Daily Archives: July 26, 2016

“Sharing French Fries With a Stranger in the Chicago Airport” – By Carmelene Melanie Siani

Love this post! Puts things in perspective.

Kindness Blog

I had been sitting at the bar in the Chicago airport talking congenially over drinks for 20 minutes or so with a young woman from Berkeley, California. 

She worked in production for a film company, was flying to Burbank and was a total stranger.

“Are you done with your French fries?” I asked as she pushed her plate away.

“Oh, sure” she said, nudging that same plate towards me. “Help yourself.”

The TV was on. She had just finished saying that she was worried about the election and about the terrorist shootings.

“It’s like the world is falling apart,” she lamented.

She was worried about our future, about our country and about feeling unsafe in an unsafe world.

“Pay attention to the world around you,” I told her, “The one you live in.  Don’t pay attention to the one that is translated for you by that,” I said, gesturing towards…

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Positivity

People tend to say to focus on positive things, but this is problematic when you can’t come up with any positive things to focus on. Everything is completely fucked up. I am legitimately struggling to find anything positive to focus on. In addition to that, I do also have the feeling that negative emotions are normal in response to negative circumstances, and I don’t think denial is necessarily a good thing, either.

I kind of feel like my personality and self-awareness were completely out to lunch for several years there. There was nothing other than denial/lack of awareness. That wasn’t good either, but there was no sense of struggling.

Getting out of the house doesn’t help; it just further fucks up my sense of time and keeps me from doing the things I need to do, like dealing with health problems and making money. It causes me great anxiety and stress. My sense of time is still quite abnormal and I have trouble getting even a few useful things done in a day. I force myself to do things now, like drawing and attempting to get a somewhat decent portfolio put together. I make myself play piano/guitar/violin to focus on something and to pass some of the time in a somewhat meaningful way. On occasion, I drink too much and spend too much money. I think I’ve bought 3 DVDs, a few records, and about 20 CDs this week.

I am not seeing anything getting better in the future, and that fucks me up a bit, I guess.

Bipolar Self-Screening: 7 Signs of Mania and Depression

7 signs you'd wish you could've looked out for ...

More Outside Time

Tonight I went and explored our downtown whilst hunting pokemon. It was nice to get out. It’s a really small town so it’s this super cute older looking downtown. Got me out walking and I caught some brand new pokemon I haven’t caught yet.

My mood has been good today. I hate saying that so much. It makes me worry about the depression that will rear it’s ugly head at some point instead of just enjoying myself. I worry about worrying I worry so much. Is’t that quite the sentence.

I almost missed writing my blog. almost.. I made it though.