This damn job is not working out. I have been sitting (AGAIN) with absolutely nothing to do for two days. It makes me feel like such an asshole!! It is anxiety-provoking on a couple of levels. First of all, it makes me feel incompetent, like they don’t have any confidence in me to give me anything to do. Second of all, I get scared that they don’t have anything for me to do, and that they’re going to get rid of me. For someone who gets paranoid in the workplace, this is a hazardous environment. Yesterday, I only lasted until about 2:30 pm, then I emailed the boss and said I was sick and left. I stayed home “sick” today – I just couldn’t take another day of sitting on my ass and doing nothing!! I know I’m not being wise – I’m not going to get paid for this time away. I just don’t have tolerance for this bullshit!!
Today I am going to look for a new job. There’s all this noise and chatter in my head about not having enough experience to find another job in Security, I am just going to ignore it and blindly apply for Security Analyst jobs. I can’t imagine that they’re going to keep me at the current job if I just sit there doing nothing. Fuck, I don’t know. I just need to be busy and productive!!! Anyway…
I know the holidays can be jam-packed with the feels for people, I hope you all have a good Thanksgiving. I will be with the whole fam-damily, we’ll see how it goes. Hopefully my Dad behaves and doesn’t act like an asshole. Yay! Holidays!! Hugs to you all.
Filed under: Bipolar, Bipolar and Anxiety, Bipolar and Stress, Bipolar and Work, Psychology, Psychology Shmyshmology Tagged: Bipolar, Blogging, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Psychology, Reader