Daily Archives: September 11, 2017
One of the more curious aspects of my depression when it gets very deep and is sustained for awhile, is that I begin to feel very disconnected. I suppose you’ve heard that before, but allow me to explain further, maybe it isn’t quite what you think. You know those dreams that are so lifelike, so […]
ALl the media is filled with 9/11 tributes and Hurricane Irma updates, so I have tried to stay away from it all–I took a long nap this afternoon and am just now really waking up after taking my youngest one to dance. My church had a big prayer service for Irma victims and people who may be in its path in Florida. So we will see what happens.
I had a good class period today; we’re in Middle English so that will be fun for the week or so we are spending time on it. I want to go look up my college notes on Chaucer since I took a class on him, but all I’ve found so far is the text book, which is very heavy in my briefcase. I had a kid take pity on m e once I got to Jennings and opened the doors for me as I was juggling carrying it all this morning.
It’s a beautiful day out today–no chance of rain but a stiff breeze blowing that is nice and cool. I wish I had more to say today but I don’t. Everyone up and down the coastlines be safe as Hurricanes jose and Katia make their way through, too. Hope everyone has had a good start to their week.
You politely asked to step into my dream
Even took your shoes off
As a sign of respect
This is my domain
This is my subconscious
Enter at your own risk
The pendulum is often swinging
Of its own accord
Gingerly find your place
Within my fierce space
Sometimes I see the messiah
Sometimes I am him
I am my own monster
If you can dance in darkness
And in light
I welcome you to my dreamscape
Whoa. I always thought I had a book in me, and now, with this free time, it has begun to spill out. Right now I am writing an outline and reviewing my life, and honey, it ain’t pretty. The life of a Bipolar person isn’t all roses and sunshine, surprise, surprise. For me, it’s a story of semi-functioning, hyper-functioning, and not functioning at all. It’s painful to look at. There were many years of not being properly diagnosed and medicated when I just flailed about, making a mess of things. I know I worried my family terribly. I have to be able to look at my past, and say, “This is in the past”, and not beat up on myself for it, or get overwhelmed with past feelings. I fucked up so many things on such a grand scale! If you could get an award for fuck-ups, I would maybe win the Fuck-Up Olympics. Ok maybe that is grandiose. Maybe you have some spectacular fuck-ups in your past too. Well I hope it makes a good book. I’m thinking of calling it “All This Bullshit Has Happened And I’m Still Alive!” or maybe just something simple, like “How NOT To Live A Life”. I don’t know. We will see. I have some time. All I HAVE is time.
Anyhoo, Happy Monday to you. Hope it’s a good one. Peaches!
Filed under: Bipolar, Bipolar Disorder, Mental Illness, Psychology, Psychology Shmyshmology Tagged: Bipolar, Blogging, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Psychology, Reader