I found a new music theme from Helen at “This Thing Called Life, One Word At A Time“. I thought I would give it a go, now that I am feeling stronger emotionally. The theme this week is “Seeing”. I picked “Give Me Your Eyes” by Brandon Heath because the lyrics are so powerful, and …
This fucking job search is going to be the end of me!! First off, I had a third technical interview for the Security job that I really, really wanted. I studied SO HARD for that fucker!! I had notes all over my bed. The interview went so-so I guess. Annnd the next day I got the dreaded form letter stating that I didn’t get the job.
I also heard from another job I interviewed for, a stupid Desktop Support job, that I didn’t get that either. Wave of relief, yet also a wave of “Oh my God WTF am I gonna DO?!?!”
It was really a pretty bad week, especially getting the news that I didn’t get the Security job. I really felt like giving up, like fuck looking for a job, I’m just going to go live with my parents and be mentally ill and not do anything. And I’m going to drink and smoke and get high and not do anything. Those were my initial thoughts. Then I flung my phone across the apartment in a fit of rage, and damned if that case lived up to its reputation, and the phone didn’t even get a crack!
I fought all my negative impulses, the strongest one being to go get drunk, and walked my ass to therapy. Whereupon I mostly sat there saying nothing. My therapist is not that skilled (she’s like a therapist-in-training) so there was a lot of silence. She tried to get me to say some positive shit I was going to do, but all I could think of was “I’m going to go home and lay on my bed.” That was my life plan to deal with the major disappointment. That’s as far as I got.
I walked home and crawled into bed and then this annoying recruiter started calling me. I made the mistake of answering, and he persuaded me to apply for his crappy Desktop Support job, and Presto! I was back on the horse. So then I went and found another Desktop Support job that I thought I should apply for, and applied for it. And then it was back to bed for some serious Twittering and Video Poker playing (no money involved).
So, here it is Sunday and I’m still majorly demoralized and discouraged. I am back to the job search but I have absolutely ZERO faith that anything is going to work out for me. I’m just going through the motions because that’s what a jobless person does. I felt like that Security job was my last good hope at not having to take a Desktop Support job. Yet I haven’t even gotten an offer of a Desktop Support job! So where does that leave me? Feeling pretty hopeless.
Part of me wants to apologize for such a draggy blog, but dammit this is my blog, my life, and it’s 100% real. This is Bipolar, this is a Bipolar person searching for a job after being away from work due to disability, this is the reality of how hard it is. So, no apologies.
I hope you are doing 100% better than me, I’d love to hear from you. Please don’t feel like you have to cheer me up, the reality is that life just sucks sometimes. Peaches!
New research from Western Sydney University has revealed that simple self-care strategies, such as spending time with animals and getting enough sleep, are helpful for people managing bipolar disorder symptoms. (https://medicalxpress.com/news/2018-02-pets-people-bipolar-disorder.html)
This is not exactly news, but the headline (“Sleep and time with pets help people living with bipolar disorder”) reflected my life so perfectly that I had to read on.
It turns out that the research involved only 80 subjects and was conducted by Edward Wynter, an honors student, who says he hopes “that knowledge of effective strategies can inspire proactive therapeutic engagement and empower people living with bipolar disorder to improve their health and wellbeing.”
And here’s the money quote:
This research reveals support for strategies already well known to professionals and people living with bipolar disorder, including those relating to quality and quantity of sleep, and drug and alcohol abstinence; but this study also highlights the effectiveness of several strategies yet to be explored such as spending time with pets and engaging in creative pursuits. (emphasis added)
Here’s some news, Mr. Wynter: Spending time with pets and engaging in creative pursuits are not “yet to be explored,” except perhaps by researchers. As he himself notes, professionals and people with bipolar disorder already know these concepts. I wonder what sort of grade this research gained him?
I’ve written about pets and creative pursuits myself. Service dogs for the mentally ill, for example (https://wp.me/p4e9Hv-nN):
Emotional Support Animals are dogs or cats (or, less commonly, other animals such as miniature horses or guinea pigs) that live with and provide comfort to a person with a psychiatric disorder, [t]ypically … one that qualifies as a disability under the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA).
And even everyday pets can help (https://wp.me/p4e9Hv-jS). As I said of my very first cat: “We needed each other. I needed someone to care about, to focus my attention outward on. She needed someone to draw her out of her shell, to care for and about her.”
And regarding creativity (https://wp.me/p4e9Hv-uT):
Coloring books and pages for adults have been the trend for a while now. (Some of them are really for adults.) Jenny Lawson draws and also puts together tiny little Ferris wheels. I know someone who can make little sculptures out of drink stirrers or paper clips. The point is … [j]ust keeping your brain and your hands occupied is a good idea.
As for sleep, we all know that proper rest is a good thing, even if we’re not always able to achieve it. And I’ve written about that too (https://wp.me/p4e9Hv-vk):
Whether you sleep too much or not enough, bipolar disorder may be the cause. There are treatments, some involving meds, and others not. Meditation, for example, helps many people sleep … It’s a thing to discuss with your psychiatrist and/or your psychotherapist.
If I, a non-professional, already know about these aspects of treatment for bipolar that don’t involve therapy or medication (though I’m not knocking either one), why is research covering this old ground? Surely even lowly grad students can think of better, more productive topics than this.
Quite amazing. I choose the right hemisphere to live in for most of my life. Oh peace would be miraculous!