I am sitting here at the shop, minding the store while R is out doing some sort of outcall.
I had to leave briefly for an eye appointment.
They took my blood pressure and it was a little high.
I was having a panic attack.
Yes, from the mere act of an eye doctor appointment sent me into a panic attack that highered my blood pressure. I had to explain myself, lest they start freaking out about how I need to get that checked out…And I was embarrassed. Panic attacks are humiliating. I have learned to channel them inward for the most part,so aside from the whole deer in headlights looking for an exit thing, most don’t know I am having a panic attack unless it’s one of the monster attacks.
Unless it’s a doctor’s appointment and they take my blood pressure. That never lies.
Now I just feel dumb.
And the eye doc said there have been drastic changes in my right eye that concern him and might be signs of diabetes so I have to go get that checked out. Which means more panic and freaking out and pacing office floors because I cannot do waiting with any grace.
Just something so goddamned simple…
and it’s a major ordeal for me.
Self loathing doesn’t begin to cover how I feel after these stupid panic attacks. I wish they’d just go away.
