Or Happy Sleep-In-Until-It’s-Light-Day!! Oh my, I had such lofty ambitions for what I was going to do last night, Friday night, and it all came down to dinner and BED! I am TIRED on Friday nights!! It may be psychological but I don’t know, it may be physical. Whatever it is, I end up going to bed almost as soon as I get home on Friday nights, and I sleep a solid twelve hours. And it feels so good!!! I usually wake up at my usual time (3:45 am) and go Hey! I don’t have to get up! Yayyyy!! and I go back to sleep. Honestly, it’s delicious. If there’s one thing working has given me, it’s an appreciation for the weekends.
I just made macaroni and cheese, you know, the homemade kind you bake in a pan with butter and milk and cheese and pasta? Oh and onion! It smells GOOD in my house. This afternoon there’s a big family get-together to celebrate some birthdays. My brother is in town from North Carolina along with his wife and three precious little boys, it will be great to see them. They call me Aunt Sassy. It will be great to see my family, but then I always do the compare/contrast between them and me and I feel like a great big fat whale and that is unpleasant. Most of my family is uber-fit and skinny and then there’s me. I do not like being so uncomfortable in my body. I think it’s a combination of my bipolar meds, and an overeating disorder that I have had pretty much my whole life which has now caught up to me in a big way. I can’t seem to find my way out of this great big body. My family loves me anyway, I wish I could practice self-love anyway.
The job has been…o.k. I did something this week that in theory was good but in actuality had a bad consequence and I had to hustle and undo what I had done. It was very stressful and I was so afraid that I was going to be asked not to come back. Alas, that did not happen. Thank God. Although part of me wanted to be released from the job, the daily grind, the daily commute, which is a bitch. But I really would have been up shit creek without a paddle. I have just managed to pay my parents half of what I owe them, one thousand dollars of the two thousand they lent me for two month’s rent when I was waiting for that fucking job to start. So I haven’t even managed to save any money yet, but I am on my way to getting my head above water. I MUST move out of this place by the time my lease is up at the end of May, it is a shitty place but I can’t dwell on it because I’m stuck here until then. I just need to focus on remaining continuously employed. This is daunting. Ok, it’s Saturday, I’m not going to think about it today. But in general, that needs to be my focus
Well y’all, I hope you had a great week. Please let me know. And ESPECIALLY let me know if you suffer with weight issues so I don’t feel so alone in my body prison, will ya? Thank you for reading and PEACH OUT!
Filed under: Bipolar, Bipolar and Work, Bipolar Disorder, Bipolar Fat, Psychology, Psychology Shmyshmology Tagged: Bipolar, Blogging, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Psychology, Reader