2017

new-year

So we are on the last blog of the year. It’s really hard to believe.

I’ve had worse years than 2016. No one I knew personally passed and I wasn’t in the hospital. I didn’t get myself in any trouble with manic behavior.

But I have to be honest. I didn’t exactly live life to the fullest. I did live life and I was good to people and they were good to me, but I didn’t make a huge difference in the world. I missed a lot of things I should not have missed. I was undependable when I should have been there. And I wasn’t faithful to taking care of myself.

I have hope that 2017 will be better. I have hope that I will get some more weight off and that I will keep exercising and even increase what I am doing. I have hope that all of my doctors will be able to keep me healthy and sane. I have hope that I will be able to be kind to others. I have great hope that I will have some new positive adventures.

But I am old enough to know that the years blur into each other and you just do what you can. Focusing on being a good enough mom, friend, wife, and person will have to do. Kindness is really the most important thing to me. The rest is fluff.

Wed:

A good day! Woke up and felt very positive. Plan on going to a movie this morning: “La La Land”. Going to do some errands then and give my aunt in Ohio a call. Should be plenty of time to get a little rest in there. No yoga this week…teacher is on vacation.

Update:

The movie was good but moved sort of slow in the beginning. Did do the errands and called my aunt. She’s doing fine. Feeling very normal and good today.

Hesitant to go on the lithium. It just sounds like more meds. I’d actually like to decrease my meds over this next year.

Thurs:

Feeling good today…no depression. Slight headache but nothing major. Absolutely NOTHING planned to do today. Looking forward to that.

Husband is going out for the day with two of his guy friends. They’re going to coin shops, rock shops, and probably Goodwill. They’ll have lunch in there somewhere. Just sort of a bum around day. My goal is to NOT call or text him when he is gone. I want to spend the whole day alone without needing to contact or bother him. If he contacts me, I’ll answer, but I want to live my life today without leaning on him. Let’s see if I can do it.

Fri:

Well, I did it yesterday. I didn’t call my husband once while he was gone. This was a great habit to break when he is out with his friends. I CAN be alone for a few hours and survive just fine.

Not much planned for today: a CBT therapist appointment at 4.

I feel good enough that I am embarking on a “freshening up” of our bedroom. New comforter and rugs and things for the walls. Lots of decluttering. I also want to change the fabric out on a bench by the bed. I used to do this stuff all the time…we will see how far I get.

New Year’s Eve:

Planning to grill steaks for dinner to celebrate. That and maybe a cheap bottle of champagne will be it.

Want to take a walk today, start taking down some Christmas stuff, and do a bit of ironing.

Irritated with Danny today (what else is new?).

No depression…just a slight headache.

Update:

Hit some hard depression in the evening. Did have steaks, mashed potatoes, and green beans for a nice dinner. Then we went for a walk with my daughter.

My boys are out driving to friends’ houses tonight and that makes me nervous with potential drunks on the road.

Got the ornaments down off the Christmas tree and put some stuff away. Hope to finish it all tomorrow. Need a shower to go to church tomorrow…not sure I will make it.

It’s only 6:45 pm here and I’m ready to go to sleep. No way will I make it till midnight.

New Year’s Day:

Had a few small victories. Even though I was feeling a little down, I took a walk last night. I sure didn’t feel like it, but I got a shower last night so I could go to church this morning. And even though it was pouring rain, we went to church. I came home and put a roast in the crock pot.

Today we’re going to work on getting all the decorations put away. My husband is really working on this, so maybe I can be lazy. I also need to iron a little.

I sure feel tired. I hope it’s not early depression. But hey, have been here before. I can make it.

Update:

Got a little worried about Danny as he didn’t show up till 4 pm. So it had been like 24 hours since we heard from him. His phone was dead, of course. Really irritating. I gave him a card to  put in his wallet with all of our numbers on it, so if his phone died he could borrow someone’s and call us.

Got the big majority of Christmas down. Need to work a bit tomorrow. Need to iron a little today.

Mon:

Well, today involves getting the giant ladder out and taking down the big tree and stuff from a  high shelf we decorate. Then we are DONE! Hooray!

I feeling a bit weird. Am not depressed but am not thrilled or ambitious. I wish I had a touch of “slightly elevated”.

No giant plans today. Plan some ham with brown sugar and veggies for dinner.

I woke up at 6, did my meditation, and went back to sleep. Thinking about taking a walk a bit later.

Tomorrow we are going to the zoo! I haven’t been in years. At a minimum, it will be some good exercise to walk around.

Update:

Got my feelings sort of hurt today. My daughter asked if I would be able to walk around at the zoo. She is right…I haven’t done a lot of walking and am a little weak, but it still hurt my feelings. I don’t think she meant to hurt me, I think she was being honest. But I figure they must have benches and I can always sit down and have the rest of the group meet me back at the bench in an hour or so. I’m only 57, but I figure they must have had seniors and special needs persons at the zoo before. I’m pretty sure I can manage.

May your 2017 be especially healthy!

lily

 

 

 

 

 

 

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