I keep watching crime shows where they talk about old murder cases and look through people’s diaries for clues. Do people do that anymore? I remember 15 or so years ago when I had a LiveJournal, it was almost like that. It was less public than a blog or something like Facebook. It just seems like people are using Twitter where you can only write 120 characters or posting photos on Facebook all the time, rather than writing entire sentences. And it’s always for public consumption, unlike a diary you had to hide under your bed so no one would read it.
I don’t know what my point is, but I think I had an easier time writing things down when I knew no one could read it. I was motivated to create a blog to discuss mental health issues, among other things, especially when I started reading other mental health-related blogs online and found that I could not relate to them at all. Everyone is at a difference place with their issues, everyone has different issues, but it seemed like all the ones I was reading were by people doing quite well and not struggling that much. I’m not minimizing what they are writing or their struggles, I mean that many of them seemed to be posting that their meds were working great, they were happy and doing better than in the past, and so on. And I was not at that same place, so I thought it could also be worthwhile for the sake of visibility of people not quite at the “everything is pretty great now” place.
I think I’ve been in such heavy denial of so many issues that I fear writing about them. Not just because it’s a public blog, but because then I would have to think about things and deal with things, rather than floating along in a state of apathy.