Daily Archives: September 1, 2017

Police State? #2


Take a look.

Guy is speeding on his motorcycle. Unidentified second dude appears, purposefully clutching semiautomatic pistol aimed at motorcycle rider, demanding this and that. No uniform, no badge.

Rider is terrified and pleading.

What I’m thinking: If the biker, knowing his life is in mortal danger, pulled his own weapon and shot the motherfucker who is threatening his life, would he be jailed for “cop killing?” He has absolutely zero indication that this is not some random thug. But this motorcyclist isn’t even the type who packs heat when he rides. He’s just, you know, some dude out for a ride, no threat to anyone but himself.

How about instead of issuing more weapons to the police, we take them away? I don’t see them making any difference in the violent crime rate, unless you consider the contributions made by police bullets against unarmed citizens.

Police State?

‘This is crazy,’ sobs Utah hospital nurse as cop roughs her up, arrests her for doing her job


If you think there’s something afoot…a pattern developing…you may be right.

Watch this clip. Then think carefully.

Just as the citizens of Texas knew the storm was coming, we see the gathering clouds of “law and order” organizing. The Rule of Law that we counted on for protection has shifted. Now the police are being provided with military weaponry…for what? Who is the “enemy” they plan to attack with rocket propelled grenades? You? Me? The nurse who commands the burn unit, whose job is to protect the helpless?

Stay alert. Stay nimble. And above all, be prepared. It’s going to be stormy out.

Marie Abanga’s Goodreads Review of “Birth of a New Brain”

My wonderful friend of over thirty years, Mike Freeman, created this beautiful image for my Facebook book page. Thank you, Mike! Birth of a New Brain Goodreads Review by lawyer/author/coach/speaker/ advocate/mom/blogger/poet and many more talents: Marie Abanga  It was difficult to pick just one photo of Marie – there are SO many stunning pics of this dynamo … Continue reading Marie Abanga’s Goodreads Review of “Birth of a New Brain”

Sun’s Out!

So the sun is finally out after a week straight of rain.  That is a good thing and something to hold on to  for my mood..

I’m doing better driving in for my classes–I actually got there a few minutes early and had time to catch my breath and arrange my lectern for class. We finished talking about Beowulf and talked a little bit about the upcoming test.  So that is taking shape in my head.

God reminded me this week that gluttony is a sin, talked about in the bible.  So I have been praying to resist the sin of gluttony.  I don’t know how well I’m doing, but I’m going to try.  I know I eat emotionally and it tends to be worse when I am bored with nothing I want to do.  So I hope I can fill up my days with good activities to be an emotional counterweight to the other kind.

Tomorrow we go see Mississippi State play football and I get to see my older girls.  That’s going to be a fun day.  I am looking forward to it.  Hopefully State will win and we will see what kind of season we are going to have.


Reblog – Sentenced to Death: When a New Pain is Dismissed Because of Your Chronic Illness

Originally posted on The Disabled Diva's Blog:
Sentenced to Death: When a New Pain is Dismissed Because of Your Chronic Illness By: Cynthia I’ve lost count of the number of times a new health issue has been dismissed by medical professionals.  They have blamed my chronic illnesses, weight, depression, and any alternative treatment that…

A Fall Poem

Poems written the end of the year

Solitude and forlorness

Aloneness and emptiness

Rain drizzling, overcast skies

Sitting here wondering where the year went by

Started with the Women’s March, so hopefully

Now the political climate is dismal

The actual climate is dismal

Heading towards Fall maybe I should call it Autumn

Just sadness and longing for the hopeful times, the beginnings

Raindrops become my teardrops


Yeah, okay, my humor is twisted but today…I am talking about a different kind of twisted. The anxiety induced kind.

My stomach is in pretzels and they’re doing this whole gymnastics routine that is both incovenient and painful. My brain is racing between “it’s not so bad” and “omg, the fucking sky IS falling.”

Good- social security approved my request for a new card. Yeah, it’s stupid to sweat something so basic but it’s what I do, I sweat the big stuff, little stuff, it’s called being high strung with a massive anxiety disorder.

Bad-still no child support. Now this perhaps makes me look like some money grubber but when you live hand to mouth, budgeting is crucial so if The Donor (hmm, giving him a title with capital letters seems too generous) has quit his job, switched jobs, become unemployed, gotten sick, or (please please) fled the country or died…I need to know. If I’m not getting child support, then my income status changes and I have to report it to public aid for the food stamps and healthcare thing. And if he has switched jobs that would render his old insurance on her useless and yeah, as the mom, I kinda need to know this shit. So it goes beyond simply “show me the money”. It’s logic. Unfortunately, I wasted an hour on the phone with two different departments of the state that handle the payments and enforcement and no one can tell me a damn thing except when the last payment was made. Which, duh, I know, cos I look at my debit card statements.

I suppose I could call where he is supposed to be working and ask for him, and if they say he’s no longer employed…But no, that causes more stomach acrobatics and panic and last time I called and did get him on the phone to simply inquire if his insurance covered her dental care…He was all rigid with that simpery but hate twinged voice making it clear I am a quasi stalker for calling his job. Which has happened once in what 9 years? But that’s his mentality, he ditches a woman, she can’t even try to bring his stuff to him or he reports her as a stalker. As if I care enough to flatter him or any other man for that matter.

There was more trailerhood drama last night. Found out two sex offender list dudes are living there and they favor small children. Like my paranoia wasn’t high enough. I am gonna have to put my kid in a Zorb ball til she’s flipping 18. Then S’s mom explained to me that S has ADHD, she’s on the autism spectrum, and she has an anxiety disorder so sometimes she goes off and says things she doesn’t mean…Hello, bipolar panic ridden chick here, I get it.

Unfortunately, Spook did not when S said something mean to her and came home bawling. I tried to explain it to her but she’s 8, she barely comprehends others have feelings except for herself so explaining mental disorders is like talking to a head of lettuce. Then I agreed to watch S while her mom ran out and I swear, I saw them at the patio table playing nicely and the next thing I know I’ve got this angry woman in my yard ranting at me that S tried to kick her daughter R and she witnessed herself. Like I am supposed to discipline another person’s child? I mean, I saw the girls went to the edge of the yard but I didn’t hear any bickering or crying or see any kicking. But if S was being honest and had missed a dose of meds, I could see her totally going off and kicking someone. So the angry mom (who is actually the girl’s aunt, like I should know this shit) tells me to have S’s mom come talk to her the minute she got home. Which meant me texting S’s mom and having to explain this all happened on my watch.

Got no reply. Guess my supervision will no longer be requested. Wasn’t my kid kicking people, though. Guess I gotta watch the 10 year old even more closely than my 8 year old. WTF, I don’t need all this drama.

Now I sit at the shop and can’t decide whether to risk getting lunch because I am hungry but my stomach is already so upset, good could make it worse. And with child support in the air and the car running funky and all the other expenses coming up…Keeping on R’s good side by helping here seems pretty damned wise. And besides…way that other outfit works him for a few weeks then doesn’t…Maybe I can stand being out of my safe space a few days a week. Hell, I managed almost 8 hours yesterday, including running errands after being gone all day. Normally I rush home to make sure the house hasn’t burned or been burgled or the cats haven’t gone nuts and eaten each other….Yesterday because of the child support not being there, I was all calculator brain and it seemed to save on gas and mileage on the car to just pay net and rent while already out rather than go home then have to run 6 miles one way, then 6 miles the other turning it into a 24 mile trip when doing it as I did made it only 11 miles.

My brain is hypo, I am all over the place rambling. Maybe I need a fundraiser so I can afford Focalin, it’s the only thing that keeps scumbag brain from ping ponging around in my skull those turning me into a rambling incoherent ass clown.

So, yeah, I am all twisted in knots today and actually, it’s pretty much been that way for the entire summer sans the blessed days she was grounded and he wasn’t telling me that I am fine. I WANT to be fine. But deep down I know that I am far from it. And it’s nobody’s fault really, it’s just the disorders I have that make coping with daily aggravations like noise and kid drama so stress inducing that it impacts me physically. Living with that is never going to make me fine.

But hey, I’ve survived 44 years,so…wing and a prayer.