Commercial Holiday Time

img_0532Wed:

Gee, the stores are opening earlier and earlier around here. I still am hanging on to my motto of doing most shopping online.

Today is the day before Thanksgiving. I have the table set with the tablecloth and little made up centerpiece I did. I plan on getting my daughter to set the china and all on that.

We are just having a big turkey breast and not a turkey for dinner. There are only the five of us and one of my girlfriends. She has bipolar and is on lithium, so she gets it. For all the side dishes, we ordered them from a nice restaurant near here. We got our pies and rolls from Costco and even some sweet rolls for the morning.

My husband wanted to use the china, so I am going to make him wash it while my girlfriend and I go for a walk.

Today is a low day. I don’t feel depressed, but am leaning on that Klonopin.

Got the mammogram back and it was fine. I can’t tell you how terrified I was over a routine test. It is out of hand. I need more help with the CBT.

So today I am not doing much but taking it easy.

So are you impressed with the gift wrap job on the above packages? My friend Arlene came and helped me with my shaky hands. They are for my husband’s Christmas work party. It’s kind of a competition to get people to pick your gifts first and I think the wrapping makes a difference. So I think we did a gorgeous job.

Thurs:

Well, it’s Thanksgiving and I’m awake pretty early. I found out that Danny has to work at the theater today so he will miss Thanksgiving dinner. It’s okay…he’s a vegetarian and likes to remind everyone of that fact, so we’ll be spared that joy. He’s working every day this weekend and I am thrilled. He’ll stay busy, get tired, and earn some money. Sounds good to me.

I am ready for dinner today, so I made a little list of things to do this morning: one load of laundry, the catbox!, some ironing, a shower, and listening to my audio book. I hope to putter around and get these little things done.

I feel better right this second than I have been feeling but that can change at any second. Ick!

Doubt I will run out to any Black Friday sales. Oops, that isn’t true. My friend who works at a department store asked me to come visit her for a few minutes. It’ll be good for me to get out. I’m more of a Cyber Monday type person.

Okay, well am going to rest a while and then start on my little chore list.

Update:

Well,  a couple of hours have passed and I am crying. Took another Klonopin and am trying to stay calm. Main pressure is to get a shower. Everything else is under control.

Stopped crying and got the shower. Husband is sure this is meds swinging around. I think it is also just the tough emotions of the holidays. Like many of you, my holidays were hellish. Lots of drunks and fighting. Even after thirty years of nice holidays, I still don’t like them. Some things you never forget.

We got everything heated up and I have to say the food was delicious. My husband washed dishes while my friend and I went for a walk. I didn’t sleep too well with my overfull stomach.

Black Fri:

Just don’t have much too much to shop for so plan on staying in. Husband is furiously organizing all the Christmas bins from the storage shed. It looks like we have two decent days, then some cold and rain. He wants to get it all set up before that starts.

If it were up to me…I might just skip the tree and do a few holiday items. But I still have three kids at home and friends coming over here and there and I need to get off my butt.

I AM TAKING THIS ALL ONE DAY AT A TIME!!!!!

Feel better today but tired. I am always tired unless I am excited about something. But that doesn’t happen too often.

Did I tell you I called a new CBT therapist? I haven’t received a call back, but it is the holiday. Anyway, I am sick of my current one. I am still terrified of driving and riding, and of health issues. My current therapist basically tells me to exercise and gives me homework (papers) to fill out. I do all this faithfully, but don’t seem to get better. My current therapist is also unhelpful and snooty about the $18 we owe her after Medicare, even though I write her a check every time. So we will see.

My regular therapist is still very good and helpful so that is something.

Sat:

I feel okay today…it’s only 6:30 so there’s plenty of time to change. I don’t feel happy or sad…more flat.

We got the tree up yesterday but not decorated. We also got the banisters decorated and some of the other stuff up. Today will be mostly the tree. I just don’t feel like doing any of this, but my husband says we have to. He is trying to limp along and keep everything going. It will all get done…I am trying not to worry. We have tomorrow to finish up and even next week if we get desperate.

Update:

Well, it’s ten till eleven and we have all of the Christmas boxes empty. My daughter decorated the den and it looks nice. We haven’t touched the tree other than it is set up. I figure maybe I can work on that today and tomorrow.

I should go to church tomorrow. I haven’t been in a while. It is the last Sunday for this guy who was very active at church. We got him a nice card and I know my husband would go alone. The way I feel right now I’m not going but maybe things will change. But who am I kidding? I need a shower in order to go.

Sun:

So it’s Sunday and I made good progress yesterday. We got everything decorated, even the tree, which is the hard part. We still need to clean up some, but it is manageable.

It really helped to stop taking the Klonopin. I sort of woke up and was able to help. I also made dinner so I was pretty proud of myself. I got a shower so I am ready for church if I decide to go.

I am at that age where I am feeling like we need to “scale back” and do very simple Christmas decorations. But my husband says “no”, we are fine. We might just need to take it a little slower and not do it all in a couple of days.

I am scheduled to go see a movie with a friend tomorrow morning. I like doing that if I feel well as it is relaxing. I also want to go to yoga and go to my women’s group. That’s a lot for one day for me.

Update: DID make it to church, even though I have a headache. Danny took the opportunity this morning to be rude. He’s been doing so well, so I hope this is a blip. Just tired again today. Did get the living room cleaned up from decorating.

Mon:

It’s only five but I am wide awake. Everyone was in a bad mood around here last night but everyone sort of made up so it worked out. Dinner was good and I did fine except for a mild headache.

Today I feel pretty decent. I’m going to  just focus right now on getting to that movie with my friend. We are going to see “Rules Don’t Apply” about Howard Hughes.

Have I told you that I use an app called “Moodtracker”? You should see mine: pink is a spike up and blue is a spike down. Mine is crazy colored with up and down. I’m not rapid cycling, but I am going up and down around baseline. I just keep praying (literally) for “no depression today”. Just baseline and slightly elevated is my goal.

Update: Made it to the movie and made it to yoga. Missed my women’s group. Too dark to drive alone and it was really cold.

many hugs-

lily

 

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