Daily Archives: September 23, 2017

I’m in the Wrong Coffee Shop

I’m working on a craaaaaazy stressful revision project right now (Pitch Wars, for those of you familiar with the publishing Twittersphere). I always work at a coffee shop near my house – we’ll call it Fifth Shore. I love the coffee shop. It’s a hipster, let’s-compare-our-tattoos, the barista has purple hair and goes by the name “Mojo” kind of coffee shop. I’m pretty sure I could get a whole stack of Coexist stickers simply by raiding people’s backpacks. Also maybe drugs. Whichever.

Not that I want drugs. Also I have no tattoos (YET). Don’t ask me why I love the place so much. I think it’s a combination of the fact that I never run into anyone I know there, and seriously the people are so cool. I love talking to them. They’re totally different than me, and they’re mostly awesomer. I know awesomer isn’t a word, but I bet I could use it at Fifth Shore because anything goes.

The problem is that people are starting to discover Fifth Shore. It’s a little hole in the wall place, but now it’s getting popular. When I went in today, I literally couldn’t find a place to sit. I wanted to yell, “Excuse me, I was here before this was cool. All you bandwagon fans can leave now. No, not you, Man Bun. You can stay. You fit in. And you, with the leopard tail coming off the back of  your pants, you can stay too. But the rest of you – out!”

(Side note: there was really a guy with a leopard tail coming off the back of his pants. See why this place is so awesomer than other places??)

So now I’m across town at a different coffee shop. I almost went to – gasp – Starbucks, but I just couldn’t. It would have been the opposite vibe from my beloved Fifth Shore. I don’t want to listen to well-dressed baristas loudly mispronounce names to let the local richie riches know that their tall-double-lattee-no-whip-extra-pretentious is ready. No one there would have a leopard tail. How could I possibly get writing done in a place that reeks of financially and culturally successful humans?

(This is the part where my husband would say, “Hazel. You’ve got issues.”)

So now I’m at this new place, we’ll call it Coffee Avenue, and it’s okay. It’s a lot of hippie Millenials on their MacBookPros. The place markets itself as being all local, fresh, and organic. I have nothing against organic food, but this seems like overkill. The Wifi password is “Freshcrops.” Not joking. Someone just called from the counter, “Who ordered the tofu burrito?”

Tofu. Burrito.

They also charge a dollar more for tea, but I guess that’s because it’s so very local and fresh and organic. Unfortunately, they don’t have my right flavor (Mango Ceylon), so that threw me off too. I had to try a whole new tea. I got peach – what is this madness?

If you can’t tell, I get a little crazy about my routines. Now my groove is all off. I’m probably going to write junk. Don’t hit up my comments section with, “How dare you impune the hallowed name of Starbucks!?” or “Tofu burritos are the best thing ever!” I get it, okay? Everyone has their thing. There’s a coffee shop for all of us. If this post is offensive or otherwise crappy, it’s because MY COFFEE SHOP IS FULL AND HOW ON EARTH AM I SUPPOSED TO WRITE WITHOUT IT?!?!?!

I should forget the whole thing and go buy a leopard tail.



Trans People Too Often Harm Their Own. So Can We Talk About How to Do Better?

How many opportunities have we missed to make this community safer and more affirming because we were unwilling to make ourselves uncomfortable?


I had a very interesting experience today. Upon the recommendation of my new holistic general practitioner, Dr. Ballard, I made an appointment with Kimberly Ann May, a Havening practitioner.

Havening? I’d never heard of it before, but according to this resource I found just now https://freshinsightcoaching.com/what-is-havening/ “Havening Techniques ® are a radical new and evolving form of scientific therapy that helps permanently treat and heal traumas, anxiety and phobias as well as to create positive alterations in our brain. They are a type of psychosensory therapy, meaning applying a sensory touch to produce a response (electrochemical) that literally heals and positively alters our mind (psyche).”

Without really knowing much about it in advance, I made an appointment and went there today. I met Kimberly Ann, we talked about why I was there. Specifically the PTSD from the pretty horrific child abuse I had suffered at the hands of my mother from the age of 4 years old to 14 years old. As well as the fear and anxiety I felt in regard to my son, which I felt may be the result of my own difficult childhood.

She asked me on a scale of 1-10, how would I rate the fear and anxiety I felt in response to those black memories. I said I’d rate it a 5 at that moment.

Then she started doing the Havening techniques, basically closing my eyes while she lightly rubbed my arms, and then my hands, asked me to count from 1-10, then count backwards from 20 to 1. Also, she asked me to imagine a peaceful place like a forest and name the flowers I saw there (!) also to imagine myself at a beach, collecting 10 things.

During this whole part, I had my eyes closed. I kept seeing a vivid purple color in front of my eyes, swirling and changing shades from light to dark purple.

Then she asked how I felt in the dark room where the abuse had taken place and I said I was afraid. I actually saw the dark room in my mind’s eye where I had been mercilessly beaten at the age of 4.

While continuing the technique, she asked me if I could offer any more thoughts, and I said I was afraid then, but I don’t have to be afraid now. More thoughts, Well my mother did that to me but I know she did love me. And when I said that, the color in front of my eyes changed from purple to a turquoise and then a mint green. And I exclaimed to her “The color just changed from purple to a light green!”

And she said green is the color of the heart chakra! That I was in my heart now!

Now seriously, I know about chakras, but I had no recollection that the heart chakra was green!!

I was totally flabbergasted! Really? There really is some kind of energy, all that stuff they say in yoga, chakras, energetic healing, it was really true?

I’m a scientist, you see, and all that woo woo stuff sort of always left me really skeptical. But having experienced this, today, I’m still kind of flabbergasted.

After that she asked me what my fear/anxiety level was now and I said it was 3. It really had gone down, I felt almost free of the large amounts of fear and anxiety that I had been living with for months. I actually felt sort of elated and the fears and anxiety about my son were even diminished.

We had also done some eye movement in there. And I had also hummed a nursery rhyme as well as “Let it Go” (my choice) from Frozen.

How? Just by stroking my arms, and hands, talking, counting, humming, listing, how did that reduce my anxiety and leaveme feeling light and airy?

From my personal experience, there is definitely something to Havening! And I am going again next week for another appointment.

Kimberly also told me that this was the first time anyone had seen colors like I did, that no other client had ever reported it before.

By the way purple is the color of the third eye chakra and it signifies intuition. Purple is what I have always ever seen when I close my eyes. This is the first time I’ve ever seen green. So apparently I went from using my intuition to being in my heart! Pretty crazy and pretty amazing!

I’ll let y’all know about my next appointment and what happens in it.

Here are some resources if you’d like to read about Havening.