Daily Archives: November 13, 2017

I Didn’t Technically Lie to the Pastor’s Wife

Here’s the thing: I might be a little depressed. A little.

BUT I’M MOSTLY FINE.

I hate admitting I’m depressed, because then everyone freaks out and goes on high alert and treats me like some infant invalid. But I think I might be a little depressed. I finally admitted it to myself a few days ago when my husband suggested we rake leaves together. He definitely didn’t need the help raking leaves…he just knew he wasn’t going to get me to go for a walk, and he said some fresh air would be good for me.

Then I said, “Ugh. I don’t want to rake leaves. There are so many STEPS to raking leaves!”

“Steps?” He gave a confused glance to my FitBit.

I sighed. “Not those kind of steps. Think about it. In order to rake leaves, I would have to…step 1: get out of bed. Step 2: walk over to my closet and pick a sweater, because it’s cold. Step 3: Find some gloves. Who on earth knows where I might find gloves? Step 4: Walk downstairs. Step 5: Put on shoes. Step 6: Go outside and actually do raking of said leaves. There are so many steps.”

He smiled a strained smile and said, “Okay, yes, that’s a lot of steps. But I’ll be there with you for all of them! So….step one. How about you get out of bed?”

So I did. And I did all of the steps. And we raked leaves. But it shouldn’t have felt as monumental as our (ginormous) pile of leaves to be able to do those things.

I was supposed to lead a Bible study on Saturday, but I texted the pastor’s wife and asked if she could cover me because I “haven’t been feeling well.” WHICH WAS TOTALLY TRUE. Except I wasn’t puking or anything, so I felt really shady about bailing. I told my husband as much, and he said, “Aren’t we always saying that people need to regard mental illnesses as real illnesses? Then you need to regard it as a real illness too. If you’re not feeling well mentally, you’re not feeling well. It wasn’t lying.”

So I think it wasn’t lying.

(?)

But then I realized maybe I haven’t been doing so well, because one of the ladies in the church group was a little concerned about me. I didn’t show up to church last week, or our committee meeting on Tuesday, and then I bailed on the Bible study. She asked if I was okay.

Sure. Of course. I’m fine. Even though I missed all of those because I was in bed…

As I said, I think I might be a little depressed.

My focus is super off… I’m still showing up to work, but I’m making DUMB mistakes like forgetting about quizzes or completely blanking on things I should know. The other day I was reading answers to something and I read the answers to numbers 16…17…18… and then started back at 13. My students were all confused and asked why I just skipped back five problems. Oh, did I? I had no idea.

Arrrrghh!

So…..what do I do now? Wait for this to be over? It’s been about two weeks. It’s a lot of crying and sleeping. If I call my doctor she’ll make me take more or different meds. I HATE MEDS. And this will probably go away soon. As a matter of fact, I feel better today. Maybe I won’t take a nap when I get home.

MAYBE I’M MAGICALLY FINE NOW AND I WASN’T DEPRESSED AT ALL.

People who have been here before – holla at me. What do I do?

cat help


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Late

My youngest one’s bus showed up fifteen minutes late this morning so I had to break all the speed limits to get to class and was still five minutes late.  But we talked about Shelley and his poetry today and that was good, went well.

Got rejected this weekend from the fellowship I applied for.  So disappointed.  But I sent out new things to other places to make up for it, so that was a good bouncing back.  I will see what is going on with everything else I have outstanding hopefully after the new year.  I am really glad that I have been able to bounce back.  Bob noticed something was wrong after I got the rejection but I didn’t tell him about it.  He only wants to hear the good news 🙂

Mississippi State lost a heart breaker football game to Alabama this weekend.  We came SO CLOSE to beating them. We led or tied most of the game.  They finally went ahead at the end and we just didn’t have time to score again.

My mood is really holding up well with everything going on.  Going to be a busy few weeks until the end of the year.  We have a lot to do to get ready for Christmas and  not a  lot of time to do it in.  But at least I finish school a bit before my youngest does so I will have time to wrap and shop before she finishes classes.

 


Been away

I’ve been away from my blog. Was having a pretty rough time of it as usual upon the changing of the seasons. Increased meds. Feeling a bit better. Will be back soon with more. In the meantime, makin ‘ lemonade 🙂