Daily Archives: April 29, 2017

Goats In Trees

Goats-in-trees

I’ve just had such a productive day, surprisingly, and I’ve already gotten my evening work done for Dr. Flaky, so I just thought I’d Google Image “goats” and then there were all these pictures of goats in trees so I Googled “goats in trees” and OH MY GOD there are so many pics!  Like people go to visit the goats in the trees!  I want to do this!!  Who wants to go to Morocco to see the goats in the trees??


Filed under: Bipolar Tagged: Bipolar, Bipolar Disorder, Blogging, Depression, Goats in Trees, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Psychology, Reader

Ten Things of Thankful: Blessings Beyond Measure

It has been such a long time since I have written a “Ten Things of Thankful” post.  I was a bit worried the group had broken up, but it makes my heart happy to find that the same core group exists, and they even have their own webpage now (which you can access by clicking the above link).

Someone once said that there are so many flowers at a funeral is because people have more regret and guilt in their hearts than gratitude.  I don’t believe that is true, but I do believe that people, in general, including myself, specifically, don’t always access their gratitude to the same degree that guilt and regret can be at the forefront of the mind.  To make things even more complex, there are some circumstances or people or events or states of being that people feel both regret or guilt for, yet are intensely thankful for this particular item in their life.

One of the often-mentioned “thing of thankfulness” is a person.  I know I am incredibly grateful for the different people in my life, but I also have great amounts of regret and guilt about how, perhaps, I have handled some of the situations I have found myself in with certain people.  It follows that my feelings towards some people are a mixed bag, just as my feelings toward certain events are mixed, are a sort of paradox.  How dialectical, right?  (Ok, Ms. DBT, we get it!)

In no particular order, I am currently, at this moment, crushingly grateful (and sometimes regretful of certain bits) for:

(ONE)

LarBear continues to be my daily rock.  Sometimes we disagree, sometimes we even have harsh words with each other, but we always come back together, stronger than ever.  We don’t ever let an argument or disagreement last very long, and we are both keen to point out to the other just how much we love each other, just how good we are together in so many ways, and how any negativity that might exist between us is always overcome by a sincere appreciation for the love and caring that we have for each other.  I had to kiss many frogs (toads, even) to meet my prince, and I don’t think my life would feel complete without him in it.

(TWO)

There are the obvious people in life that I am thankful for, namely those people making up my inner circle (when added to LarBear).  I have to say that I am happy with the relationship I have with QoB and Mikey Mike, moreso than ever before.  I feel like we all understand each other better than at any other moment in time, and also feel like I have been able (with some prodding) to step out more into my own life and not rely so heavily on them, but know that they are still available, and still right there.  My  dad is also a great support, and is often “the one” who gets selected to talk me off the ledge, if you will.  He can, at times, insert such compassion and common sense and reason into a conversation, that he can truly set my many anxieties aside.

(THREE)

My sister, Ab…wow, I am just so proud of her, for the great mom that she is, for the amazing things she has done with her life, for her accomplishments professionally and personally, but mostly I am proud of her because we have worked and worked at building a relationship and I feel like we are really getting there.  She is teaching me things about life that I never knew, never appreciated, and I would like to think that she is realizing the things that I have to give to the relationship that are of value.  I am very thankful for my network of online friends.  While there is only one or two people that I “speak” with on a regular basis, it seems that I can return to these relationships after months of being “gone” and things can be picked right back up.

(FOUR)

My mental health treatment team is pretty amazing, and I was lucky enough to be in touch with Goddess of Mindfulness lately, and that just made me realize how far I have come in so many different areas.

(FIVE)

I haven’t been in the crisis center or the hospital for just over one year now, with my last stay being in April of 2016.  There have been several times when nurses, therapists, family have wanted me to go, but I have (stubbornly) resisted and here I am, still standing and doing pretty darn well.

(SIX)

My jewelry is starting take off at the gallery, after nearly a year of it just kind of sitting there.  I am getting better at my craft, and taking more pleasure from it.  Like my original art therapist said, take pleasure in the process and everything else will fall into place.

(SEVEN)

I have managed to get into an exercise and nutritional plan that works for me.  There have been tweaks along the way, but I am seeing some success and I am staying away (for the most part) from any eating disordered behavior, and I haven’t been able to say that for ages.

(EIGHT)

I have found a new friend, and she has introduced me to a new church.  I am taking things slowly, but it feels good to be back in a church and I really am enjoying the people in this particular place.

(NINE)

Kizzie and Lucy continue to keep on keeping on, even though now they are considered to be something of “senior” dogs.  They still play and want snuggles and pets and pretty words and treats, and I plan to just keep enjoying every moment we have with them.

(TEN)

Last, but certainly not least…I have a new niece!  Miss Adelaide Louise was born to my sister and her husband earlier this month and she is sweeter than sweetness itself.  More to come about her and my nephew, Oscar, who is now THE big brother!


Filed under: Ten Things of Thankful Tagged: Family, gratitude, list, Ten Things of Thankful, thankful, thankful list

I PROTEST THIS DAY!

I PROTEST THIS SNOWY SUNDAY!!  It is April 29th and the weather should be gorgeous dammit!!  Yet here I sit in my little hovel of an apartment, staring out the window at the gnarly falling flakes, random crashing sounds coming from above (DAMN YOU NOISY UPSTAIRS NEIGHBOR), wondering where Spring went.  I should be studying right now, but I used up all my concentration on work this morning and now I’m feeling a bit fried.  Also, crabby due to the aforementioned random crashing noises coming from above.  Yet, how do you approach a damned noisy neighbor who you’ve called the cops on in the past because they wouldn’t answer their door when you knocked four times to complain about their damn noisy music that sounded like hammers pounding the wall??  It’s a level of social acuity that I can only aspire to, maybe in another life.  For now I will just cuss and randomly yell “What the HELL is that noise?” when I hear it.  I guess my existence has been reduced to being a crazy yelling lady.  Maybe the sun will shine tomorrow and I’ll get out and be more like a functioning human being tomorrow.  I have to tell you a secret, though:  I’m a hermit.  I basically spend time with myself and verrrry rarely see friends.  You know I spend time with family out of a sense of obligation but mostly I spend time to myself.  And I sit and wonder, is this normal?  I don’t know if I’m wildly Introverted, or if this is some unhealthy thing I’m doing, but I just don’t have it in me to “People” much.  I see other people on Facebook going to potlucks and dinner parties and rallies and what-have-you and I just shake my head in wonder.  Is this all my life is going to be?  Me?  Alone?  Maybe.  I read things that talk about how social isolation is not healthy for human beings, but I can’t seem to avoid it.  Am I the only one?  Surely not.  Tell me it’s not just me!  I hope to hear from you below.  Sincerely, a seriously introverted BipolarOnFire ❤ *CRASH*


Filed under: Bipolar, Bipolar Isolation, Psychology Shmyshmology Tagged: Bipolar, Bipolar Disorder, Blogging, Depression, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Psychology, Reader