Daily Archives: March 10, 2018

More Pain And Interviews Galore!

My, what a week it has been!  First off, let me say PRAISE THE LAWD that we are Springing Forward tonight!!!!!  I am such a light-dependent soul and having those long evenings just does me so much good!  So YEAH!!!!!  And now for some tidbits from my week . . .

I do firmly believe that I have a large rock lodged in my stomach.  The ultrasound said otherwise, in fact, the ultrasound said everything is normal.  Well, fuck the ultrasound because my stomach is still KILLING ME DEAD and I can barely eat and I’ve lost another three pounds because of it (yay) but no yay on the goddamn pain!  I almost missed one of my many interviews of the week due to being in pain, but it subsided just in time for me to answer the phone.  Tylenol in large doses seems to be the only thing that helps.  The doctor prescribed an Advil horse pill (800 mg) which HURTS MY STOMACH.  Are you seeing a theme here?

It’s hard to say how many interviews I have had in the last week.  For one job, a Desktop Support job that I really don’t want, the company is rated shit in Glassdoor, I’ve had three, and I have a fourth this coming Monday.  For another Desktop Support job that I might tolerate because it is close to me and I think it would be easier, I had one phone interview, and I’ll have an in-person interview next week.  I had a phone interview for a Security job (YAYYYYYY) this week and I’ll have a second, longer phone interview next week.  THAT job I am really interested in because I think it might be a work at home job which would be a DREAM!!!!!  Then there’s a fourth interview coming up for a Technical Support job for a Security company but that woman can’t get her shit together and get it scheduled.  So we’ll see.  I am hoping and praying and praying and hoping for the Security job.  If I have to take a Desktop Support job I’m going to be very upset.

The weather was beautiful this week, but I didn’t get to enjoy it because I was mostly laying on my bed holding my stomach.  Or taking a nap because I was up all night with a stomachache.  I have another doctor’s appointment on Wednesday but I might go to Urgent Care today.  I’m very worried that this damn stomach will make me miss an interview.

Somehow, my mood has help up through all this pain.  How?  I do not know.  I guess I’m on the right drugs.  I sincerely hope that you all had a better week than I did.  Please let me know, don’t be shy.  Just fill out that little Comment field below.  Have a GREAT weekend!!!  Peach out.

I Wasn’t Cut Out to Be a Cheerleader

After tumbling around for a couple of months in the worst my bipolarity can offer, I resolved to set aside all thought, expectation, plans and hope of moving.  It would happen in its own time (in months, maybe, or even a year), but until then I needed to reengage with my life instead of living with one foot out the door.  The stretch of that cheerleader’s pose had strained my brain into a constant trembling.  Mental-muscle exhaustion.

I could feel the eminence of a raging relapse on the horizon.  I had to do more than Wait.  So, I made appointments with my therapist, reinstated my Y membership, asked my cleaning lady to postpone her scheduled attack on my Moving Out Cleaning List.  I asked my friends on dates, opening doors that I’d almost closed.

Armed with a new Plan, I slid my foot back inside the door of my life as it is, not what it might become.  I slept a little better.  My capacity seemed a little deeper.

And, of course, yesterday my sister called to say the Move is On.  The tenant I’m replacing is being evicted, and the townhouse could be ready for me as soon as mid-April.

handmade cards, collage artHowever, my new-found footing kept me from spinning at this news.  I’m sorry for whatever reason this woman must be expelled from her home.  I send my heart out to her, hoping she can find a better home, hoping she has support and help to transplant her to a place that is loving and absent of fear.  I also refuse to take note of that “mid-April” business.  It’s just an invitation to more brain-splits, and I’m not having it.

Worried, my sister wanted to know how I was taking this news.  I said I’d just do the next thing (scan and email her all the documentation required), then eat supper.  And if it falls through, that’s fine, because I’m on terra firma.

As I was scanning and emailing last night, I checked my In Box to find a new message from Art Journaling Magazine.  My journal passed muster, and I’ve been invited to write a 700-800 word article about it.  As one of the artists featured in that (as yet unknown) issue, I’ll be part of a forum where we’re asked questions like: How did you get started in art journaling?  What’s your favorite way to fill empty spaces on a journal page? How would you describe your style?

I had to laugh.  If there’s anything I believe in, it’s synchronisity.  In finding my balance and feeling my agitation and anxiety abate, I became ready for The Next Thing.  And after all my years of struggling to be a published writer, it comes to me now on the wings of an art form I love more dearly than writing.

The Universe is a perverse and whimsical partner.  But, I’m much better at dancing with It than I am at cheerleading.

Nantucket Blues

img_5221Yes, feeling blue. Fighting it. Must start taking L-methyl folate, since I lack the enzyme (methylenetetrahydrofolate reductase MTHFR for short haha) which is necessary to convert it from folate. This will help my mood. I can’t take SSRI’s because they make me cycle too much. Going to start taking it immediately as well as vitamin D2 because my levels are abysmal and hope this down, dark, drab, dull, dreary, dismal, depressed mood goes away. Visiting worthlessness, meaninglessness, tiredness all of a sudden. Get blindsided every time. Fighting it though. And as always, I will win!