Tag Archives: parenting

I’m at a Loss…

My son has missed WAY too much school this year. He’s attending a private school where he gets one-on-one attention and learns at his own pace, so he simply falls behind and the charges for missed classes just keep adding…

Nothering, Too Good, or Good Enough Mother?

Feminine Collective published Good Enough Mothering, a poem of mine about mothering a migraineur. Check it out.Filed under: Caregiving, Motherhood, Parenting, Self care Tagged: codependence, exhaustion, migraine, migraineur

Welcome Home

I took my sleeping pill, Trazadone, for the first time in months yesterday. The decision came before Jocelyn had her several meltdowns I mentioned in the last blog. I was actually planning on taking one on the night of her first meltdown. It was one of the first things I told my wife when I […]

Wave the White Flag

Need to write out the pain and exhaustion in my heart Pain and grieving my parents’ dementias Pain and exhaustion caring for my son Must back off both Must take care of myself Must Must Must Must take care of…

Cocooning

Cocooning Recovering from social demands From social interaction From caring for others My son My husband My parents From caring about too many From caring too much You may not hear from me You may not read much from me…

Happy Anniversary to KittOMalley.com

I’ve been blogging for three years! Yay! Hope to do more writing. Hands full this week caring for my son.  He’s going through a rough patch. His migraine medication (anti-seizure medication topiramate aka Topamax) interferes with his memory and cognition…

Hobbled

I always do this thing where I think, “I feel rock bottom shitty, at least it can’t get worse.”

Then it does get worse.

Like three days without internet service. THREE DAYS. Followed by reloading my phone with talk time, only to use it ALL on the cable company’s 800 number being on hold, in line, directed by an automated voice, and begging for a LIVE PERSON.

So in addition to no net for those days, I spent about thirty bucks on phone time for a call that should be free.

It can, and always does, get worse.

I had a lovely Friday night with my kid at my mom’s. No brat neighbor kids stalking me. I just chilled.

Saturday she returned and in under an hour, she was back to having a stomping screaming fit. Like I could make the internet work. She hit me. Then her friends showed and she was okay an hour before she started getting in their face and waving her fist.

The neighbor kids cause me a lot of stress.

That day I realized…MY kid causes most of my stress. Because I am at a loss as how to deal with her. If this is behavioral, then all the grounding, loss of privileges, etc, it should be making a dent. But it doesn’t and now she’s turning on her friends. She’s making my life a living hell.

I thought it’s just cos I am hormonal thus super sensitive. But…No. My life with Spook is a battlefield and I don’t know what weapons to bring. She actually kicked me in the head the other day. I took away friends, games, etc…Nothing. She just doesn’t care.

The doctor doesn’t care. Oh, wait, my kid hasn’t actually seen the doctor in 2 years, it’s always practitioners these days. They won’t take my concerns seriously until the teacher fills out a form. Well, the teacher never seems concerned.

Which leads back to me and it must all be me except…NO. I do not believe on any planet it is normal for a 7 year old to have such violent rages and lack empathy or learn from doing the same bad behavior again and again and getting disciplined but never changing.

Something is at play and I feel trapped. The professionals won’t help me. Until my home life becomes less of a nightmare, my depression and anxiety aren’t going to improve. I came to that realization over the weekend with tears and a lot of “I am a shit mother” guilt. It’s true, though, no child should have the power to terrorize you and make your home life miserable.

The difference is, I don’t believe it’s because she’s a bad kid. I think, like our entire family, there is something off in her brain chemistry. But because she is so young, only ADHD will be diagnosed and if they don’t even see that in her…I am a prisoner here.

I am going to talk to my shrink next month. Maybe have a tearful breakdown. I can’t plan this shit, it usually just happens when it will mortify me the most. Maybe he knows a way to bypass all this molly coddling “just a child” shit and get her in with him to see if maybe she needs some pre-bipolar counseling or medication.

It just sucks to realize that of all my stress, the money, the house falling apart, my brain falling apart…the worst part is the stress my kid places on me with her unacceptable behavior. I can’t believe I am expected to deal with a kid who hits me. I can’t spank her, though. But I can’t defend myself, either.

Something’s got to give.

The system just doesn’t work all around. Not a newsflash, but I just want the best for my kid and if I can’t even get her care from a doctor until she’s going into her teens…The system is very much broken and responsible for all the “bad kids” out there. Treat them before they go bad, for fuck’s sake.

In other news…The net is fixed, I’m still hormonal, and episode 1 of American Horror Story season six did not impress me. I am almost afraid to watch Z Nation lest it make me so disappointed.

Hopefully, Superstore will give me a giggle Thursday.

Clean up, aisle 6, the zombies ate all the customers again….

 


MHA Infographic: Things Adults Say That Hurt Instead of Help

Sharing this from Infographic: Things Adults Say That Hurt Instead of Help Filed under: Mental Health, MHA, Parenting Tagged: achievement, Alcohol, drugs, friends, gender identity, parents, self-injury, sex, sexual orientation, slut shaming, Stress, weight, youth

The Rebel and His Mother

The Rebel When my son was a preschooler in daycare His class had a field trip to the local In ‘N Out As we walked back to the daycare center My son held my hand We walked in pairs down…

When Parents & Executive Directors Suck: A Mama Bear Speaks Out!

I promised to write about what triggered me last week, and here it is. I apologize if you find this post boring, especially since I quote email exchanges to explain what happened. But I wanted to keep my promise!  Most importantly, I wanted to read your comments to see if you have any insights you wish to … Continue reading When Parents & Executive Directors Suck: A Mama Bear Speaks Out!