Cannot believe this is the beginning of September. I am trying hard to live my life one day at a time and to get something out of each day. But the days just fly by.
Am home from our vacation and am exhausted as is usual. I always have a hard time right after we get home. Takes a day or so to get my mind back in shape.
Am supposed to go out with a friend for lunch. I made the mistake of scheduling this for today. It’s too soon after our trip. Don’t want to cancel, but not sure. I don’t know why I put pressure on myself. I need to be kinder to myself. If there is one thing I’d say about bipolar….we don’t need any outside criticism…we do it ourselves.
I’m darn right pissed at myself about exercising. I took two good walks on our vacation, but have not been to the gym or to yoga for weeks. Really disappointing.
Still have a bit of nausea this morning, but am doing better than yesterday. I have been having a few plain crackers on occasion and that helps. According to my home scale, I am losing weight, so I think the crackers are fine. I find just having bits of food really helps get me through this diet. I weigh in tomorrow. I hope I have lost at least a little. It is hard to be on vacation and diet. I found a list of low carb snacks online and plan to get some to help me a little. Just something to chew (besides gum) would be nice. As long as I am losing about two pounds a week….I am good.
Well, it’s September 1st and here we are.
My husband went to the store and got some low carb snacks. I’m going to see if this helps a bit with the liquid diet. Just a few bites of something sounds good. I went on a bit of an eating binge last night…a piece of chicken and some crackers.
I did cancel my lunch with my friend yesterday. I feel like I am slipping sort of backwards on my progress in life. But I know it is a little forward and a little back. I’m trying to stay positive.
I weigh in today. I hope I have at least held my own and not gained. I was on that vacation for four days of the week, so I probably haven’t lost a lot, if any. But at least I am trying.I also see my CBT therapist today. I am going to ask her if we can work on me internalizing things that happen to my children. I am way too wrapped up in their lives. I think this is an overreaction from my mother and absentee father…neither of who cared much about me. My kids are adults now. I don’t need to text them every time they are an hour late coming home from work.
I plan to get out my Fall decorations today and decorate the den and living room a little. This always cheers me up.
Update: Got weighed and gained half a pound. Not sure why…was pretty careful. Nurse said this is normal….will probably drop three or so next week. I know I need to drink more water.
I bought some more low carb snacks. Ate a piece of string cheese with my Metformin. No nausea so far. Got some kale chips. They sound gross, but I will try them.
Did not care for the kale chips. Really bad.
Tough morning to get going. Danny was coming in really late and I sort of couldn’t go to sleep till he was home. Slept sort of fitfully. Have a decent day, though. First, off to my therapist, then a bit of good shopping, then a massage. However, this would all be more fun if I was awake.
Drove down to CBT therapist yesterday. The driving is getting easier. I plan on doing the driving today. Sometime soon I plan to get on and off the freeway….just an exit or two. And I need to drive at night. Last night we were out and it was seven o’clock and sort of light and sort of dark. That might be a good time to practice. Remember that my goal by next August is driving anywhere in town, any time of night or day.
Tomorrow I have nothing on my calendar but a walk and some sewing on the quilt.
Trying to stay on the diet totally today, except for a cheese stick with the meds. Maybe some bell pepper strips later.
Woke up with a pounding headache and realized I had not taken my morning meds yesterday morning. I am on the couch chugging water, Tylenol, and a Klonopin.
Just an all around crappy day. Headache finally gave up at 5pm. Got snippy with my husband over something…not even sure what. A wasted day, which I really hate.
Went totally off my diet today. A big setback. I did some CBT work on my disappointment in myself.
Well, today started off fine. I felt great physically. We didn’t go to church and took a walk instead. So I felt good about exercising. Then things started to deteriorate. I was talking on the phone to a friend when my husband came in and turned the TV on really loud. Then he complained that the dishes weren’t done. (The kids leave a lot of stuff around). So I did the dishes. Then I complained that he had a lot of crap sitting in the dining/living room. Then he complained that I turned on my music in the kitchen while he was trying to watch TV. So it was basically not a good time. Plus, the fantasy football draft is today AND I HATE FANTASY FOOTBALL!
It’s only 10:30 but I have stayed on my diet so far all morning. No cheating.
Oh, forgot to tell you…I’m not seeing either therapist for two weeks. I feel like I am doing well enough right now. That is progress.
Mon: LABOR DAY
Started the day off with a 30 minute walk. I am determined to also get to yoga at least once this week. I feel great today….I even accompanied my husband to get the dog’s nails clipped. Normally he would do all the errands on his own, but I am feeling energetic enough to get out somewhat.
Went off the diet last night. I struggle with hunger after about three o’clock. I need to be more organized and have a healthy snack ready to go. Plus, my family is eating dinner and it is hard. I feel like this has turned into a diet blog, but that is really mainly what I am dealing with now. I am NOT depressed, thank god.
We plan on grilling today for the holiday. My food will be a veggie kabob and some salad. The rest of them are having steak and black bean burgers.
Danny is doing well in school and at work as far as we know. My daughter has gotten on “Match” and is talking to some nice guys. My middle son seems fine. We’re doing pretty well overall. It’s nice.
Up bright and early at six this morning. Last night’s grilled dinner turned out really good. My day isn’t too busy…shower, call for a vet appointment, attend bipolar group, and have dinner at the neighbor’s.
Overall, I would say things are going pretty well. I still need to drive more, exercise more, and get stricter on the diet. So I’ve got some good goals for this week.
I hope you all are doing well. Many hugs-