Daily Archives: June 8, 2018

Another Solider: Anthony Bourdain

I am so so surprised.

What happened? Did he leave any note? Man, I remember watching him and wanting to be him. Wanting to live his life.

His life was just like mine.

Another Solider: Anthony Bourdain

I am so so surprised.

What happened? Did he leave any note? Man, I remember watching him and wanting to be him. Wanting to live his life.

His life was just like mine.

Mood-Stabilizers, Heat, Nausea, and Hormone Colored Glasses

Yeah, if you’re squeamish about ‘lady troubles’, bye bye. I know in this day and age where social media has made every tiny thing fit for discussion in a public forum, some are still uneasy with discussions about women’s health issues, mainly that monthly curse one. I discuss it not to be gross or whiney, but because it does negatively impact my mental health and that IS very relevant to the whole topic of this blog.

I am on day five of the monthly PDMM (premenstrual dysphoric disorder) and the physical pain is outdone only by the sheer confusion in my mind and emotions. Last month, I was the tear monster. This month, I am the rage monster. So much so, I self imposed blog abstinence yesterday out of fear that my emotionally charged state would offend people. Yeah, it’s that bad. It’s not ‘oh, another woman using her period as an excuse to be a man hating bitch’. This is life altering. I took my kid into town for a sleepover with my mom not because I felt like leaving the house, but because my BRAIN NEEDS A BREAK. From the constant yapping and questions and complaints (yeah, yeah, hypocrite much, Morgue?). In my current state, it’s the perfect storm for an ugly scene.

I need to run several errands. My kid had money her grandpa gave her and wanted to stop at a yard sale. I did none of these things. I was hurting, I was moody, I didn’t know whether to cry or spew venom at anyone and everyone. Mostly, I just wanted to return home to my safe space. (Slowly realizing that I leave the house rarely that my safe space can be in town or Armpit, it doesn’t really matter anymore.) What is so frustrating about the lack of ‘getting shit done’ is that at night, when the pain has subsided and I am growing flustered because the melatonin isn’t kicking in anymore…I think about everything I’m going to do ‘when I feel better tomorrow’. And tomorrow comes and I still feel lousy and get nothing done. Still just struggling with the ice cube trays and bathing thing (I bathed last night, yayness!).

In addition to disappointing my kid and her two dollars burning a hole in her pocket…I am left with stuff to do that hangs over my head like a dark cloud. But it hit 92 by noon today and I’d taken my meds, so even with the windows down, I started to sweat profusely and overheat and get nauseous and dizzy…The curse of mood stabilizers, a side effect the doctors just blow off because hey, it’s not their daily life, as long as it keeps us from going manic and them having to deal with us some more…Yeah, I really have the hormone tinted glasses on right now. I hate it, but hating it doesn’t change it. Nor do these stupid lady product commercials for tampons and such that say idiotic shit like ‘have a happy period!’ or “what does your period look like? That’s up to you! Let’s go bike riding and running and swimming!”

Utter bullshit for some of us. I liken it to the level of hormone agitation experienced while 7 months pregnant and unmedicated. And this is every damn month for 7-10 days.Add in the days for the curse itself and even without my pre-existing mental conditions…I get maybe 20 days a month without hormonal influence that cripples my existence. And make no mistake, when it’s so drastic a change in mental state you have to isolate yourself not just from other people but from writing…It’s bad.

Now I am cooling off but the nausea is lingering. And the doctors go on about how the meds work so well people think they are cured and stop taking them but honestly…more often for me, it’s been the heinous side effects. No one wants to play russian roulette 7 days a week with neausea. Lamictial is a hell of a lot better than the lithium, but getting overheated leads to the same side effect lottery. And so I spend most of my life in a perpetual state of frustration.

Is life all bad? No. There’s some beautiful stuff out there.

Is life all good? No. There’s some nasty, hateful, ugly stuff that stomps the beautiful stuff way too often.

Is my life any better or worse than anyone else’s thus giving me the right to bitch and moan so frequently? Absolutely not.

But I honestly believe because I do vent frequently instead of stuffing it all down, letting it simmer, compartmentalizing…My mental state is healthier than a large percentage of people.

Not saying much but I am less of a powder keg because I rant and vent even if it is taken as bitching and moaning. For me, it’s just the little steam vent on a teapot whistling to avoid catastrophe.

I’d call that a pretty healthy view, especially when your hormone tinted glasses are telling you to riot and rage hatefully against everything now and clean up the wreckage later.

I’d like to say I learned this coping mechanism from counseling but honestly, I learned it on my own from many years of burning bridges while in an altered emotional state.

People can change. Most just choose not to.

Anthony Bourdain dies at 61 in apparent suicide

I don’t know what to say, I’m stunned and devastated.


Award-winning chef, writer and television personality Anthony Bourdain has died in an apparent suicide. He was 61.

Bourdain was found dead on Friday morning in his room at a luxury hotel in the tiny village of Kaysersberg in the Alsace region of northeast France. He appeared to have hanged himself, according to Christian de Rocquigny du Fayel, the prosecutor of Colmar in Alsace region, southeast of Kaysersberg.

The exact cause of death is under investigation. The hotel where Bourdain was staying declined to comment Friday.

Bourdain was the host of “Anthony Bourdain: Parts Unknown,” which has aired on CNN since its premiere in 2013. The travel and food series, which features cuisines and stories from around the world, has won several Emmy Awards as well as a 2013 Peabody Award, according to CNN.

He leaves behind an 11-year-old daughter, Ariane Bourdain.

‘One of the great storytellers of our time’

CNN confirmed Bourdain’s death in a statement Friday.

“It is with extraordinary sadness we can confirm the death of our friend and colleague, Anthony Bourdain,” the network said. “His love of great adventure, new friends, fine food and drink and the remarkable stories of the world made him a unique storyteller. His talents never ceased to amaze us and we will miss him very much. Our thoughts and prayers are with his daughter and family at this incredibly difficult time.”

CNN reported that Bourdain was in France working on an upcoming episode for his hit series when close friend and French chef Eric Ripert found him unresponsive in his hotel room Friday morning.

“Anthony was a dear friend,” Ripert told ABC News in a statement Friday. “He was an exceptional human being, so inspiring and generous. One of the great storytellers of our time who connected with so many. I wish him peace. My love and prayers are with his family, friends and loved ones.” From running restaurants to hosting a hit series

Born in New York City and raised in Leonia, New Jersey, Bourdain went on to graduate from the Culinary Institute of America in 1978 and pursue a career in cooking.

In an interview with ABC News’ Rebecca Jarvis last year, Bourdain said that, when he was younger, he had a kind of “live hard, die young” attitude.

“It came as sort of a rude surprise to me when I turned 30 and I was still alive,” he said. “I didn’t really have a plan after that.” Bourdain ran a number of restaurant kitchens in New York City. But he gained fame with his acclaimed nonfiction book in 2000, “Kitchen Confidential: Adventures in the Culinary Underbelly.”

“Mine was not a particularly distinguished cooking career,” Bourdain told ABC News in the interview last year. “When ‘Kitchen Confidential’ was published, [it] was to my great surprise a success … I was determined not to screw this up.”

Bourdain authored several other nonfiction books on the culinary industry as well as accounts of his world-travel and food adventures. In 2011, he founded his own publishing line, Anthony Bourdain Books, at Ecco Press, a New York-based publishing imprint of HarperCollins.

“I’ve known Tony as an author and friend for many years,” Ecco president and publisher Daniel Halpern said in a statement Friday. “He not only revolutionized the memoir genre with his groundbreaking and iconic work, ‘Kitchen Confidential,’ he supported emerging voices and chefs with his imprint, Anthony Bourdain Books. His death is a great personal tragedy. Our thoughts are with his daughter and family at this difficult time.”

On CNN’s “Parts Unknown,” Bourdain delved into different cultures across the globe by talking and sharing meals with locals. U.S. President Barack Obama famously appeared on an episode in Vietnam in 2016, during his final months in office. Obama and Bourdain discussed Vietnamese-American relations, among other things, while dining on grilled pork, noodles and beer at a small family-run restaurant in Hanoi.

Previously, Bourdain had hosted a TV show called “A Cook’s Tour” on Food Network and then “Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations” as well as “The Layover” on the Travel Channel.

<img alt=”PHOTO: Anthony Bourdain poses with Italian actor and director Asia Argento for the Women In The World Summit in New York, April 12, 2018. (Brendan McDermid/Reuters, FILE)” src=”https://s.yimg.com/ny/api/res/1.2/xQEuz5XU6AvjUzcJ9nmIsw–/YXBwaWQ9aGlnaGxhbmRlcjt3PTY0MDtoPTM2MA–/https://s.abcnews.com/images/Entertainment/anthony-bourdain-asia-argento7-gty-ml-180608_hpMain_16x9_608.jpg&#8221; class=”caas-img”>

PHOTO: Anthony Bourdain poses with Italian actor and director Asia Argento for the Women In The World Summit in New York, April 12, 2018. (Brendan McDermid/Reuters, FILE)


‘Anthony gave all of himself in everything that he did’

In recent months, Bourdain garnered attention as an outspoken advocate of the #MeToo movement, with his vocal support of dozens of women — including his own girlfriend, Italian actress and director Asia Argento — who accused disgraced movie mogul Harvey Weinstein of sexual assault or misconduct.

“I’ve been seeing up close — due to a personal relationship — the difficulty of speaking out about these things, and the kind of vilification and humiliation and risk and pain and terror that come with speaking out about this kind of thing,” Bourdain told Slate magazine last October. “That certainly brought it home in a personal way that, to my discredit, it might not have before.”

Argento posted a statement on her official Twitter account, saying she’s “beyond devastated” to lose her “love,” “rock” and “protector.”

“Anthony gave all of himself in everything that he did. His brilliant, fearless spirit touched and inspired so many, and his generosity knew no bounds,” she said in the statement Friday. “He was my love, my rock, my protector. I am beyond devastated. My thoughts are with his family. I would ask that you respect their privacy and mine.”

During a 2015 interview with Wine Spectator, Bourdain was asked how he would like to be remembered.

“Maybe that I grew up a little,” he told the magazine. “That I’m a dad, that I’m not a half-bad cook, that I can make a good coq au vin. That would be nice. And not such a bad bastard after all.”

In a now-eerie interview with People magazine that was published last month, Bourdain said he’d rather “die in the saddle” than retire.

“I gave up on that. I’ve tried. I just think I’m just too nervous, neurotic, driven,” he told the magazine. “I would have had a different answer a few years ago. I might have deluded myself into thinking that I’d be happy in a hammock or gardening. But no, I’m quite sure I can’t. I’m going to pretty much die in the saddle.”

ABC News’ Kate Hodgson, Aaron Katersky and Paul Pradier contributed to this report.

Anyone in crisis, or who knows someone in crisis, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or contact the Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741-741.