Last night I went to Gretna Days, which is basically a little fair our tiny town has. It was small which was a perfect introduction to being around people. We had some fair food and watched the people enjoying the rides and games. I like to people watch. I’m quite proud of myself.
Honestly though that Pokemon Go is what is really getting me out of the house. It really distracts me from my social anxiety and allows me to enjoy the outdoors and exercise. Things I need.
Last night I found some weed that had fallen back in a drawer it was just enough for me to get stoned and I admit it felt awesome. I don’t want to go back to doing it every day again though, I think that’s the reason I ended up where I am.
Gonna enjoy things while I can.
Posted in Read Along
Just thought I would do a quick check-in even though the formal one is on Monday. I weighed myself yesterday morning because I was going to the doctor and knew she would want to know. I couldn’t believe my eyes … Continue reading
Posted in Read Along
I finally forced myself back to the grocery store for what all I forgot yesterday. I just don’t want to be around anybody or do anything with anybody right now. I don’t want to leave the house. I don’t know what’s wrong. THe last time I did this in the summer time was after my big car accident ten years ago. I don’t know if this merits another therapy session or not. I’ll see how I do this weekend going out with the family to run errands and whatnot.
Our celebrity judges and I spent hours deliberating and making a decision was difficult, but make a decision we did. The Winner The winner of this week’s Crotchety’s Golden Unicorn Award is… evilsquirrel13 for Why does the cat keep saying “Two legs good, four legs bad!”? Evil Squirrel, somehow you knew that “Animal Farm” is […]
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Avi and I chillin’ on the outdoor patio at Pono Hawaiian Grill The large patio was the perfect place to relax while Avi & Rilla enjoyed Da Lanikai Poke Stack. It has sashimi-grade ahi tuna, avocado, seaweed salad & more from “da poke bar” Thanks and Mahalo to those of you who read my last … Continue reading A Dose of Summer Fun After Bullsh*t-Induced Bingeing
A little personal journaling as I process through my current PTSD episode --
The world is at war. Every day is a battle. You can choose to meet that with peace, but it will take work. You must strengthen yourself every day.
Daily (preferably morning) -
* half hour meditation
* one General Conference talk
* one verse of scripture
Practice these for one week. Assess daily.
See how you feel after a week. Do you feel stronger and better able to live in peace amidst the war?
Right now I don't feel strong. I don't want to be on the defensive all the time, just waiting for the attack, so that I'll be ready. But I've worried that if I weren't on the defensive, the attack would come anyway and blindside me, as has happened so often in the past. I would be knocked down hard. Painful and bloody. In the past, I've always thought that to protect myself I had to be hard. Being hard is being strong.
But I know that's the emotionally immature form of strength. True strength is soft. Gentle. Kind. It comes from sure footing in oneself that grounds you in who you are. You can stand immovable without being a brick wall.
We went to see our family doctor today. She is about an hour away across the river (everything is across the river for us or across the border!) so we usually wait until we both have to see her to … Continue reading