Daily Archives: July 10, 2018

Still Not Well

I got to feeling worse and worse as yesterday went on–I finally had to take a Xanax to get my thoughts to stop spinning around.  I feel some better today but not much.  I am getting ready to put all my new CD’s in the stereo and listen to them and see if I can cheer myself up.  I don’t know what the problem is.

Later this week we got to Biloxi for a dance competition.  I’m not looking forward to that– I am sick of the schedule for dance and do not want to go to three days of it.  I just hate it.

Next week I will be busy following up with doctors so that will keep me busy.  I just wish I knew what to do with myself the rest of the time.  I am so tired and sleepy; I had a bad night snoring and kept Bob up so that wasn’t any fun.

Maybe I should go ahead and take another Xanax in case it kicks back up again.  We will see.

 

Depressed

Hi. I’m back. Well this is awkward. Akward? Awwkwaaard? I don’t know how to spell it. Leave me alone! Sorry, I should probably give some context. I’m extremely depressed. I need help. I got a new job a few weeks ago and in my hypomanic attempt to be the best employee possible I think I … More Depressed

Start talking about suicide and mental illness ALL THE TIME!

vectorThe news recently revolved around suicides of famous people and when a celebrity comes out or there is a mass shooting, some light is shed on mental illness.

However, the important talk about a national epidemic fades quickly and this is a tragedy.

It is upon each individual to know the signs of mental illness and suicide, what to do if they see them, and to get over the stigma of mental illness.

Please, if you know someone right now who you think might be suicidal or suffering from depression or another mental illness, do not hesitate to ask them if everything is okay. YOU COULD SAVE A LIFE!

If you don’t know where to go, please google “Bipolar Bandit” where you will find my blog, FB page, Twitter page and Pinterest. I also run FB group called Advocates for People with Mental Illnesses that has over 25,000 people worldwide that discuss topics facing the world today regarding mental health. I also have a FB page called Mental Health Advocates United that posts encouraging memes and information about the various illnesses.

The first step in fixing the epidemic is for everyone to get educated. Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255

suicide666

 

Mania or Depression: Will I stay in the light this time?

lightMy life has been a roller coaster since I was 13.   There have been times when medications have worked and I have been stable, but these don’t last very long.  Now, the problem is I think I might be medication resistant.

I mainly suffer from depression and can’t do much about it because anti-depressants can trigger mania.  I seem to be cycling more into mania now in the past few years more than ever. Some people like mania, but I don’t.  Yes- the hypo-mania is good because I have the energy to do things that I have not been able to motivate myself into doing when I am depressed.   However, then the mania comes and has ended relationships, cost me a lot of money, and I have done things I regret. One thing I do is over commit myself and then disappoint people when I get depressed and can’t even get out of bed.

Currently, I am hypo-manic and fear I will be manic. I have a new doctor and a new medication regimen so I am hoping that I won’t get manic.  However, my fear, is that I will plummet into depression.  Yet again, however, I am on a “medication” that helps with depression and I am praying that this will help.  This med is not covered by insurance and is called Deplin which you need a prescription for and is basically folic acid.

So, will I stay in the light this time?  I am excited as I have actually applied for a few jobs. (I have been on disability for 11 years.  I have worked for my dad and mainly focus on my mental health advocacy pages.)  I also have finally found a church that I plan to join.  I also have a trip planned to go see relatives.

Now, if I can just stay “happy”.  I have started associating hypomania with happiness.  Unfortunately, it is almost  sad that since I don’t want to be manic, I don’t want to be happy.  I would much rather be depressed than manic.

My last depression I was in that I came out of about a week ago, was the worst in a long time.  I was suicidal and so hopeless.  I just sat and watched television and did not even get online to work on mental health advocacy stuff or check in on FB or Twitter. I literally watched tv and ate.   Now, of course, I have gained 15 pounds and that causes depression in itself.

So, I am going to refus to be bleak and end this blog with “I am going to stay in the light” this time.  I have been going for walks, pretty sure I will be getting a job, am eating better, and have promised myself I will get on the computer for at least an hour even if I  do get depressed.

It is so hard to get out of depression when you don’t do anything about it. I have written blogs about what to do if you are depressed, but yet I don’t follow my own advice.  I get the feeling where I don’t deserve to be happy and dig myself deeper into the depths of depression.

So, if you know me on FB, keep me accountable.  I refuse to get depressed again. I have plans for my life and dreams that you can’t imagine. I just need to stay stable.

Michelle Lande Clark (My Facebook name)