Tag Archives: life

Reblog – Suicidal prevention awareness month thoughts and review of 13 Reasons Why

Originally posted on NOT MY SECRET...overcoming the shame of sexual abuse:
Obvious trigger warnings* I was awake all night due to ongoing symptoms of the grand mal seizure and its after affects. I watched all 13 episodes of 13 Reasons Why. My daughter told me it was not anything like the book. I have…

“I’m The Ugliest Girl I Know”

That title is a quote from Pink’s acceptance speech at the VMA awards and refers to what her 6-year-old daughter, Willow, said on her way to school one day. However, it is something I said many times myself at that age and all through my life. Pink’s speech is very powerful and should be seen …

Grumpy, but Trying

Yeah yeah, I know, I fell off the radar again. The tl;dr is that my brain continues to be fine in the not swinging sense, crap in the actual spoons to do anything sense, and for my body? Hooboy. The chronic fatigue has gone from bad to ridiculous in the past year, to the point where I need a walking stick to do the school run (it’s just over half a mile round trip by foot).

 

Braiiaaains

So like, the only ‘bad’ brain stuff I have lately is in dreams. I’ve had the weird occasional spot of feeling depressed in my dreams, to the point of actually tasting and feeling the chemicals. Thankfully, those weren’t dreams where I woke bolt up thinking it was actually happening, so that’s something. Really though, it’s been rather resilient — and that includes having been dealing with a bullying situation for most of the past year. Don’t worry about that though guys, that situation has long since lost its ability to cause me distress. 🙂

So while that’s good, the whole able to function thing is… well. I can’t say limited per se, because I manage my daily writing, and I manage to do a good job of work, but I have less left after those things than I used to. I can’t remember the last time I was able to properly make the rounds and visit other peoples’ blogs, which… well, I’m past the point of caring. I want to be able to care and to go a-visiting, but I don’t have it in me. Of course, those of you seeing this are probably completely understanding of how that goes, so thanks in advance for understanding. I’m hoping I can try to find a little bit of energy to direct towards doing some basic maintenance for the network, but I make no promises.

 

Body Talk

Really, the bulk of my issues are body-related. Weight aside (thanks meds and IUD!), the chronic fatigue package comes with feeling like I’ve got the flu all the time. I’ve got various aches and pains by default. I occasionally have dizziness which may or may not be related to that, but is something I’ve been dealing with since I was a stick figure of a human anyways. I’m in day after next to get blood taken for testing, so we’ll see if any new and fun gremlins have popped up. I’ve taken to using one of the walking sticks we bought for geocaching for anything that isn’t to the car and back, if only to help prevent worse back pain.

((I’ll add here that I am not looking for advice or suggestions to try and help pain and fatigue, or ‘weight management’. Offering such is asking me to go ballistic AND pedantic on you and let’s just avoid that, kk? <3))

Still, I do a pretty good job of keeping myself cheerful and sane, so that’s something.

I won’t make any promises to come around more. Like I said, I don’t have a lot of spare mental spoonage these days. But I hope I can make myself drag corpse this way. As usual, if you need more immediately confirmation I’m alive, poke me on Twitter or Instagram.

<3

Thought for the day: 14 August 2017

Originally posted on sanctuary5014:
Here are some very wise words from Wisewoodpigeon. Until just a few years ago I was always trying to be the best me I thought others wanted. Wish I had seen this then! Lydia! sanctuary5014 View original postFiled under: Life, Reblogs, self-care Tagged: be yourself, best, blogging, blogs, reblog, self-image, thought

Where There Is Fire…

    I know the old saying is “where there is smoke there is fire”. But you know I love to play with my titles and in this case, my interpretation is more accurate. I live in Western Canada, between … Continue reading

Back On The Journey To Vibrant

In 2016 I picked the word “vibrant” as my word for the year. I realize, however, that with all the things going on I got away from its true meaning for me. My word for this year was “limitless” and … Continue reading

Paper Tea and Five Flavour Life Savers

One of my favourite relatives was my Mom’s Aunt Annie. She, along with her father, sister May, and my Mom’s Dad, Wilfred, came to Canada when Annie was in her early twenties. They all lived in a small house in … Continue reading

Am I A Slave to Time?

The passing of time
Is not flawless
Minutes on the hour
Can be torturous
The ticking in the air
Is never serendipitous
The movement of my hand
Or a voice incredulous
Changes wavelengths
Can contort heart rates
Its when the sunshine dissipates
Darkness encroaches
And sometimes sets fate
That I am most afraid
Fear my breath is stolen
Depression lingers and waits
For if my guard sets down
The devil somehow anticipates
My weakened and fragile state
The clock on the mantle
The watch on my wrist
Simultaneously dictates
The very existence I emulate
Much to my dismay
The second hand has now
Made me a slave
I cannot count the seconds
Left in my life
But clearly
By all accounts
They are for whatever reason
Keeping me alive

 

 

 


Body, Not Brain

I have been rubbish about checking in here… sorry about that. But like, most of my problems these days have been physical rather than mental. Even with having been putting up with a bullying situation in my social group, the stress and upset in response to that has been minimal and within ‘normal’ tolerance.

My body, on the other hand, is fired. My chronic fatigue levels are so high that I don’t really manage to blog anything but my daily blog. That includes reading other blogs — I still care, but I don’t have the spoons to act on it really. I can wish for a miracle and hope that it will improve somehow, but I’ve been dealing with it for 21 years, and it tends to keep getting worse. Add in my back pain, which has existed nearly as long (and since I was a stick figure of a teenager), and I’ve got the walking stick style down pat.

I still would say I have a pretty good quality of life though. I still get my knitting and gaming done. I still get my ‘required’ daily writing done. I don’t murder the children, I am productive at work — but all of that takes most of what I have. I can’t say that I’m regretful or upset though, because like… that’s wasting spoons I don’t have. I certainly hope that it comes around (see paragraph previous, redux, blah blah blah).

So, what does it mean for around here? I don’t know. I’m not closing down the blog or the network, even if they’re both getting neglected. I firmly believe that both are still important, and it’s more a matter of finding a way to work this space and you lovely people back in, because even if I’m not wasting time on regret, I still miss you folk. But we’ll see.

For now, I scoot.

<3

Reblog – Addiction – Part 1

Originally posted on A Tony Of All Trades:
#addiction #Impulse #Debt #BuyItNow DON’T READ THIS!!! You don’t have any addictions. I can stop any time I want. It has been a hard day, you deserve a treat. It’s not hurting…