Struggling but better

duckWed:

Woke up and felt very weak. Wondering if this is a side effect of something or I am just feeling pretty bad. I HAVE to get going and get a room picked up here at home for the company coming. Fortunately, all the kids and husband volunteered to help so we’ll get it done.

This is great company…they love to run around and entertain themselves. They also love to eat out so I won’t have to do lots of cooking in this heat.

Thank you to all who were so encouraging last week. Much love to you all.

Good news: I got up and did some cleaning. I feel better. Tomorrow is going to be a busy day.

Thurs:

Well, all hell has broken loose around here. My 22 YO got in a verbal dispute with my husband and he has moved in with a friend. This fight was all over pot.

Now I don’t love drugs or pot, but pot doesn’t get me that upset unless it consumes someone’s life. However, my husband is a pot freak. He is extremely anti-drug. Which frankly is his business and his right. So my son, who is getting an allowance from my husband turns out to be using some of this money for pot. (My son did not get a job this summer.) So of course, my husband really yelled about it. My son gave him a bunch of backtalk about how narrow minded we were and it wound up with Danny moving over to a friend’s house. My husband gave him his phone, but not his (our) car. Danny also announced he is dropping out of college to pursue a career in music. (eyeball roll).

I have to tell you that I am not that upset. It is a relief to have him gone. That might seem kind of cold, but he didn’t lift one finger around the house and he was so rude to me. I put up with it in order to keep him in school. But it was wearing me out.

So he is living with a friend (who knows how long that mom will let him stay?) He has $120 my husband gave him, no car, and no job.

My older two kids living here are greatly relieved also, as Danny was rude to them.

So we have company coming. But really it’s better he has left as there will be no fighting.

I grew up in a home with endless violence and I hate that here. We’ve never had physical problems but a couple times a year we’ll get in a shouting match with each other. It’s generally pretty peaceful.

My mood is surprisingly better…I got up and took a shower, did some sewing, and cleaned up a bit.

We’ll see what tomorrow brings.

Fri:

So far I feel GREAT! Definitely elevated. I’m trying to decide if it’s the fact that Danny has moved out or if it is the change to Welbutrin. My husband says it is probably a combination of both.

All I have to do today is go to my CBT therapist and then on to a dinner group with some friends. We are bringing a store bought carrot cake, so no work.

So I talked to my regular therapist about Danny. He has decided he wants the car. But the car was part of the deal of going to school. My therapist suggested that we come up with a few different scenarios and then meet with Danny Monday or Tuesday to see what he wants to do. I like the idea of letting everyone cool off.

Mon:

Well, I took the weekend off of writing here….lots of stuff going on real life. Saturday was the big tea I hosted.

It went fabulous! Everyone showed up and everyone sort of wandered in and sat down next to appropriate people. The food and tea were really good. One of the ladies was on a gluten free diet and they made her her own little tier of food, so that worked out. I got a lot of compliments on everything and had a pretty good time. I wasn’t too tired at all. I am glad my therapists said to give it a try and host the event.

Sunday I just sort of laid around and ditched church. I was pretty tired from the big tea. I need to get my butt to church on a more regular basis. I’d like to go something like every 3 out of 4 weeks. We are pretty much doing that now although we are traveling for a couple of weeks and will miss some. I also entertained our company, although they have been a pleasure. They’ve been running around so much and seeing people they know in town…it has been an easy visit.

I forgot to mention I went to a casual dinner party on Friday night. I was a good sport and stayed a while extra and helped rinse the dishes and load the dishwasher. Usually I am too tired to help.

My middle son has a girlfriend and he asked me to go with him to pick out a bracelet for her birthday. I was really flattered that he trusted me.

So today we are meeting with Danny and giving him some options of life. We’re meeting him at a casual restaurant…hoping this will keep everyone calm. Per my therapist, we have written out some options for him, including going back to school and not…and just working and supporting himself. I let you know tomorrow how it went…I am a bit nervous. But if he acts angry or rude, I am out of there and he can totally live his own life for a while till he grows up.

Tues:

Just got the company off to the airport. The visit was really a success….everyone all got along and I am not unconscious from exhaustion. My daughter flew back with them to spend a week. It’s going to be quiet around here.

We met with Danny. Everyone was very calm. We are basically at an impasse….he wants the car and we want him to finish college. He moped around and acted pretty depressed over not the getting the car but, hey. He can buy his own car. His new immediate goal is to be a Wal-Mart cashier. This is from the same kid who told us he wants something slow paced….lol. I just hope Wal-Mart is ready for him.

I think there is a small chance Danny will go back to school. He still has 3-4 weeks to decide. At least he got his associate’s degree at community college….that looks good on his applications to Burger King.

Got the news that my brother-in-law is fighting prostate cancer. He seems pretty calm about it. He has to go through quite a few radiation treatments. I told my husband to get on a plane and go spend some time with his brother. Men!

Hugs to you all,

lily

 

 

 

 

 

 

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