Daily Archives: August 5, 2017

Where There Is Fire…

    I know the old saying is “where there is smoke there is fire”. But you know I love to play with my titles and in this case, my interpretation is more accurate. I live in Western Canada, between … Continue reading

Drama, Llama, Fiction, Perspective

Been in text communication all day with my sister about Spook’s bday shindig in Bumfuck tomorrow. It has created sooo bloody much drama, not just with me being mental and allegedly (erm) difficult…But all her friends and their kids want to attend even though not invited cos their kids are essentially teenagers over 100 pounds which a miniature pony cannot support safely..But by telling them that much, they all got pissed at her as if she was saying their kids were fat, when in fact, they’re older, much older, than my child and their weight would harm the mini pony…

Toss in more drama as her meth head friends B and J are homeless along with J’s elderly sickly mom and they have a sick dog they had to take to the pound out of mercy cos they couldn’t even pay for euthenasia and they are living at a motel but running out of money and about to be homeless so they are calling on any friends still speaking to them for assistance and housing..And J is hardcore Satanist so she refuses to approach any church affiliated assistance program and now her sick mother is actually in the hospital due to breathing problems…

SO FUCKING MUCH DRAMA!

Supposed to be about a damned party for a child turning 8 but because my sister is so popular with so many friends with spawns and they invite themselves it’s all become a damned drama AND I am supposed to feel so sorry for her meth head satanist friend…

Satanist J had her baby boy the SAME day I had Spook 8 years ago. He popped positive for drugs and was swept away by child protective hours after birth, I witnessed it from the doorway of my maternity room. They also had an older son previously removed from their custody because he was ‘difficult’ and they just turned him over to the state…But kept on buying computers and moving all around and driving about and using drugs which they obviously had ways of paying for (J had sex in exchange for drugs and B has stuck by her for over 12 years through it all). Honestly, they’re really shitty people, whether they mean to or not. It’s gone beyond shitty choices or bad luck. This is just who they are. She has stuck by her sick elderly mom but ditched both her sons without even an attempt, feeble or serious, to get them back.On what planet am I ever gonna say, oh, poor babies, having to choose meth over your kids, how awful for you.

By my estimation, the only victims worthy of empathy or sympathy here are those poor little boys and J’s elderly mom who, while blind to what a trainwreck her daughter is, is actually a very sweet woman. Being truthful though, the state taking those kids away was likely the best thing that could have happened to them. And that makes me more upset because goddamn it, if you choose to bring a child into the world, you either BE A PARENT or you do the right thing, AND LET A CHILDLESS COUPLE WHO WANT TO BE PARENTS ADOPT.

I am on my judgey soapbox but so much of my life was spent fearing or avoiding parenthood or being told my body wouldn’t serve its purpose so I was not gonna be a parent…Throwing away even the option of letting a child being given to a good home…Just…Ass trash.

Of course it’s all started drama with my dad’s side and I wasn’t given all facts by my sister who has a blindspot for her friend Bty and her bf and his 3 teen daughters, all who appparently want to attend even unvited. Spook adores Bty and even if I don’t, my kid is entitled to her opinion. My dad’s redneck brood being rude to her appalled me so I stepped up to defend and ask that they all merely be polite and keep their insulting opinions to themselves. THEN my dad tells me it’s not just Bty but the other 4 and the three teen girls have even had a padlock put on the refrigerator because they STEAL EVERYTHING EVEN FROM THEIR OWN FATHER. So dad and his woman are scared to have those brats in their house even to use the bathroom lest they steal the faucet fixtures and my sister is pissed they are being ‘that way’ thus my mom is outraged and me asking everyone to think of Spook cos it’s her day and just be civilized for her sake has them mad at me…

It sounds beyond ridiculous, right? As my adored friend Mr. Mumple has commented, we could be anything on line no matter what we claim (loosely paraphrased) but honestly…this is my reality. All this drama and contempt and anxiety…this is my family dynamic, the absolute norm. Because dad has a new family, mom and my sis have their family faction, and I am over here on my own with my child trying to make ends meet and stuck in all their bullshit and no gives a damn it’s for a child turning 8 years old…Nope. It’s all a damned cockswinging constest over who has more money, better belongings, better address, who doesn’t have a drug problem, who was or wasn’t invited…I can’t even keep up with right or wrong there because…

IF YOU WERE NOT PERSONALLY INVITED VOCALLY OR BY PAPER OR EMAIL INVITATION…SHUT THE FUCK UP! POLITE PEOPLE SIMPLY DO NOT INVITE THEMSELVES THEN GET PISSED OFF WHEN TOLD IT IS ‘FAMILY ONLY’. My sister tried to explain that to them but it did not good which makes her friends even more horrid than my dad and his crew. Rude is rude, period dot com.

So what was “I can do this, I am a badass,I love my kid this much” anxiety has become the weight of the world stress on me because now I’m at the center of orchestrating all this drama and trying not to let a scene start and I am not even gonna be in my own car and able to flee for the exit if shitstorm vesuvius erupts with all these factions.

I keep telling myself, not about me, for my daughter, I love her more than my own ability to draw breath…But in all honesty…with my mental minefield…Love for my child simply isn’t gonna prevent fireworks if a certain line is crossed. Like those thug teenage girls stealing from my dad and his or my idget half brother insulting Bty and setting off my sister or M’s son coming only to be told his 110 pound body will kill the pony if he rides it but he still insists on doing it or has a fit and of course his mom M will insist if the other kids get to, then he has to and it’s ok if the pony dies…

I liked it better before I had the golden grandchild thus putting me dead center in the family mine fields. And the weird thing is, NONE of them aside from me and my sister, are remotelty aware that this is more misery for everyone all around even if it’s being done in the name of Spook. They are just such cockweasels.

Maybe putting this post under bipolar was misleading but, anxiety is pretty much a staple with bipolar and right now I’ve got a monster hybrid going on that makes me want to crawl under a rock and hide. Earlier I told my sister she could tell dad and his clan that the Taliban captured me and Spook and were holding us prisoner just to escape this debacle.

I wasn’t joking, I was wishful thinking. Yeah, my family is worse than the Taliban. That ain’t drama, that is, as the show Daria first coined, Sick Sad World. My world and my kid has been sucked into it.