Daily Archives: September 16, 2017

Organizing in Scrivener #amwriting

Right now I’m writing in WordPress online. I write using whatever is handy — WordPress, Word, Google Docs, Pages on my iPad, emails to myself, even paper and journals (unfortunately, I cannot read my handwriting and I type faster). When…

Fucking Job!!!

Well in the ongoing saga entitled “Starting A Full-Time Job”, once again my Start Date has been put off.  I emailed the recruiter and the account manager Friday morning to ask them what time I was to report to work Monday morning, and I didn’t hear anything for hours . . . and hours . . . Finally, I got a call late Friday afternoon from the account manager stating that the fucking contract wasn’t fully signed, so I couldn’t start on Monday.  They’re hoping for Wednesday.  Hmmmm…..haven’t I heard this shit before???  Why yes, yes I have.  And frankly it’s getting a little old.  To say I was unhappy is kind of understating it.  I need to get this shit over with already!!!  And Jesus!  How long am I expected to go without a paycheck????

So I decided that these fuckers may be yanking my chain, despite their promises that I do indeed have a job.  I am going to start looking for a job again this weekend, as much as that idea turns my stomach.  I can’t just be a sitting duck, waiting indefinitely for this fucking thing to happen.  What if it never happens???  Anyhoo, I am disgusted with the situation and very frustrated.

Hope your weekend is going better than mine . . .


Filed under: Bipolar, Bipolar and Work, Bipolar Disorder, Mental Illness, Psychology, Psychology Shmyshmology Tagged: Bipolar, Blogging, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Psychology, Reader

We All Miss Her

A time has passed since Sweet Lucy Lou went from her heaven on Earth to that Rainbow Bridge in the sky, where she awaits her family in due time.  I haven’t written about it or even posted a short excerpt on Facebook because this feels like such a huge loss, and I didn’t want to trivialize it, and I didn’t want a bunch of FB “friends” extending their condolences that I didn’t feel up to accepting gracefully.

Truth be told, Lucy was my mom’s first standard poodle and she rescued her almost 11 years ago.  I grew up with Lucy, but she came to live with me about three years ago, when it was deemed that my flat house with no stairs would be better for her ailing hips and back.  LarBear and I have loved her to the moon and back and poured everything we have into making her happy over the latter years of her life,  And Lucy and Kizzie, they were quite a pair, always keeping each other company, keeping each other entertained, loving each other.

But as we all know, dogs generally have shorter lives than those of their humans.  Lucy actually lived about two to three years longer than she may have, and I would like to think it was because she was so well loved.  I remember clearly my last moments with Lucy, and the blessing my mother gave me when she took Lucy from my home so that they could visit the vet and Lucy could be pain-free and happy forever.  I never could have dealt with that and my mom knew that, and besides that, Lucy was her love, too.

I have been sad awhile now, not all to be put down on the loss of Lucy, and I have actually been quite in denial, just letting it smack me upside the head at the most inopportune times.  Like today.  Today was Kizie’s first car trip since Lucy left.  She hasn’t stopped looking for Lucy or keeping Larry and I in her signt since Lucy left, and that all came to a head today.  We drove her to the vet for an allergy shot, and she uncharacteristically whined the whole way and paced the seats.  Nothing would calm her.

After her shot, LarBear dropped me at the urgent care clinic to get a prescription for a sinus infection, among other things, and he said that she cried and cried when I got out out of the car and was cocmpletely inconsolable and stuck right to his heels the time he was home.  When I came home from the doctor’s office, Kizzie was just so happy to see me.  She turned into the puppy that I only see so often, and it was clear that she thought, too, that I had left her like Lucy.

And so it goes like this, and I am all heartbroken again.  Lucy was a good dog, the best kind of dog, with a sweet smile and a wagging tail always and the best disposition.  And she really loved popcorn.  And cheese.  I sit here typing this with Kizie at my feet, LarBear by my side, and I miss her.  I miss her and so does everyone else.  The only thing giving me peace is that she is waiting for us and is in pain no longer.

Rest in Peace Lucy Lou.  There is still a whole lot of love for you here in this world.

 

 


Filed under: Life Worth Living Tagged: dog, dog love, good girl, grief, grieving, loss, pet loss, pets, Rainbow Bridge