Tag Archives: society

Slowly, Slowly Onwards

I’m at home today. That’s often the case, especially at this rather late stage of pregnancy. We’re in the last month, woo! A few more days, and I’ll be absolutely and fully cleared for home birth, which is a relief. It has been wonderful how supportive and understanding everyone has been — the midwives, my psychiatrist, the psychiatrist at gyno wing, etc. Everyone understands that this isn’t some sort of crunchy earth mother thing for me — home birth is absolutely about my mental health. It was the first time, years before I got my bipolar diagnosis as well. I just knew that three things are very big anxiety triggers for me, and to be avoided at all costs.

Those are:

  • Noise
  • Lights
  • People

Now, as an exercise — what are hospitals full of? Yeaaaah. While I accept that if something goes wrong, I will have to go to the hospital, everyone is pretty understanding that overnighting is to be avoided at all costs. While I’m going back on my meds the very second the childling is born, the last thing I need after the stress of birthing is to be on a strange ward, alone but for the newborn… and upwards of 11 other ladies and their newborns. But everything looks pretty good — childling is tiny and sprawled like a starfish (one of the midwives extended her arms to full and flailed, which meant I got to introduce her to the fact yes, I refer to this child as a starfish), and childling is spinning like a top (gah), the head is pointed downwards and everyone is feeling pretty positive about things going my way. So yanno, fingers crossed that kiddo continues to cooperate for my mental health and ease of shtuffs. :D

Now, I did find out from the midwife-psychiatrist that, in her opinion, I didn’t need to come off the Seroquel. The Zoloft probably (she rated it more likely to have negative effects), but not so much the Seroquel. I sigh at this point — what’s done is done, and there’s only a month to get by without it now. Perhaps I pushed myself too hard to come off, or perhaps I felt the midwives themselves were not sure about their ability to monitor effectively based on what they could bring to the home birth. Mind, I believe a woman should do what she sees best for her health while pregnant, and after — there is no shame in taking your meds and not breastfeeding, for example. If I had been diagnosed before Lilbit’s birth, it would have been a non-choice, as it is this time. I’m going to do a lot better for my children being back on my meds instead of ‘doing it right’. After all, the most recent studies show that breastfeeding isn’t substantially better than bottle-feeding based on comparisons within families; there is a degree of inherent classism in ‘breast is best’ that ignores the fact that most mothers who are able to breastfeed have jobs that enable them to pump, or can afford to stay home, etc. Of *course* there is going to be a ‘better’ result in situations where a parent is able to spend more time with their child, and that’s going to come whether or not there’s a boob in the equation. But eh, the mommy wars… this is an area of existence that I made a conscious decision to avoid. I am all for treating women as if their agency is valid at all times, and I try to leave it at that.

Anyhoos, as I keep forgetting that I was working on this (I’m accompanied by a sicky-bic Lilbit today; she seems to be doing pretty well), I should probably wrap it up. I continue to be tired, sore, and counting down the days until I can get back on my meds. I’m still holding up fairly well mood-wise, especially considering the pain and discomfort factors (and it’s ridicul-hot here right now, especially at night). Mind, I expect things to go a bit to the depressive side of things once the kiddo is born… but we’ll see. I’d rather try to be optimistic that getting back on my meds will catch things before they get too far gone!

 

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Today is the First World Bipolar Day

Hello, my fellow Bipolaratti (and non-bipolar folks who come by, hee hee)!

Look at us — we have a day! This comes compliments of the International Society for Bipolar Disorders, and related organizations:

http://www.isbd.org/advocacy-and-patient-resources/world-bipolar-day
https://www.facebook.com/worldbipolarday

The purpose of today is familiar to most of us who have chosen to blog about our disorder — we are doing our best to lift the lid on what it’s like to live with bipolar, and to show that we’re people the same as anyone else. We are doing the best to show that while bipolar has a checklist at the doctor’s office, that each of us suffer differently no matter how many ticks we might make on a list. We are doing our best to show that we are not lazy, or making excuses — we are doing our best to live as full a life as fucking possible with a brain that is doing its best to murder us.

We are doing our best to show that we are not being ‘drama queens’ — our brains are trying to murder us. The fact that the suicide rate is so much higher amongst the bipolar population proves that one. And that suicide and suicide attempts are not a symbol of weakness, but rather, hopelessness, exhaustion; there are very few of us that haven’t attempted or considered attempting suicide at least once, and that is because there was no visible way out. It doesn’t make us bad people for wanting escape, or less, or crazy. I think most of us, if we could put someone else in our shoes, would, just so they could understand what a sparking jungle of bad brain wiring we’re fighting against in addition to fighting against a society that tries to tell us we are less, or not trying hard enough.

Not trying hard enough? HAH. Hah. Hah. I wake up every day right now in severe physical pain and exhaustion. I might get a little bit of empathy because I’m currently pregnant (so thereby possessing a visible ‘legit’ reason), but I’m sure there people lining up to roll their eyes and mock the fact it means that I can’t fight my brain as well right now. That’s pretty shit, yo — I certainly didn’t intentionally try to think of that song that pushes me to severe depression immediately (bonus points — my head tried to convince me it was okay to listen to. Not fucking falling for that one again!), nor did I want to get stuck in an anger loop ruminating about people who have been assholes to me. I’ve busted my ass since I was a kid to be able to defuse these bombs when they drop into my lap, but that requires the resources to spend to deal with the impact of the brain throwing up this sort of crap, as well as the resources to stop them from making things worse. And then there’s the fear that once you get the hang of defusing your brain’s current set of bombs that it will find something even worse and harder to fight. And when the bombs are dropping faster and faster and you can see the countdown timer ticking down, ticking, ticking… whelp. It’s not like a stupid little game on your phone where you get tinny sad music and try again. You only get one life for reals, one shot, but yanno… just not trying hard enough. Obviously.

Now, I’m one of the lucky ones with bipolar. I know I have it, and what kind I have (Bipolar II, rapid cycling). I have meds that work when I’m on them (and deity, can’t wait until this kiddo is out and I can get back on them — only 75 days or so to go!). I have worked really hard to develop coping methods and ways to defuse my brain’s attempts to kill me. I have good friends of varying degrees of mental health and illness who love me, accept me as I am, and support me through the good and bad times (and I do the same for them). I am lucky because I do not care what others think of me, and because stigma and misinformation will not cost me my job or anyone who truly matters to me (I’ve weeded out most of the chaff by now, hee hee). I have my voice, and I use it wherever I can on my behalf, and on the behalf of my friends who cannot speak out due to fear and stigma. I’ve been told before that I love really weird people, and that’s true — us ‘weirdos’ are the ones that need the understanding and love, and I would much rather spend my limited resources on those who are most needing and *gasp* appreciative.

So of course, I use today as another chance to speak up and out, and to try to share a bit of insight into my brain. As ugly as it can be, this is my lot in life, and I am not prone to hyperbole about my suffering and conditions. I do not want attention or pity, or an excuse to be an asshole. I want understanding for myself and others, and understanding that the set of circumstances we are working from are difficult at best. And that one way to make them less difficult for all involved (because yes, you poor dear neurotypical folk, I DO understand we’re hard to deal with) IS to be understanding, and patient, and kind. Fear of judgement and stigma tend to make one react in an overwhelmingly negative way; this is something am still fighting with myself over.

But it doesn’t get better when ‘well-meaning’ lack of understanding minimizes what we’re dealing with. Educate yourselves, if you’re not familiar with the basics of bipolar; there’s lots of great information on wiki, Healthyplace, Psychcentral, and so on. There’s a wealth of personal insight here on The Bipolar Blogger Network, on WordPress, and all over the internet. And while many of us do spend a lot of energy sharing and trying to educate, remember that no one with bipolar has an obligation to teach you anything. By all means, educate yourself and try to support loved ones with bipolar, but it is not their job to hand you a how-to guide. They’re probably spending most of their resources just trying to get through another day, and getting huffy because they’re not able to spare anything for you is… well. Pretty dickish.

Don’t be a dick.

Bipolar is a life-long illness. While some folks are lucky enough that it goes into remission and they can live a normal life, it’s less common than one might think (and some types like Bipolar II have INCREDIBLY non-existent remission rates). On this inaugural World Bipolar Day, I guess it boils down to this for me — I have a life-long condition. I am doing my best to manage it and live as full a life as I can. I am not bad, or crazy, or lazy — I have a broken brain, and much like any other physical illness, I deserve understanding and compassion for the hardship this places in my life. So does anyone else with any sort of mental or physical illness, visible or otherwise. These are qualities that most people claim to consider important and would wish applied towards themselves, so let’s all make a point to remember the Golden Rule — do unto others as you would have them do unto you. It’s a good way to live anyways!

<3

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Is Society to Blame for the Mental Health Care System not working?

Image

NEWS FLASH:  Mental Illness exists in our world. One in Four people in the United States have a mental illness. Mental Illnesses really are chemical imbalances in the brain. They are not a sign of weakness. In fact, those who endure a mental illness are probably stronger than those who don’t have one.

With that said, why is it that no one wants to talk about it? Well, one reason is because of the stigma.  If you are lucky enough to not have a mental illness, then you might not understand it. You most likely have judged those with mental illnesses as being crazy people who go out and commit crimes. 

Well, not all of us go out and kill people.  Less than 1% of those with a mental illness are violent. People with mental illnesses are more apt to be a victim of violence.

It really upsets me that the stigma in America is still so bad.  It is like we are treated like the blacks were treated when they were fighting for their Civil Rights. We are outcasts.  It is similar to how gays were perceived up until recently. Most of society has accepted that blacks are equal to everyone else and that gay people should not be shunned and made to feel like they have to hide it.

When will those with mental illnesses get their turn?  Nothing will change until people start talking about it. One good thing has been happening lately is that celebrities are letting the world know that they struggle with a mental illness. Most of them are using it for the good. We need the other ones to do so too. There is nothing to be ashamed of. They need to use their clout to educate others.

Our media needs to start talking about mental illness. It is such a taboo topic. There is no reason why when a tragedy occurs and a person with a mental illness is involved that in addition to talking about the incident that they could offer information about what the illness is, what to look for in others, where they can find resources and to let people know that it is ok to get help.

Our society needs to change.  A few politicians can’t do it, organizations that advocate for those with mental illnesses, those with mental illnesses who are strong advocates can’t do it, the media can’t do it. Society needs to decide as a whole that we need change.  Everyone needs to do their part in changing it all. 

Let’s prevent the next tragedy. Let’s put things in bulletins in churches, synagogues, and mosques that educate people about the different illnesses and let it be known that there is someone there who can listen and not judge.

Judging those with mental illnesses is the problem.  Until that changes, we will all still be considered crazy.  We may do crazy things, but doesn’t everyone? Is it ever going to be ok to tell an employer that you suffer from depression and not have to worry that you will get fired or not hired?  When will telling someone that you suffer from a mental illness be treated the same way as if you told them that you had diabetes or thyroid disease.  

When will things change? I don’t know. However, what I do know is that nothing will change until society decides it needs to. If our society wants to prevent tragedies then we really need to do something about it sooner than later. 

Things need to change, but it is not just the stigma.  The way people with mental illnesses are treated in mental hospitals is awful. The Truth about Many Psychiatric Hospitals  People who need medications to stay out of the hospital can’t afford their medications. Everyone seems to want to just want to ignore the problem. If they don’t ignore it they talk about it and then don’t come up with any solutions.

Well, if they listened to those with mental illnesses, we would have possible solutions. However, because we are crazy, we are not even taken seriously.

NEWS FLASH: (Wouldn’t this be better?)  Those people who have a mental illness are now considered the same as everyone else in society. They are respected and listened to.  People understand that it is a chemical imbalance in their brain.  Hospitals now are better and they are able to afford their medications so less people are having to resort going into the hospital.  Employers understand that someone might have to take a few days off because they are depressed or manic or having anxiety attack and that it is not any different than them having the flu. The media is educating people about mental illnesses. Religious leaders have taken it upon themselves to let their congregations know that there is help available and it is ok to ask for it.  

Right now, as someone who suffers from bipolar disorder and has for thirty years, I am not holding out much hope that the second news flash will become a reality in my life time. 

We, as advocates can keep trying, but like I said it takes a lot more than that.

Trying to end on a positive note: There are a lot of people out there who do care and there are a lot of people who are learning more about mental illness. There are steps being taken in our government to help with this.  There are different activities that happen all over that attempt to educate others. It is not hopeless. It just should be a lot better than it is right now.

 

 

 

 

 


Is Society to Blame for the Mental Health Care System not working?

Image

NEWS FLASH:  Mental Illness exists in our world. One in Four people in the United States have a mental illness. Mental Illnesses really are chemical imbalances in the brain. They are not a sign of weakness. In fact, those who endure a mental illness are probably stronger than those who don’t have one.

With that said, why is it that no one wants to talk about it? Well, one reason is because of the stigma.  If you are lucky enough to not have a mental illness, then you might not understand it. You most likely have judged those with mental illnesses as being crazy people who go out and commit crimes. 

Well, not all of us go out and kill people.  Less than 1% of those with a mental illness are violent. People with mental illnesses are more apt to be a victim of violence.

It really upsets me that the stigma in America is still so bad.  It is like we are treated like the blacks were treated when they were fighting for their Civil Rights. We are outcasts.  It is similar to how gays were perceived up until recently. Most of society has accepted that blacks are equal to everyone else and that gay people should not be shunned and made to feel like they have to hide it.

When will those with mental illnesses get their turn?  Nothing will change until people start talking about it. One good thing has been happening lately is that celebrities are letting the world know that they struggle with a mental illness. Most of them are using it for the good. We need the other ones to do so too. There is nothing to be ashamed of. They need to use their clout to educate others.

Our media needs to start talking about mental illness. It is such a taboo topic. There is no reason why when a tragedy occurs and a person with a mental illness is involved that in addition to talking about the incident that they could offer information about what the illness is, what to look for in others, where they can find resources and to let people know that it is ok to get help.

Our society needs to change.  A few politicians can’t do it, organizations that advocate for those with mental illnesses, those with mental illnesses who are strong advocates can’t do it, the media can’t do it. Society needs to decide as a whole that we need change.  Everyone needs to do their part in changing it all. 

Let’s prevent the next tragedy. Let’s put things in bulletins in churches, synagogues, and mosques that educate people about the different illnesses and let it be known that there is someone there who can listen and not judge.

Judging those with mental illnesses is the problem.  Until that changes, we will all still be considered crazy.  We may do crazy things, but doesn’t everyone? Is it ever going to be ok to tell an employer that you suffer from depression and not have to worry that you will get fired or not hired?  When will telling someone that you suffer from a mental illness be treated the same way as if you told them that you had diabetes or thyroid disease.  

When will things change? I don’t know. However, what I do know is that nothing will change until society decides it needs to. If our society wants to prevent tragedies then we really need to do something about it sooner than later. 

Things need to change, but it is not just the stigma.  The way people with mental illnesses are treated in mental hospitals is awful. The Truth about Many Psychiatric Hospitals  People who need medications to stay out of the hospital can’t afford their medications. Everyone seems to want to just want to ignore the problem. If they don’t ignore it they talk about it and then don’t come up with any solutions.

Well, if they listened to those with mental illnesses, we would have possible solutions. However, because we are crazy, we are not even taken seriously.

NEWS FLASH: (Wouldn’t this be better?)  Those people who have a mental illness are now considered the same as everyone else in society. They are respected and listened to.  People understand that it is a chemical imbalance in their brain.  Hospitals now are better and they are able to afford their medications so less people are having to resort going into the hospital.  Employers understand that someone might have to take a few days off because they are depressed or manic or having anxiety attack and that it is not any different than them having the flu. The media is educating people about mental illnesses. Religious leaders have taken it upon themselves to let their congregations know that there is help available and it is ok to ask for it.  

Right now, as someone who suffers from bipolar disorder and has for thirty years, I am not holding out much hope that the second news flash will become a reality in my life time. 

We, as advocates can keep trying, but like I said it takes a lot more than that.

Trying to end on a positive note: There are a lot of people out there who do care and there are a lot of people who are learning more about mental illness. There are steps being taken in our government to help with this.  There are different activities that happen all over that attempt to educate others. It is not hopeless. It just should be a lot better than it is right now.

 

 

 

 

 


What, Again?!

Maybe it’s just me, but often? It feels like having bipolar (or any other sort of invisible illness) is a lot like being on trial forever. You’re on the stand, over and over again, repeating the same damned thing to different people, or maybe the same person two hundred different ways. It’s hard — you want to make your situation make sense. You want to help someone understand, so they can be a better ally and friend as they might wish to be. Or perhaps, you just want to break down a stereotype because you’ve seen a person using it to the detriment of yourself or those you care for. Whatever the case, it’s freaking exhausting. So is tilting at windmills, which let’s be fair — sometimes isn’t much less productive than trying to explain an invisible illness, mental or physical.

This is, of course, triggered by a real life happenstance! Thankfully, it’s not been too taxing a one, considering. And I am trying a new tact that might be a useful one to recommend around.  You see, the person in question has had a history of gaslighting me when I bring up my personal experience because it is not one this person has not personally had the displeasure of experiencing. So while I often feel that trying to explain things not only is to an unreceptive and uncaring audience, it’s still one that I would love to get the point across to. So I drafted friends in to say their piece. I don’t know how it is for everyone else in dealing with old friends and family who predate diagnosis, but it’s been my personal experience that many of them are incredibly dismissive because they chose to ignore how poorly I was doing by default. I don’t let people do that anymore, obviously. *grins* But I figure — if they won’t listen to me, perhaps they will listen to people who aren’t me who are saying things I personally would say (and in the vast majority of cases, more cogently than I could because hey, not pulling hair out trying to find yet another way to phrase the damned thing I’ve said a million times before!). While I am not sure what the final outcome of the discussion might be, I feel that applying this ‘trick’ has moved the person of contention into a place where they are more amenable and willing to consider experiences outside of their personal realm. If that personally benefits me too? This is the face of me not complaining. Plus, I think most of us can agree that it is a thing of sheer joy when we can help someone understand something new!


Beyond that, I’m sort of feeling better physically. Had my 20 week scan yesterday, and everything is where it should be on Yon Fetal Invader. And understanding YFI’s positioning in the womb better helps me translate the assorted movement, which is always exciting; I’m not one of those ladies who can tell you precisely where the baby is and what limb is doing what second to second, hee hee. My sleep is still terrible after coming off the Seroquel; my brain wakes at the end of sleep cycles when it didn’t used to, and it’s very annoying (and keeping my poor husband on the couch so he doesn’t disturb me). The irony of feeling sort of human is counterbalanced by the fact my nose is streaming snot, but ah well. I guess I can’t have it all in the feeling good department right now, and better to count the tiny blessings… like pretty much always.

Hope everyone is doing well!

<3

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It’s Just Another Day

In January, no less.

I don’t subscribe to the whole resolution thing. The popular ones are all supposedly about ‘self-improvement’, and more often than not these days, about ‘losing weight to get healthy’. Me, I’m a firm supporter of the Health at Every Size movement, because I think the extremes in diet and exercise people push themselves to in order to fit a narrow stereotype of ‘beauty’ is kind of horrifying, if only for how it destroys a body’s ability to regulate itself, and I guess they don’t like having metabolisms that work? Granted, I’m not telling anyone that they’re wrong for doing what they want to do either, just that it’s increasingly surreal to me how many people seem to act as if they’re not permitted to live until they’re a size zero (or ten. Or whatever number small somehow magically makes them ‘socially acceptable’). :/

I also find the concept of resolutions weird, insomuch that if it IS about self-improvement, why do so many people go for one throwaway day? I dedicated myself to self-improvement and self-discovery as a child, and adding some niggling ‘Look at me being good can I have a low-cal cookie?!’ to it just has never sat right with me. Once again — I accept that others might get some use out of the annual boot to the backside, but… *shakes head sleepily* It all seems like yet another marketing ploy to convince someone that they need a gym membership, or a new kind of diet product that completely neuters the good parts from food in the name of ‘health’.

So, I guess what I’m saying in my own sleepy way, is that I continue to dedicate myself to loving myself. I continue to dedicate to living my life as fully as I can, a task that is often quite chairbound due to severe chronic fatigue. I continue to dedicate to giving no fucks or damns as to whether or not I meet society’s expectations, because they are shallow and meaningless. The main point is that *I* am happy in my own skin, and that such happiness can radiate out and make my corner of the world a brighter place overall. After all, I’ve got way too much time and effort dedicated to fighting myself, so why waste more on other people’s silly expectations?! *grins*

Anyways, whatever your personal approach to the new year, I hope you are all having a lovely day.

<3

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Christmas

Christmas is that time of year when friends and families gather to bask in the warmth of togetherness, exchange stories, and catch up on each other’s lives. But why is it only one day or a few out of every year that people do this? It is a question I have had for years among […]

And in the News

It seems today that mental health is the hot topic in UK news. Some of it is for fairly good reasons, like trying to appreciate the importance of early detection and treatment:

Mentally ill are ‘dying needlessly’
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-24240408

Call for children’s mental health checks at seven
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-24263452

And some of it for less good reasons:

Asda and Tesco withdraw ‘psycho’ patient outfits
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-24278768

It’s two steps forward, and one step back. And yet, it’s all steps forward, because hooray for a country where people can say, ‘Oh hi, that’s some insensitive stigmagtizing bullshit you’ve got goign on there’, and the retailers throw their hands and say, ‘Whups, my bad.’ It would/will be even better when we hit a point that this kind of BS never comes, but you guys know me — I like to celebrate the steps in the right direction.

Some would consider the proposed checks for children to be a bad thing, on a related tangent. While I can appreciate that folks might find the concept an intrusive step too far for the nanny state, I think there’s room for such an idea to do a lot of good. I can’t fathom how different my life would have been if someone had caught my bipolar much earlier down the line. Not that I’m displeased with my life (quite the opposite!), but I will concede not having to put up with years of suffering in silence would have been peachy. I also feel that if people are brought to the idea that some folks have mental health disorders at a younger age, it certainly has the potential to make people more open-minded and accepting of things. After all, no one is reputedly born making negative stereotypes.

But really, all in all, it boils down to teaching society that mental health issues are just as devastating as physical ones, if not worse. No, I’m not trying to make it a pissing contest; after all, there are any number of physical illnesses that are just as invisible as the mental one. My beloved heatherbat has a physical sign (his cane), and still gets treated like some sort of faker.

But then, I’m preaching to the choir yet again. Most of you reading are like me — someone with a mental illness doing their best to show that hey, we’re just like everyone else in wanting to have a decent quality of life, and doing the best with what we have.

And now, I’m going to drag my fatigued butt back to data entry. I hope everyone out there is some shade of okay.

<3

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Cogency

I’m still running pretty no energy, but my mood continues to hold up pretty well. This is in spite of me needing to vent some steam and share a strong opinion in the last 24 hours over folks dissin’ my homeland-of-origin (Texas, for those who somehow missed that).

Now, I tend to bite back on opinions for a myriad of reasons. For one, every single person in the world is a hypocrite about something, including me. I always go over ways people could call me out for having a double standard, and ofttimes that precludes me putting my two cents out there. Which is sort of silly — it’s not like people can read my brain and pick out ways to point out how I’m legitimately wrong. That also presupposes that most people are willing to put together a well-researched argument, as well as being hyper-aggressive.

I also, like so many of us, used to be a lot brasher and nastier in having opinions when I was younger. Phrases like ‘If you believe X, then you’re *obviously* y’ (stupid, retarded, or some other inappropriate word here) were very normal from my face, and I am sure that made discussing things with me unpleasant. I’ve mellowed as I’ve aged, and I also had a wonderful exposure to a wonderful group of friends who believed in respect in arguments, and that helped me learn how to express my opinions without stomping all over everyone else by default.

I still have one big problem though — I make very definitive statements. I appreciate that many people feel threatened by definitive statements, as if it means that one is unbending in what they believe. This makes me sad — as said, I was lucky enough to be exposed to friends who could debate anything while respecting dissenting opinions. I generally want to discuss things and see other viewpoints to try and make my own more rounded. After all, how does one become rounded and polished if they don’t expose themselves to new materials to bring out their own shine?

Well, and I still have another problem I’m overcoming. Before I was diagnosed with bipolar and medicated, my default state was fight-or-flight. Combine being constantly irrational with ‘Fuck it, I feel terrible anyways’ and a physical need to get opinions out, and it was not a fun environment to be me, or be near me. I know that many people are probably still worried and wary that I’m going to bite their faces off, and to be fair? I can’t blame them. I know how hard I was to deal with — I had to deal with me 24/7!

But for now, I’m grateful at the progress I’m making, and how it’s getting easier to make sense and not set the world on fire the further along I come in my treatment//towards stability. I’m still very concerned about stepping on people, but I feel like I’m doing better. There’s always room for improvement, of course, but it doesn’t hurt to say ‘Hooray’ for what’s working out, right?

<3

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Odds and Sods, Bits and Bobs

Firstly, I wanted to take a moment to thank the half dozen or so people responsible for yesterday’s post. Before I even thought about turning it into a post, I’d been talking to several friends, which then in turn helped me organize my thoughts in a way that pleased me and expunged any minor ire I might have had. But it’s certainly part of why I love having a wide circle of acquaintanceship/friendship — much like putting a stone in a rock tumbler, other people are the grit that give an idea-rock a bright finish. I think most of y’all have already taken your bows here and there, so hooray for that.

I’m lucky to know so many awesome and intelligent people, and that also goes for any of you guys who made comments and expressed opinions to the post itself. You all helped me prove a good point whether or not you know it — Miss Brosh’s experiences are a great starting point for discussion, rather than the film finish happy ending. So it made me rather happy that the most verbose comments were folks who supported what she had to say, because it was an honoring of the things she had to say by turning it into a discussion. I agree with them — she had a lot of good to say, and I will definitely make use of the dead fish metaphor in the future. But certainly, the corn moment isn’t  the end-all point for everyone, no matter how identifiable-with it is for some! :D


My appointment with the psychiatrist went well yesterday, in my opinion. We’re upping my dose of Seroquel by another 50mg to 400mg, and adding in 50mg of sertraline (Zoloft). The addition of an antidepressant is something we’ve been holding back on, especially with my history of rapid cycling. The Seroquel has pretty much obliterated that, but there’s still enough episodes of depression and that mixed episode and whatnot that it’s worth tossing it on the pile. I’m hopeful — Zoloft is indicated for anxiety, depression, and OCD amongst various things, and those are the main things that I need a little boost-up on. I know it’ll take a couple of weeks for it to kick in in any meaningful way, so we’ll see. I just want to not feel terrible all the time. No matter how cheerful and cogent I might come off as, I feel like hell and it’s hard to think.

Oh, and I have to get another blood test done for the stupidest reason. My results came back with no issues with prolactin (so the Seroquel isn’t screwing up my menstrual cycle, I guess), but with a glucose result through the roof. Nobody freaking told me they’d be testing glucose. I was there drinking a damned soda when the test card was being written out. So I have to go in some morning next week to re-take it and show that my glucose levels are nearly normal. But oi doctors, why do they NEVER tell me about the glucose testing (which requires fasting)? Ah well, it’s only a minor annoyance in the scheme of things.

For the moment, I’m just sort of woozy and dopey. There’s an edge of ennui trying to wedge itself in a bit, but I’m doing my best to fight it off//resist the urge to go back to bed and sleep forever. I’ll hopefully figure something out to occupy my brain. :)

<3

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