Have you ever just stopped and wondered if all of this mental health stuff is real?? Now before I start, I go to the doctor, I take my meds, this is just a frustration day.
The last couple of days I have felt really down. I am seeing slights coming my way from just about every situation I am in. I am sleeping more, and wanting to sleep when I’m up. I know it isn’t good, and I know I should probably find the energy to make a change. But the truth is, I don’t want to. I am tired. I am so so tired. This time of year is crazy for my kids and by default me. And I have found that external sources of busyness are the hardest for me. I have been doing pretty good. My mind has been right and I have been trying to hang on to this year with my heart and eyes wide open. But I’m tired. I am finding it hard to keep taking mess that only seem to work for a little while. I often think all my meds do is make me aware of my broken brain and emotion sensors. Sometimes I think that maybe “those people” are right and this is just a giant excuse. Except I still have a job, and take care of my kids and husband. I still clean my house and try to take care of myself. Doesn’t seem like the “excuse” is working very well for me. I still face everyday wondering if I am doing the best I can and making a difference at all. Do I even deserve to make a difference?
Mostly, I just wonder why I take meds if I constantly have to have them changed or they only work for so long. I don’t know. Hopefully it’s just a bad day/week. Mostly I just hope that the rest of my life seems a little easier.