Oh. My. GAWD!!!! This week, it was a battle every single fuckin’ day to go to work. Goddamn it I HATE it when life is like this!!! I don’t like to battle with myself!!! But the job is a shitshow. It’s more and more just sitting there and counting the hours until it’s time to leave. I’m trying to do things that are useful but gosh dang it’s hard to come up with ideas. This week, I created a virtual machine on my work computer and installed Kali Linux to it, in an effort to better learn Linux. I practiced setting up user accounts, some of them being userid goddamn/password damnity, userid fuckthisshit/password fuckity. I also created an Access database to record data from a spreadsheet they’re keeping that doesn’t have a proper one-to-one relationship. Then when I finished that, I expanded the database and started recording other stuff from the spreadsheet that needed a one-to-one relationship. They will eventually be going to a database solution and my database will help them import the data. And basically I’m coming up with busywork so I’m not just sitting on my ass watching the clock, which is MADDENING.
I am now down to four weeks left on this fucking job, and no job prospects in sight. I know I bitch and bitch about this job, but I need to keep collecting the damn paycheck and try to save some money since I don’t have another job lined up. If you are someone who prays, please pray that I find a good job in Security! It’s going to take a miracle!
Today I am going to get my nails done in a Christmas theme (YASSSSS!) and go to Mom’s and make sugar cookie dough, which we will refrigerate and then tomorrow Mom and I will make frosted sugar cookies. I think it will be fun. I like to go see Mom and Dad every weekend because I think they are too isolated with Dad not being totally well and Mom stuck at home with him. I think they like the company.
I can’t think about another week of work. It’s truly a one-day-at-a-time proposition. I am actually proud of myself for getting through the last week, because it was hard as hell to do and I did it. I don’t know if I can do four more weeks, maybe one day at a time I can. Maybe they will can me before the four weeks are up, I don’t know.
My mood is surprisingly ok (big surprise!!) on only 300 mg of Wellbutrin, I think the Abilify and Topamax are steadying me. Although! Yesterday at lunch I was listening to a story on NPR about these people who put on a big huge holiday party for kids and families living in homeless shelters and it was such a good story, it DID make me cry. I couldn’t help myself!! So I don’t know if I’m crying more easily or if that’s my normal level of tears. I’m pretty much a big baby anyway and I have a tender heart.
Still not smoking and I still want to!! I am chewing Nicorette right now! It will be three weeks tomorrow. I have stopped coughing at night so I am sleeping better. I think this is GREAT.
You know I love hearing from YOU and how YOU are so please let me know in the comments how your week was. Peach out and Happy Week Before Christmas and Happy Hanukkah!!
Filed under: Bipolar, Bipolar and Smoking, Bipolar and Work, Bipolar Disorder, Psychology, Psychology Shmyshmology Tagged: Bipolar, Blogging, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Psychology, Reader