More stuff

A few more things I notice, in random order, just to keep track of them

Libido: It really is back. And I nearly had forgotten how nice it is to actually not have to work for an hour or so to get an orgasm 😀. It just makes the occasional quickie so much more enjoyable 😀

Emotions: all over the place. And no PMS. This stuff where I cry at the drop of a hat, didn´t remember that. Nothing particularly dramatic, just that my throat closes and tears come to my eyes seeing pictures of sick animals or hearing about some happy event or whatever. Total sentimental. It isn´t really unpleasant.. only unexpected. 

The anger stuff hasn´t reappeared fortunately, even if I do get these moments of feeling overwhelmed/out of control for the most stupid stuff. Like, a jacket getting tangled in a clothes hanger. Go figure. 

Teh body. Going on those meds made me put on about 5 kg (10 pounds) and I was overweight before. Two of these kilos have gone already (have been avoiding the sweets for a few weeks now though) and I LOOK different. From both birth control and psych meds, somehow my upper chest and shoulders and neck all ..blow up. Difficult to describe, but I just get this weight lifter physique in my upper body, while below, I seem pregnant. Lots of it apparently is water retention, and that is getting a bit better. I soon might fit again in jackets and blouses from 2 years ago. 

A few thoughts on procrastination: This bane of my life actually got a lot worse while on the meds, just with a different motivation. Without meds, I procrastinate because certain things make me feel anxious. On meds, I procrastinate because I just don´t care. Both are damaging, in particular to my work situation. So I will have to establish a routine where I work specifically on the stuff which makes me angst, with EFT, until it doesnt any more. Or something. Still trying to put that together.

Still, one thing is progressing, which has been put on hold more or less since I started medication 2 years ago. Yesterday I downloaded a writing software, in order to put the hundreds of annotations, character drawings, outlines and whatnot I made for that crime novel I was working on in a shape which allows me to finally DO something with it. It has kind of run away on its own, with several different plots and outcomes, and I need to decide which one to work on. I can´t wait to have a few hours of uninterrupted time to start on that, and that alone is a completely different situation.. until a few weeks ago, the thought of the unfinished thing in my computer and notebooks made me feel uncomfortable, nothing else. Now my fingertips are burning to start working on it again 😀

Overall, mostly positive stuff, I´d say. I sure hope things continue like that!

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