I’ve been brewing and stewing this post for a loooong time but a tv show episode just kind of nudged me to bring it to fruition.
NONE of us like labels, NONE of us want to be called disordered, dysfunctional, imbalanced, ie; crazy.
Fact is..mental illness (whether you like the term or not, it is what it is) does not care who you are. It does not care how smart, educated, or socially economically privileged you are. The brightest minds can fall victim to personality disorders, mood disorders, thought disorders. If you think no genetic link or an abundance of smarts and education and productivity protect you…
You are wrong.
Fact is, cruelly so, most of us with a chink in our mental health armor, are actually intelligent, creative, strong, stubborn, and not at all malleable.
So do NOT ever be like the mindless masses and assume mental illness/disorder is a synonym for “crazy”.
Our thoughts fire randomly. Perhaps we don’t make sense at times. Maybe our logic is askew and we make poor choices. Maybe we fail those who count on us and it is unintentional and after the fact, we loathe ourselves.
It is NOT the same as being a sociopath or psychopath. Most with a legit diganosis still feel guilt, we have a conscience, we hate ourselves and regret our behavior even when it is spilled milk. THAT is what separates us from those who are chemically balanced yet socially bankrupt. We actually do feel bad when our behavior is detrimental to ourselves and hurts others.
So…No matter your failures or shortcomings…You are not crazy.
Thinking that is just ignorant social programming and ignorance may be bliss for the sheeple…
But most of us have had enough counseling to know ignorance isn’t blissful and denial isn’t a good coping mechanism.
It’s okay to feel bad for poor behavior, to feel guilty for those you feel you have wronged because your neurons were misfiring…
It does not make us “crazy”. Nor does it make is beyond help, or beyond redemption. Like any physical illness, mental health issues should have some leeway. I’ve long said no one would expect you to place first in a long distances marathon with a broken leg…
So why are we held to the same standards as people without a brain chemistry issue working against us?
Maybe we all feel crazy at one time or another, or hell, in my case, at many times.
I never stop feeling bad for it. I may let myself move on, but it is never without a great weight over my head for I feel terrible when I hurt people, intentional or not.
We are not crazy, nor evil, nor beyond help.
The only ones advocating for us are ourselves and the mental health community who knows how we feel.
Never fall prey to a cruel society who lacks the intelligence to ever truly know what mental illness is like.
Be strong, be a survivor, kick ass when you can, retreat when you must…BUT DO NOT EVER ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE GUILTED INTO FEELING THE WAY THE IGNORANT SHEEPLE THINK YOU SHOULD FEEL.
We are stronger than that. We tangle daily with our own minds and still, we are not out killing people like the so called “sane”.
Rather than self hatred and exile…maybe we all deserve a spork of fortitude.
No. Not maybe.
We all DEFINITELY deserve a spork of fortitude.