A hellish week

I probably should have started this some time ago, to observe how reducing the Celexa was impacting on my daily life.

But, honestly, until I stopped it completely after a few weeks on 10 mg, I really did not notice any big difference. I vaguely remembered from 1999 that there weren´t any noticeable symptoms, so I hoped/assumed it would be the same this time. Well, it was not.

That might have been caused partially by the fact that a number of issues conspired to make the past one a very very busy, often chaotic week, which allowed for very few sleep. And one of my main OCD issues is sleep.. I am always afraid I don´t get enough of it (though I do generally need less than the average person, I function perfectly well with 6-7 hours on average if those are of good quality) and if for some reason I can´t sleep enough my equilibrium goes out of the window very fast.

I think I´ll just list here the things I noticed, and see how they evolve over the next period. I´ll try to do the professional hypochondriac thing and evaluate the gravity of the symptoms from 0 (none) to 10 (extremely intense)

Withdrawal side effects: Vertigo (5), nausea (2), difficulty concentrating (7), dry mouth (4), “electric currents” (5), Insomnia (7)

Self-hurting: Nail biting (8), unhealthy eating (3), avoidance of physical exercise (6), manic scratching of body parts (6)

Compulsive and obsessive actions and thoughts: Masturbation until exhaustion (6), Worrying about lack of sleep (8), Worrying about death of close people (8), Worrying about own future (8), Anger management problems (8), Disproportional reactions to events (8)

General self-evaluation of mental status:
Positive:  perception of more alertness and heightened awareness of reality. Strengthening of emotional connection to others. Growing of creative urges. Growing libido.
Negative:  Heightened anxiety as a general status. Possible manic episode waiting to happen.

Ok, this is more difficult than I had thought. Triggering too. I guess that is enough for now, I will try to continue here as often as possible.


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