Daily Archives: February 20, 2018

Top 100 blogs for people with bipolar d/o.

Just found this list of top 100 blogs for people with bipolar disorder. Bipolar1blog is number 11 on the list!

Not only is this a pretty exhaustive list, but I am truly honored and happy to be on this list. Thank you so much to the compilers.

https://blog.feedspot.com/bipolar_disorder_blogs/

Blah

I feel rotten but don’t have the flu.  I went to the doctor and that is what they tested me for,  I’m tired, a little achy, and cold.  No congestion though.  So I am just suffering,  I have an antibiotic in case it’s bacterial so hopefully i will start to feel better before Birmingham dance competition.

Finished my ghost story for my class.  I feel like I spent too much time in exposition and not enough happens but I’ve hit the 1000-word limit.  I think it will continue it for my final project and make more happen–lengthen it out to the 2500 words for that.  I have some ideas for revision for a longer version so i am looking forward to keeping on working on it.

I think i am going back to bed.  My mother-in-law is picking up my youngest from school and taking her shopping as a late birthday present. so i have some extra time to rest this afternoon.  Hope everyone is having a better start to their week.

 

 

Reblog – Choosing to Prioritize Life

This is such beautiful and honest post on just how important it is to not only manage your illness but your life as well. I can certainly relate to much of what Julie shares, and I can learn from it as well. Lydia! For a long time, I’ve seen it as necessary to prioritize my …

Penny Positive #60

From An Optimist’s Calendar

I have bipolar and I am not violent

I had an opportunity to teach a group of school teachers about mental illness. After last weeks Florida school shooting I was prepared for questions about mental illness and violence. It’s beyond sad this is an ever occurring topic.

But what happens to those of us who live with a mental illness when the public, president and politicians point the finger quickly at mental illness as the sole explanation for the violence? It’s a complicated answer.

I’ve spent the past three years publicly talking about bipolar disorder, my psychotic episodes and the consequences of my untreated, under treated mental health condition. As confident as I am owning all of who I am, I get a little rattled and defensive when people say mental illness caused the shooting. I get upset being stigmatized into a small group, though disturbing number of people who commit horrendous crimes.

But something happened to me tonight as I taught the class and openly shared my experiences with bipolar disorder. I could talk about the fact more than 14 million people live with serious mental illness-and very few are violent. And I can also say that sometimes people with mental illness can be violent. Probably more impactful was the fact I was the “teacher” living with bipolar disorder, openly talking about it and saying, “I’m not crazy, whacko, looney, nuts, dangerous, or violent. I’m just a person with bipolar disorder who takes medication so I can live my life productively. For the most part, I’m just like everyone else.”

And as satisfying as it is to have an honest and open conversation about mental illness, most people aren’t as fortunate as me. Most people don’t have a platform where you can look people in the eye and tell them you have a mental illness and you aren’t violent. Even if they were terrified of me they were a captive audience there to of all things learn from me.

I have found there is no greater confidence builder than being open about my bipolar disorder. But I’m also realistic in knowing not everyone has the freedom in sharing that information.

Many people do believe those with mental illness are violent-end of story. That’s probably the same people who say, “It’s time to bring back mental institutions and lock me’ all up.” That was sadly an actual comment on Facebook to an article written about the Florida school shooting. I cringed when I read this…

Then, reality set in. We don’t even have enough funding for research or current mental health treatment, where are we going to find the funding to put over 14 million people in institutions that don’t exists. It’s just people scared and uniformed lashing out with what terrifies those of us with mental illness-the threat of being locked up against our will.

I digress…anyhow the point is all these comments people say about those with mental illness matter. It effects people. No one wants to be assumed as violent. Would you?

When you’re having a discussion about a mass shooting, perhaps we should consider all the facts and not try to simply blame mental illness as the only cause. There’s more to the story.

And by the way, most people with mental illness aren’t violent.

How Anxiety And Depression Put Your Life On Hold

I’ve often expressed to my doctors how saddened I am by how much of my daughter’s childhood I have missed due to crippling depression and anxiety. Mind you, I’ve been here for her every day since she was in utero. But over 8 years, I have experienced so many depressive bouts and skin crawling anxiety, I fear I have missed my chance to truly bond with her over fun outings. I’ve never taken her to the public pool or a movie (that crowd terror I have.) So many days I am just too low or wound too tightly or frozen with the inertia of it all…I’m not a very fun mom. And it breaks my heart and I really wish the professionals would GET that. None of them really do, though, to them it’s just an excuse or complaint to be taken with a grain of salt.

For me, it’s like seeing my kid’s loving childhood ‘I need mommy” years pass me by and I can never get them back. It is heartbreaking and frustrating. I try so very hard, even on my worst days, I at least try to make her laugh a few times with faked silliness. Before long she will hit double digits and become a tween and I will be little more than an embarrassment to her (as is normal for kids entering that age zone). To look back and see all that depression and anxiety have cost me…The doctors, therapists, and disability powers that be will never in a million years understand how devastating it is, how nothing can ever make up for it.

Today was day 4 with her home from school. We’ve been getting along pretty well. I can’t say I was fun mommy today because I was making calls left and right about finding a place to live and it was just door slam after door slam, either no pets, not available, twice the rent I pay here a third of the space. It’s disheartening, to say the least.

My dad extended a lovely offer. If I come live in his town in one of the properties his friend owns via section 8, they will let me drive their white SUV and put my old heap on auction. Now this sounds great, right???? WRONG. Being under their thumb is worse than dealing with R. It may come down to being imprisoned that way, but I am fighting it tooth and nail. Last person they loaned their vehicle to all they did was gripe about her running back and forth to town (25 miles round trip) and putting mileage on their vehicle. If she took it to go out on a date or to a bar with friends, that offended them, too. They are so controlling, it would be akin to being smothered and buried alive. I wish I were being dramatic. Even my sister said they are just trying to lure me there so they can basically take over my kid and turn her into a little redneck like them. I’ve seen them try so it’s not far fetched. It’s..last resort. Not to mention what those people can’t grasp is that section 8, even with a willing landlord with an open property, takes at least a month to go through, if not longer. I have less than 2 weeks!

My gums hurt from grinding my teeth with anxiety. I haven’t eaten a thing today, I have no appetite. When Spook asks, “Are you sure we’re not gonna be homeless, mommy?” it breaks my heart. No, we’re not gonna be homeless, though we might be better off if we were. One local agency will help with first month rent and deposit BUT you literally have to be living on the street, in your car, or in an emergency shelter for more than a month. HUH????? So to get my kid a home I have to let her have no home which puts me in danger of having her taken away from me. This system is insane.

Sleep doesn’t seem like it’s going to come easily. I am out of melatonin and I am sure as hell not taking any of the doc’s or doc nurse’s ‘sleeping pills’. Worse hangover than a vodka bender, I kid you not. And they make me sluggish the whole day after and bring my mood even lower. So how are their prescriptions any different from alcohol if both act as depressants?

Again. If you can donate or just reblog or pass on social media…Fundraiser is here.

If you need further proof how dire our circumstances are…this is my current bank balance.

And to add more stress, the yearly registration sticker for my car is do by March 31rst, another $105 I can’t come up with.

It’s hard for me to ask for help so believe me…we need it more than you know.