Daily Archives: April 22, 2017

Anxiety

I have never really paid much attention to anxiety. I don’t know why. I guess for so many years I just didn’t even think about mental health. But when I didn’t have a choice but to face a major life change it seems that anxiety really takes hold of me and won’t let go. 

In a way I am thankful for the things that have happened. The panic attacks and the never ending rock stuck inside me. I mean I’ve been on my other meds for almost 3 years now. And I have been stable. So this feeling as it built to critical mass wasn’t something I really thought about. 

I went to see the PA at my doctors office. I basically said “I don’t care if I am comatose. I WILL NOT be the center of attention at my son’s graduation because I can’t control what is going on inside me. She asked a bunch of the normal questions. And I answered them. But I am extremely self aware, most of the time. When I finally figured out what was happening was anxiety. I realized something could be done about it. So, she prescribed me a new medication. It is not in the family of klonopin, and clonazapam. I don’t want to take those kinds of medications, unless it is a very last resort. 

So, I am happy to report that I think this medication is going to work. It’s a take as needed thing. I took one the first day and within 15 minutes I could feel that rock inside me starting to shift and leave. I am so so happy about this. I pray it keeps working and doesn’t cause me any problems. I was able to go to work and not let little things bother me that have been bothering me for weeks. To the point where I was carrying it with me all the time. 

I probably should have examined this more closely sooner. But I just honestly figured the meds I already take would cover that. Boy was I wrong. I’m still going to take some time off work. I need it and with graduation 3 weeks away I need to focus on celebrating my baby and the man he is becoming. Maybe after that I may try working a couple days a week or something. I don’t know. I do know I am so grateful for medications that help me be who I am. That allow the real me to come out without all the bad stuff all the time. Believe it or not I get tired of it too. All I want is to put it away because I know I’m the long run it really isn’t that important. 

I’m still exhausted but I am excited about what is to come. And I am so so excited to watch my baby graduate from high school. He’s earned it and I couldn’t possibly be more proud. 

As always, thanks for reading!!

And have a blessed day!!


Birthdays

Week three of thankfulness: I didn’t post one of these last week, and the reason is simple: it was my birthday last Saturday. I turned 32. Birthdays are never a good time for me. Some of you are aware that two years ago, on my 30th birthday, was my most recent attempt to commit suicide. […]