Oh fuck do I hate spiders! I mean REALLY hate spiders. So it is a little bit hard to be living in my sister’s basement. Albeit a very nice, finished basement, but still, a basement. And in basements, there are spiders. All over the place, I have sticky cardboard on the floor to catch spiders. I spray spider spray (organic shit I made up from some recipe I found on the Interwebs) but STILL! There are spiders. Last week, as I was laying in bed, waking up, reading shit on my phone as I do most mornings, I caught a movement out of the corner of my eye. What was it? A FUCKING SPIDER ON MY BED!!!!! I flew out of the bed, throwing off the covers, screaming like a murder was taking place. Motherfucking spider!!!!! I *think* I found the culprit, crawling up my wall, and summarily vacuumed it up with little hand vac (also known as a “spider vac”) but I have to tell you, sleeping hasn’t been the same since. Also, I’ve had a spider in my shower, and a spider in my sink. Uh, I’m more than a little obsessed about spiders now. Is a spider crawling on me? Going to bed is a trial. I’m afraid to get in bed. Then I’m afraid to be in bed. Then I’m afraid to fall asleep. Then some SHITHEAD posts on twitter about how many spiders we swallow while we’re asleep, and my head unscrews from my body and falls on the floor. PEOPLE I THINK I MAY BE GOING CRAZY!!! I have therapy on Wednesday the 20th (couldn’t have it yesterday because I was busy turning fifty fucking years old) and I think I’m going to ask for the big hocus-pocus: EMDR. I need some big magic to erase the Spider Mania that has possessed me. If I have in turn possessed you, I apologize. This is bad. REAL BAD.
In other developments, I have quit using pot. I know, I know. I’m off, I’m on, I’m off, and then, I’m on. I love my fucking pot. But I don’t love the associated eating and piling on of fat!!! And I can’t seem to do it on a casual basis. It quickly becomes a daily habit, every day at 4pm, gotta eat the pot. Gotta be stoned every night. I was really worried about quitting, but thank Godwina, once I was off for a day, it was easy. Pot is wayyyyyyy easier to quit than other stuff. Like smoking. Still smoking cigarettes. Three to five a day. Guilty as HELL!!! Being a secret smoker, hiding it from my family, spritzing myself with a fabric softener/water mixture after smoking, oh it’s a bunch of bullshit and it’s really getting me down. I even have a favorite uncle dying of lung cancer, and I’m smoking my cig’s. Guilty, guilty, guilty. I know NO ONE can relate to the self-defeating, addictive behaviors, right? Ok. I’m Bipolar. We do this shit.
Even though I turned FIFTY!!!!!!!, it was a good birthday yesterday. I had a great day with my sister, going to Mount Evans (elevation 14,265, temperature 45 degrees while it was 91 in Boulder) and seeing the big horn sheep and mountain goats. It was super-fun and wayyyyy beautiful. I’m grateful. Hope all of you out there in blog-land are doing well!
Filed under: Bipolar, Bipolar and Crazy, EMDR, Psychology Shmyshmology Tagged: Bipolar, Blogging, Hope, Humor, I Hate Spiders, Mental Illness, Psychology, Reader