So…with my issues, multi tasking is not something I am good at. Well, except with computers. On here, I can be chat, two email accounts, doing crap for texting chihuahua, watching a show, look up info…I don’t know why my brain is able to handle all of this at once.
Yet…Four days of constant dish activity interacting with 3 dimensional people and running here, there, yonder…I am wiped and feel like I can’t possibly give more. R gave me a few days’ peace (mainly cos wifey was home) but now he’s nipping at my ankles with texts concerning stuff I’m supposed to do for his customers. An invoice typed up, a couple of emails, nothing major. But truthfully…
I dropped the ball. I was supposed to do all that days ago and just…couldn’t be arsed when I actually remembered I needed to do the stuff. Now I am scrambling to get it done, keep the peace with him, and not feel like a loser.
But wait, there’s MORE!
My kid missed her dentist appt yesterday cos her jackass mom wrote the wrong date on the calendar and thought it was today. I can’t even get dates right!
This “dropping the ball” thing, so common for depression and especially seasonal depression, erodes what little self esteem I have. I am trying so hard here and still failing. And the last five days the weather has been gorgeous so I can’t even blame my epic fails on that.
Cookout at mom’s Sunday, 20 plus people, last 3 and a half hours then was ready to come home and yank out clumps of hair. Trunk or treat at the church Sunday and an hour putting on zombie make up and removing it. Repeat on Monday, my entire body and mind a boulder pushing uphill, not wanting to do a thing.
I did finally shower yesterday for the first time in…um, I don’t remember. I did my mountain of dishes, even if it took five hours cos I kept getting distracted or forgetting.
I’m tapped out. And I feel shitty for feeling tapped out cos, like R says, I don’t work, what do I have to be exhausted by.
And that is where humanity commits the epic fail. Mental illness is as draining as any physical illness. If I were physically ill, I’d be encouraged to rest, nap, take it easy. But because my illness is in my mind..I should suck it up, get up and moving, push past it.
What an utter crock.
On a less humanity sucks note…I’d like to thank a certain generous soul who sent me something greatly needed and appreciated.
And also…I want to promote the wondermous Mermaid Blanket I was also gifted with. This thing is amazing.
Get one if you run cold like I do. Even on a not cold day, there is something so very comforting about this blanket.