Daily Archives: February 18, 2017

Status Report

I’m a bit bored today, so I thought I’d pass it along and give you all an update on how I’m doing.

I’m saddened by the loss of a good friend from church. He was my reading partner for two years, and he and Will were also friends as they were both battling cancer. This man didn’t have a mean bone in his body, and he had a lovely family. I feel so bad for his wife, who is at least a decade younger than I, because I know what she’s going through and there’s nothing I can do other than to be there for her if she wants me. It feels so weird to suddenly not be the newest widow on the block.

But I have yet to go through more “firsts”, and the next one is Will’s birthday on the 26th. I’ve decided to make it a day of celebration of his life, complete with chocolate cake. It’s for the same reason I asked everyone not to wear black at his funeral…he wouldn’t have wanted us to go around moping and looking somber.

I try hard not to be glum. Some days are better than others, and I make the most of them. On Valentine’s Day, Ethan and Clark took Shelley and me to the coast for the day, and I enjoyed that as much as I possibly could. Will loved the ocean as much as I do, and we used to walk on the beach and prowl the antique stores before stopping at the candy shop to pick up some saltwater taffy. Our kids wouldn’t let us come home without it. Of course I couldn’t help reminiscing about our happy times over there, and thankfully the rest of the family allowed it.

It’s not all gloom and doom, however. I think all I’ll need is a few days of sunshine and the appearance of daffodils and I’ll be in a better place. A LOT better. I can feel the faint stirrings of hypomania deep below the protective layer of medications, and it won’t take more than a breath of spring to bring it up to the surface. I think using my light for 45 minutes rather than 30 is making a difference. I don’t want to back off on it because I’m still slightly depressed, but if I start getting manic I hope I’ll have the wisdom to do so. (Historically, I haven’t been so good about that, as I love my hypo and miss it terribly. But it has a way of turning on me and progressing to mania, which must be avoided at all costs.) I guess Dr. Goodenough is right about cycling even when I’m not acutely ill.

Yes, you could say I’m a little mixed-up. Nothing to worry about, I’ve been here before and it’s nowhere near as ugly or confusing as the actual mixed episodes I’ve had in the past. When I’m sitting on the bathroom floor at 2 AM, scrubbing the tiles and bawling my head off, THAT’S when to worry.

It’s all good. How are you doing?


Found In Translation

Daily Prompt – Translate Languages have always fascinated me. Back when I was in grade four, we were the first school district in our area to start learning French. I continued to take it right through until my second year … Continue reading

Whatever to Say

Well, starting with the ‘I’m still here, I’m alive’ is probably a good place. It’s the truth. Mentally I’m doing quite fine, though I’m worried about that. I’m not worried so much because I have a bad time of the year, or think that something bad is going to happen, but because mental health services locally are getting jostled around. I *think* that it won’t out and out affect me, but it still has me concerned. Between the UK government and the local council, they keep trying to ship out or shut down all of our local hospital services, never mind that doing that would leave a gaping hole preventing people from having relatively easy access to the A&E, children’s A&E, maternity, and so on.

Physical has been the main bitch, one part of which I am pretty sure Depakote is responsible for. My glasses broke, requiring me to default to glasses from four years ago, which meant we finally got off of our backsides and booked in for our slightly overdue eye tests. Oddly enough, my eyes got *better* on Depakote, which made the glasses I had too strong. When I was talking to the optometrist about it, I think that I can probably the fairly regular headaches on that. I know they’ve been even worse-er-er since having to use the old glasses. At least the new ones will be ready on Monday, so hopefully I can see that go past.

There’s also all the crap that hasn’t been fixed, and has probably been worsened by getting that Mirena IUD a few years back. My chronic fatigue is worse, my periods got weirder, my weight keeps going up… not that I mind being a fat girl, but I can’t do anything about it without risking my mental health. tl;dr trying to moderate that triggers some really severe fixating OCD and I end up fucking up allllll the layers of my health. It’s not worth it for something that has an almost guaranteed chance of failing in both the long and the short run (not to diss on those who prioritise this — we all live our lives as we see fit). So we’re going to book in to see about getting that sorted, and getting the husband’s vasectomy sorted out. That was always in the cards IUD or not. I just want to have a freaking physical quality of life. I don’t think that’s too unreasonable. ><

But yeah, use that as a sign as to how solid my mental is. Even feeling worn down and foggy and achy and miserable in those regards, I feel sane and happy for the most part. There’s a few people in my limited social group that are rubbing against me and triggering some anxiety, but  I can almost take it on the chin. Family things are great — my parents are still out of my life (3 years and counting!), while my family here is all good. I’m still happily engaged in my hobbies (if not blogging about them quite as much as I mean to!), and doing a better job of keeping my daily blogging efforts going. Yeah, maybe I shouldn’t’ve split my blogging efforts so many ways, but it made sense at some point in the past. *chuckles*

Anyways, yo. Maybe some day I’ll feel spoony enough to get caught up on things like the network, and figuring out why some of the blogs aren’t percolating through. For now, dord.

<3

Ultradian cycling bipolar

A good day is often followed by a bad day, but a bad day is rarely followed by a good one.

buddha


Daily Prompt – “Juicy”

Well, I decided to try this out two days in a row! And since my story involves a food item, I guess it could count as my Foodie Friday. Anyway, you can join the fun at The Daily Post. This … Continue reading