lean back against the wall but that was out of the fucking question.
i was in maximal pain and discomfort. i began sweating profusely and my breathing got shallow. i became dizzy and knew it was only a matter of minutes before i would lose consciousness. i told the nurse a few more times that i needed to pass out and finally, as my eyes are closing and i’m succumbing to passing out, she gets it.
i went to a different place.
there were people all around me, talking to me, talking to each other. my discomfort level is breaking records. sweat. tears. pain. no position was comfortable. somehow they got me on a gurney. i saw the IV drip get rolled in. they put a bunch of stickers on me to take an EKG. i was given oxygen.
i was pricked 3 times before the stupid IV needle got where it needed to go. she even tried digging around on one of them which is a really strange sensation. tried to give me some BS about my veins being difficult. the hell they are. fucking incompetence.
they couldn’t give me pain meds until i recovered from the fainting spell, and besides they had to figure out what was okay with all the other shit i’m taking. i clearly wasn’t going to make my psychiatrist appointment so they called upstairs to let them know and to consult with her about what i can take for pain.
problematically, my blood pressure was very low and my heart rate was just ridiculous. around 40 bpm i think. i got grilled about my behavior and why my heart rate was so low. has this ever happened before? do i have an eating disorder?
i don’t know how long i was there. they gave me a shot for the pain eventually. injectable ibuprofen. didn’t do shit. due to my low pulse, they refused to give me muscle relaxers. the doc came by and asked about the valium i was prescribed several months ago. i said it was all gone, and she gave me a sideways look before saying i was prescribed 60 tablets. i didn’t realize how it would sound until it was already out of my mouth.
“yeah, but my dog ate it”
in any case, they prescribed me with some ibuprofen and told me to stop taking valproic acid until i see my psychiatrist on thursday. i had to call someone for a ride home, apparently, so i texted XBF.
called a few times.
texted Satan Spawn and what do you know, he was able to get back to me within 10 min or so. he finally came to pick me up and i walked out covered in bandaids and EKG stickers. he took me to the store and then home where i passed out (slept).
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