It’s July

flowersTues:

So the Fourth went really well. We grilled our hamburgers and hot dogs and then had our fireworks show in the backyard. We even had red, white, and blue cupcakes.

Really good news from today. I rode on the freeway and through downtown to the homeless senior center to deliver water and other stuff. For some reason, I wasn’t scared at all. Then we came home and did some errands and I drove some with my husband in the car. Once again, no anxiety. I have a pdoc appointment this afternoon and plan on driving there if possible. So a good day so far.

The day kept going well. I drove to my doctor’s appointment and went to my bipolar support group.

The doctor changed up my meds so now I am on Rexulti, Welbutrin, Klonopin, and Lamictal. I hoping this will get me from “baseline” to “slightly elevated”. I am voluntarily reducing my Klonopin from four to three a day.

Wed:

A pretty good day again. Drove myself all alone to get my hair done. Was a little nervous about backing up out of the parking, but did the rest of it just fine. Husband went out to eat lunch with a friend. I feel more secure when he is here, even if my kids are here. This is a little bit of a change as I normally want to spend time alone.

I don’t have any big plans for the rest of the day. My yoga teacher is on vacation this week, so I am being lazy. I may just relax and listen to my audio book.

Thurs:

Having some weird sleep habits and anxiety. I am falling asleep about 7 right after I take my meds. But for some reason I want to sleep early. Then I wake up at 4:30-5 and lie there and have anxiety about the day and things going on in my life. Once my daughter and son come down (at about 6:30) I feel better.

My mood is slightly elevated…I think some of these meds may be working. That’s really good news. I plan on driving back and forth ALONE to my therapist today. That’s a big step.

I need to increase my exercise for so many reasons. I want to feel better and fight depression. I want to have something productive to do. I want to stop feeling guilt about not doing enough exercise. I’m going to start on Saturday with my 6am walk. I know I can do it. If my meds make me feel more ambitious, it should really help.

Fri:

Great day so far! Feeling good and made my support call with my friend.

I went to see my therapist yesterday and we worked on some good stuff. One thing we worked on was grief…how long you should grieve various things such as relationships. Also, we started working on my weight. I have the Jenny Craig in place, but I need to learn to say “no” to outside food. I really need to learn to be indifferent to outside food. So I am keeping a diary of sorts of all the times I said “no” to something tempting this next few days. It would be nice to go to  a party…maybe have a small portion of a few things, and then move on. Right now, I tend to think of all activities based on food. Not good.

The best news of all is that I drove to and from the doctor’s office all by myself! Really good progress.

My youngest (22) is getting a little sassy when talking to me. I sat down with him but don’t think it did much good. He’s acting more like 14 than 22.

Sat:

Youngest has re-evaluated his life and is more polite.

This was a decent day. I promised daughter to see “Secret Life of Pets”. Of course, when I woke up I did not feel like going but I didn’t want to let her down. So I went and I drove.

I have had this weird experience of anxiety at movie theaters lately. I feel like something is going wrong at home while I am sitting there disconnected from my phone. Strange. Anyway, the movie was cute. It was also my husband’s birthday, so we went out to have Mexican food. I skipped the trip to Dairy Queen as I am working on that diet.

We’re skipping church tomorrow to take a break. Some friends are taking us out for dinner tomorrow night.

I still would just prefer to lay on the couch. I am reading this book that says “if you get up and go you’ll have a good time.” But you know, I just get somewhere and can’t wait to go home. I am hoping my med will kick in a little more.

Sun:

Skipped church. Went out with friends. Had salmon. Really good.

Mon:

Not my best day. Have some sort of head problem from switching meds. Not sure if you’d call it a “brain zap” or a “migraine pain” or what. Just on the right side of my head. Cancelled breakfast with a friend but will see her Sat anyway. Was going to meet son for lunch at a restaurant near his job but sent husband and daughter instead. Sometimes I get so sick of trying. Hope tomorrow is better.

Tues.

Another rough day. You know, sometimes I just feel like giving up. But I’m not exactly sure how to give up. I guess just lay down and rot. I’ve been down all day dealing with milder brain zaps. They are going away. I am planning on dragging myself to my bipolar support group today. I need to get out.

I wish this blog entry ended up a little more positive.

We have company coming Thursday morning. The house is clean but it needs to be “picked up”. I’m determined to do it tomorrow just in case I am still struggling. Thank God a lot of it is in good shape.

love to you all and hope you feel well,

lily

Comments are closed.