I don’t have a lot of memories from my early days in Saskatchewan. We left when I was seven. I remember I had several friends from my street and we often played on the big manmade “hill” at the end of the block. I also remember the winters when I went off to kindergarten and …
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The past few days have been a whirlwind of packing, but it all got done. So my middle daughter shipped out to her new home in Georgia today to start her job tomorrow. My husband went with her to unpack and he comes back tomorrow. i got up at 6:30 a.m. to see them off and tell her to be good and be safe. The house is very quiet without the two of them The other two are cleaning their rooms. WE have Elvis Presley gospel music going and are all caught up in what we are doing.
I talked to my department head yesterday and he said while he hopes I will get more students, he will let the class go on even if I don’t. So I may have only under ten students this semester. That will be different. But I do hope a few more show up.
My mood seems to be holding well so far. i am still getting over the sinus infection, but I feel tons better that I did this time last week. My oldest daughter leave for her last semester of college on Saturday so we will see how that goes. I am praying for her to line up a good job after graduation and see what her future brings. i have made it well except for the physical sickness this break and I think she enjoyed her last Christmas at home.
I start classes teaching on Monday and my fiction workshop on Tuesday so I am looking forward to all of that. I am expecting great things this semester from myself. I have so many things in circulation that something has to stick and publish this year. i can’t wait.
The new insurance company is giving us a hassle about the Rexulti I take and to pay for it out of pocket would be 900 dollars a month. This mixture of meds that my doc has me on is finally working, I don’t want to have to change it. I’m so pissed off right now. I’m down to 3 pills and I’m waiting for my shrink to get back to me about samples or getting the meds approved. I hate waiting and especially when things are this close to being out. I don’t know what the withdrawal symptoms will be but I know just going off a med it a bad idea. We’ve all done it.
Other than that stress my mood is pretty good. I haven’t been smoking any weed and just living each day. I haven’t quit I just wanted to make sure that I am getting the most of of my medications. In Feb I’ll start smoking again and see if that effects how my mood is. If it turns out to be a bad thing I’ll just quit. I mean I managed to make it through the holidays without weed or alcohol so I imagine I can do anything if I put my mind to it. Though there is nothing like smoking some weed putting on the headphones and just chilling. I tried it without the weed and it was still good but I enjoy it more with.
Anyhow that’s it for today!
Here’s what I learned during my brief stint at my last job. First, I am able to work. Just the question as to whether or not I could get up every morning and get to a job on time, and then last a whole day, was big in my mind. I hadn’t worked 40 hours a week in nearly four years, and I had major reservations. But, I got myself up at around 4am every day, had my “me” time every morning (this used to be my smoking and coffee time, but I quit smoking, so it turned into my coffee and contemplation time), and got in the car by 6:30 am to arrive there by 7:15 am. For someone who tends to run late, this was a big accomplishment.
The second thing I learned is that I have great focus and I love to work on a task to its completion. Any work I was given (there were a few days when I had work to do) I did with great pleasure and focus. Those days flew by. This is a comfort to me, because again I did not know what I might or might not be capable of in the workplace. It’s disappointing to me that the people at this job didn’t see fit to give me more to do, or see my capabilities. I think I took it personally, and felt that they didn’t see me as capable of doing anything (or much of anything) and that really pissed me off.
The third thing I learned, or learned once again, is that I have no tolerance for a dysfunctional workplace, and this was one hell of a dysfunctional workplace. I have no tolerance for bullshit, like me sitting and doing nothing, whilst simultaneously pretending to do something. I don’t know if this is a trait of someone with Bipolar Disorder, or if I am just a very impatient person with bullshit. I think it is probably the latter. But my bullshit-o-meter was tripped, and my patience ran thin after almost three months. All I can say is I’m glad the job was a short-term contract. I have a tinge of regret that I didn’t make it to the end of the contract, but my tolerance was just stretched to its limit.
I hope and pray that my next job is better for me, and that I can make a choice out of more than just need. I hope I have some options. Let’s face it, I wish I didn’t have to work at all, but since I do have to work, I hope I can find something that is good for me. Is that too much to ask???
Filed under: Bipolar
, Bipolar and Work
, Bipolar Disorder
, Mental Illness
, Psychology Shmyshmology
, Bipolar and Working
, Mental Health
, Mental Illness
Okay, I am not going to apologize for anything because that is part of my “Accountability” pledge to myself. I had a rough sleep, a long day and am still dealing with my cold/asthma/sinus fun stuff. However, the goal of these videos is to not do something just because I am not perfect. This is …
Continue reading “My First Vlog!”