Daily Archives: May 29, 2017

Lucky Bamboo and Marigolds!

Here’s another post from the little notes I made while knee deep in move details. When the previous owners of our new condo moved out, they left some “presents” for us all over the place. While most of these were … Continue reading

Mirrors

There’s nothing like being brainsick over a holiday weekend to remind me of my demographic status.  I’ve struggled for several days with vicious, distorted thoughts, but holidays add more stress with regular support services closed, carefully constructed routines disrupted, and human support unavailable as they enjoy time with family and friends.  Long weekends are difficult, and I’m not the only one who feels it.

So far this weekend, emergency vehicles have visited my ten-unit complex five times.  That means half of the residents have been in such a state of crisis that their only option seemed to be 911.  And the day’s only half over.

To try to calm my own agitation, I went to our common room this morning to do laundry, sit in the quiet, and maybe journal. I found one of the window latches broken.  In the bathroom, the toilet seat was broken in half with feces on the floor.  I cleaned that last bit as best as I could, weeping at the level of distress that person must have felt.  Afterward, I emailed the apartment manager with the details, knowing she wouldn’t read it until tomorrow because it’s a holiday.

I’m fully aware of how lucky I am to be “high functioning,” to have friends I can text most anytime, to have a sister who would come to my aid if I needed it.  I don’t interact much with my neighbors, because some of them can’t follow a conversation.  Others are quite shy and introverted or belligerent and aggressive.  I keep to myself.

But I understand all of it.  I am all of it—at times introverted or belligerent, unable to translate my thoughts into words, unable to concentrate on what someone might be saying to me.  I understand being in crisis and feeling like there are no options.

I live in an apartment complex of mirrors.  It makes me more human to look into them from time to time.


Conversation

I had a conversation with one of the girls in the program yesterday afternoon. We were talking about a news event and I said that a story I had read for workshop that morning was on the very same kind of event and that was spooky,  Instead of really continuing that conversation, she turned it to my reading the other night.   She told me gently but firmly that she did not appreciate my reading the other night, she thought it was egregiously violent and did not like it at all that I had put it out there because, she said, that kind of thing stuck with her and she didn’t like opening her mind to it.  I said well, you wouldn’t like any of what we read this morning in workshop either.

So she asked why I liked to write about that kind of thing.  I said I didn’t like it and wished I could I could write about other things.  She asked why I couldn’t.  ANd we went around and around the topic never agreeing but never agreeing to disagree either.  Now I think she thinks badly of me for my writing such things.  😦

So I’m really going to get into conversations with my mentors about this topic and see if they can suggest ways I can change what I write or if I really need to, if there’s a market for what I do at all.   I wonder if we would even be having this conversation if I were a man.

 

 

 


[Mental Floss Mondays] Inspiration

Reblog – Home Sweet Home

Originally posted on My Medical Musings:
Life can hold  many wonderful adventures. Travel, work, days out, drives in the countryside, eating at wonderful restaurants and cafes, visits to family and friends. The list is endless. The opportunities to broaden your…

Spinning a Yarn About…Yarn!

Daily Prompt – Yarn I taught myself to crochet when I was 8 or 9. My Mom and others have tried to teach me knitting but I never got the hang of it. Crochet is second nature! I have made … Continue reading

Book Cover Revealed

COMING SOON!!!!!!!!!’